~I hate this flavor with a passion
And I fucking hate the aftertaste.
~But if we die at the same time
Does it still scare you?
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1 year and a half ago...
I never wanted to be this way. I never wanted to let myself drown in pain, live this miserable life, have to deal with everyone's hate towards me, feel like dying every second and only feel welcomed in a demon's embrace. I didn't choose this life, it just happened. But everything happens with a reason, right? There was a reason why my mother ended her life when I was younger, there was a reason why my father left me, there was a reason why she started haunting me, there was a reason why I ended up in a foster house, there was a reason why everybody hated me from the beginning, there was a reason why I was adopted by a family that didn't want me, there was a reason why I stopped eating, there was a reason why I got bullied, there was a reason why I got raped, there was a reason why I got abused, there was a reason why I tried killing myself, there was a reason why I befriended Scott, there was a reason why I started only finding comfort in pain, there was a reason why my adoptive father died, there was a reason why I fell in love with my demon, there was a reason for absolutely everything. But I didn't know them. Just like there is a reason why people are rude or suffering or dying or killing themselves, because something happened in their life that triggered it to start it all, they went through hell and hit their boundaries, just like I did. I hit my limits, my breaking point. Everybody has it, everybody has a breaking point, everyone has a moment when they really wish they were dead.
That's all I was doing at the moment, thinking. Devily was directly in front of, staring into my eyes and I was doing the same, thinking about how the 9 year old me, the small innocent child, would have never thought I'd end up this way. She didn't even know about these things so she couldn't think about it, she wouldn't believe it, all she wanted to do was marry a prince when she grew up and live in a castle. Yes, she was young, dreaming about the world and the future, but there was no such thing as too young to know about the real world. Somebody should have told her earlier that life can always just make a horrible turn and change forever, maybe then I wouldn't have ended up this way.
Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me. My mom. I feel like she's waiting for me to join her, be with her again, and I hope that will happen soon and I'll be able to see her face again.
My arms were covered in scars or cuts, no space left for another one. It was a terrible sight, I knew that, but I didn't regret it. I didn't regret taking the blade to my skin and slicing it deep, leaving permanent marks. There were moments of vulnerability when I needed it, it made me lose the thoughts, seconds of distraction. Sure, the scars weren't so pretty but I knew I wouldn't have to live with them forever, I knew I'd kill myself soon enough so I didn't care about the marks.
What brang me back to reality was a knock on my door. I saw Devily vanish when she heard the sound and leave me alone. I got up and opened the door, revealing a worried and angry looking Scott. He quickly entered my room and I slowly shut the door confused.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" I asked him wanting to find out why he randomly showed up at my home.
He looked a bit around before answering me "I was just walking around and I ended up on your street so I thought about visiting you, you know? See if you're ok and al-"
"What really happened?" I said, cutting him off. I knew when he was lying, he couldn't keep that away from me as much as he tried to.
He turned to look at me and a thing in his eyes told me it wasn't going to be a very happy thing "Are you going to freak out?" he questioned, as calmly as he could.
What could be so bad? I don't think anyone died or got in an accident, so what could it be? The worry in his eyes made me think it was something that could hurt me or make me want to do it but the anger made me confused, so I just assured him I was going to be ok whatever the news were, hoping I was right.
He took a deep breath, trying to find the words to make it sound better than it probably was, but I was just taken back by the words he spoke, making my body freeze.
"Matt is back at school..."
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Sorry, this chapter is just kind of a filler, I needed another chapter for today though.
The end of the story is close though, just like 4-6 more chapters, but I'm thinking if I should write special bonus or not, I don't know. Should I write it? It sounds like a good idea. Anyway, I'll think about it.
~Insanity
YOU ARE READING
Soulless eyes.
Разное"You used to be so happy, so cheerful and positive. You used to be the reason eveybody's hopes were still there. I miss that old Angel. Where is she? What have you done with her?" he asked with tears in his eyes and pain in his voice. "Scott, she ne...
