Forget me not • Felix

Chapter 13

Felix described all of the events at the party, word for word, every part of our exchange, and I could vaguely remember it. 'Mortified' wasn't quite the right word but 'embarrassed' was. I tried to hide a light blush that was rising onto my cheeks.
"I'm sorry I shouted" I muttered.
That was all I could think to say. What else could I do?
Silence captured both of us for a while, but I couldn't take it anymore.
"God, I had so many things I wanted to ask you and now I'm here it's so hard to even get past one I- I just can't believe it"
As my frustration kept building, my urge to call Jisung was growing rapidly.
Any last chance at hope was fading until Felix spoke. "I know, and I can't ever apologise for it really... because I just kept digging holes where I could," He paused, "I didn't want to leave"

~

The door shut, the majority of his possessions were gone and what remained would soon be taken away by Chan the next day.
I sat balling my eyes out leaning my head against the shut door, silently begging Felix to come back. My body couldn't carry me far and I had another cry on the sofa.
The tears were endless and I didn't seem to stop for at least an hour. Everything I had dreamed about regaining with Felix was gone... I wanted something, it didn't have to be romantic at first, we could've started again from scratch and maybe got somewhere similar. But I had lost more, more than I could ever know in that moment, maybe that's why the tears never stopped until the next morning.
Why couldn't I feel the same as him once more? More importantly, why did he refuse to help me? If the boy was so in love with me then why did he leave?

~

I let Felix continue rather than letting rage get the better of me; any information he told me would be a million more times valuable than him leaving me in the dark again.
He carried on, "seeing you forget everything, not just us, but me..."
The boy kept pausing, trying to hold his voice steady so it didn't break.
"It crushed me. From back when we were captured... even you trying to make it work. You were so sweet but I just couldn't do it... you weren't the girl who I loved anymore... and it broke me."
I'd always seen the looks Felix would give me after the memory loss, he was solemn like even when he was happy there was still sadness looming within his eyes. Despite it all, I had tried to make him happy, but it wasn't enough.

He continued on how he came to the decision to leave. It was around how he couldn't take the sadness anymore. Not only that, Felix saw that I seemed to get along with Jisung more than I did with him and apparently in that time, Jisung had started to fall for me. For Felix, everything was fitting into place; an easy replacement and an easy way out. To disappear. The boy could have never imagined how hurt I was or even that my memories would fade back in with his absence. All he had ever wanted was the me of the past back, he never knew that leaving would kickstart the return of what he truly desired. The girl he once dated.

"Felix... I'm sorry about all of this but... I hope now that you're here you can help get the memories back completely"
It was a risk but I wanted him to help. Now more things were out in the open I felt I could take the opportunity to ask for his help once more. Hopefully, he'd agree.
"Is this why Han text me?"
In some way, yes, yes it was. Jisung and I hoped that me talking to Felix would help in some way or another and I felt this was the best way to do that. I should see him more to talk to him.
"Sort of" I shrugged, "but I've also wanted to talk to you for a while"

As he had once gone off explaining, now was my chance. Felix listened as I spoke of wanting to ask him so many questions, listing off what they were but not asking for an answer in that moment. I also spoke of how I once got to the point of wanting to forget him completely, hence the drink, because it got too much for me. Obviously, our problems were similar but to a different extent.
"That makes sense, I never really knew you to drink that much at a party"
I scoffed at him, "well maybe I am and you just don't know anymore"
Felix rolled his eyes in response, "I doubt it, I know you're not the same as before but I do remember from when we lived to-"
He cut himself off.

It wasn't going to be smooth sailing for sure, talking about the bad times for both of us but I'm sure we could work it out. You have to talk through the bad, get it all out there at whatever pace you're comfortable at, to get to the good bit. That's what had worked before, and it could work again here.

Once I got home, I spilled everything to Jisung. He sat and understood and I just felt so glad in that moment that he's my boy; he's just amazingly understanding. Of course, I could tell he was still wary but that's why I'm here to support him and I gave him some kisses and hugs to calm his nerves.
By the time it came to bedtime, I had felt more relaxed than ever before. Things were looking up finally and hopefully now with Jisung and Felix by my side, I can get my past life back.