Forget me not • Felix

Chapter 18

Standing in that space with Felix, I expected some memory to flood back to me but this was entirely new. I'd never had this experience before. During our time by the fridge, I'd had a glance at the clock and from what I could make out, it was around 2am. If I could just get back to sleep after this, I'd have no problems.

"Well Lix, we should-"
His voice overlapped mine, "I like it when you call me that."
I tucked a small strand of hair behind my ear, flustered and unsure what to do.
"Well I got it from what your friends call you."
He smiled, "I know but I like it a lot when you say it."
My entire body, my mind and soul all went blank as if I was a car and had just stalled. Even with a reboot to the system, I wasn't sure how I was processing this particularly.
"Thank you, I guess."
A wave of silence drowned us both. Yet, there wasn't one sense of awkwardness about it. I traced my lower lip with my tongue, doing anything to prevent my mouth or throat from drying up completely on me.

One thing I noticed was how Felix's eyes followed the exact movements of my tongue before returning back up to my eyes. He smirked to himself, looking away and lightly huffing.
"What's so funny?" I asked.
The boy twisted his head back to face me.
"It's... nothing just something a bit bad."
A bit bad? Innocently, my mind had no idea what he was alluding to.
"Why's it bad?"
He bit his lip before puckering and returning back to his slight smile, "because I want to kiss you right now."

If this was an anime, a wall of blue would be shading my vision, with a sweat drop just at the top of my forehead. Now I understood. I got why it was bad. Not only are we ex-boyfriend and ex-girlfriend, not only do I have a current boyfriend, but said-boyfriend is sleeping in the room close to us. Overall, I wasn't sure how I felt about the idea of kissing him but I knew that if I did it, right now, that I would regret it. There was no way I could do that to Jisung.
It didn't matter that we weren't in the best of places in our relationship, we weren't as good as before, but I would never do that to anyone.
"I'm sorry."
That's all my brain could think, so it's all I said.
"No, why are you sorry? I thought it, I shouldn't have said it."
Normally, I found the boy's ramblings cute but not in this context.
"It's... it's ok."
The boy snapped quick after, "let's not mention it alright?"
Reluctantly, I nodded, silently agreeing not to speak to anyone about it, almost imagining it never happened.

Going back into the room, I peaked over at a cosy-looking Jisung tucked under the blanket and even as I slid in beside him, my heart hurt for him. Nothing had happened but my heart still sank. I'm sorry Jisung.
It wasn't that long after, in fact, that I fell back asleep. Luckily for me, my brain hadn't decided to overthink about it and just would let me rest instead. Appreciated.
The next time I woke up, the sun was just peaking round the curtains and I was in the warm embrace of someone. Carefully, I twisted my head to see a sleepy Jisung, who's breath tickled the back of my neck. He loosely had his hand round my ribs. Not wanting to get up just yet, I shuffled back to go into his cuddle further and found myself dozing off once more. It was a lighter sleep this time but worth it.

"She's so cute look at her."
I knew exactly who that was and so I rolled over, hoping to come face to face with Jisung but he wasn't there. My arm hopelessly reached out and I couldn't feel anything. I kept patting the empty mattress until I felt a hand in mine.
"I'm up silly, the boys are too but we thought we'd let you rest, Felix said you were awake for a bit last night."
Felix...
A mention of the boy's name and I was suddenly wide awake, recognising that everything that happened was real. Felix confessed about wanting to kiss me.

I rolled over onto one side and perched myself up, fluttering my eyes open. Jisung was crouched down in front of me with an impatient looking Hyunjin behind him.
"Sorry, I'll be with you guys in a minute."
Jisung smiles sweetly at me but Hyunjin pulled him by his arm, lifting my boyfriend up and away from me.
"Chan hyung said we could go out soon so get ready quick, I wanna leave," Hyunjin rushed me. As all the boys were already up, washed and dressed, I had the bathroom all to myself to get myself prepared. Decent outfit, decent hair, I'm ready.

Chan had bought us all train tickets so we could go shopping in a quiet district. He insisted we all wear masks but I can't blame him, any opportunity and Ateez could strike again. Jisung was too busy with Minho to even remember I existed at moments but Felix and Chan stayed by my side to keep me in check.
There was a kpop store that I noticed and begged my brother to go in. While the others went off to grab some snacks for us all, he agreed and told me he'd wait outside. It was as good an offer as any.

As I entered, there were rows and rows of colourful albums, plus a lot of BTS banners and merch too; they seemed to be the most popular attraction here. All of the albums on show were alphabetically organised so I started one end and headed down to see what was available. I had a few in mind I was looking for: Border: Day One, Semicolon or, if they even had it, Love Me Right. Then, I spotted it, in all its yellow glory. Love Me Right, the repackaged album. There was only one left but I could barely reach it.
"Here, I got you."
A guy reached over from across me and picked up my album, handing it carefully to me. I felt bad that I flinched when he did so; he seemed like such a nice guy. His dark hair was dyed red at the ends and lightly flicked across his face, but not enough so you couldn't see his eyes.

"Thank you," I bowed slightly.
He nodded. I turned to go pay but he lightly caught my arm, catching my attention.
"Sorry, I just, I feel like I've seen your face before."
This was dangerous, I knew from Chan's advice that I couldn't give anything away.
"I'm not a kpop idol if that's what you're thinking."
The boy smiled at my comment, "alright then no don't worry about it."
Inside, I was sighing with relief, glad that the interaction didn't take a turn for the worse. This time the boy let me go pay for the album and I finished my purchase of the day, placing the album in my bag.
"Nice to meet you though," the boy called after me. I nodded my head forward slightly and gave a little wave before rejoining Chan and going back to our day out.