Days went by pretty fast. It's Friday afternoon. My father's body will be here in a few hours.
I have been busy helping my aunts plan the funeral. I am drained and tired. I have not cried at all.
How is it that I have not shed not even one tear? My father and I had issues but that doesn't mean I don't... didn't love him. We had a lot of good times together. There were days when he would have us sit around the fire and tell us stories about the good old days. I miss him. I miss him a lot and I am ashamed of the bad things I said to him the last time we spoke. Maybe I should have agreed to the arranged marriage. I shouldn't have defied him.
My mother is dressed in black and isn't allowed to touch anything. She has been sitting on the grass mat from the moment we heard of my father's passing. It's costum for the wife to dress in all black and sit on the grass mat when their husband dies. Seeing her this broken hurts me so much. I wish there was something I could do to make this whole thing disappear. I would do anything to start over, to have a second chance and change all the things that led to my father's passing.
My father's body is badly burned. My mother had to go identify the body. I have never seen her this distraught before. You can tell she's breaking and is trying to be strong for us.
After hours of running around trying to get everything done before the funeral tomorrow, my father's body finally arrives.
This is something I will never be able to forget or get past. The long, shiny black hearse pulls in and a large number of people, mostly women follow behind. The hearse stops right before the door, two men get out of the car and open the back of the hearse. Everything is in slow motion. I feel a great deal of pain. My hands are shivering and I can't get them to stop.
My father is really gone.
Impossible.
The two men pull out the white casket my father is in. Tears run down my cheeks. I feel very light headed, wobbly... every part of me is breaking. I'm sweating and feel cold at the same time.
The crowd of people starts singing. Their voices blend well together. The song calms me down enough to move out of the way as the two men lead my father's body inside the house. I hear a scream as the casket enters my parent's room. I follow behind with tears blinding me. I see my mom on the floor. She looks up at me and whispers "it's okay" and nods her head.
I scream and pull my hair. A few strands of hair come off and for a second, I forget about the white casket in front of me. Phila pushes me to our old bedroom and shuts the door. She pulls me into a tight squeeze. We both hold each other and cry.
I didn't want to cry. I was holding everything in because I knew that facing this would break me.
Lwazi walks in and pulls us both into a hug. I push the memory of him almost slapping me to the back of my head and welcome his comfort.
"He is in a good place now" Lwazi assures us.
"He...He is watching over us and protecting us. That's his new job"Phila says.
"I can't believe he is gone. Everything felt unreal until I saw the coffin. Now it's like...damn, Dad is gone" I look at lwazi then Phila.
"Who would've thought that the great and scary Mr Zondo would die and leave us behind?"
"I didn't see this coming" Phila says
After a few minutes, we all go to my mother.
"Daddy's home" She says to us.
I look at her and smile a little. She is really taking this hard.
"I'm sorry, Mama" I whisper in her ear.
