Shane dropped me off around eight pm. My parents are home already. I don't know how I'm going to explain myself. I begged Shane to leave before my father sees him, He wanted to wait and make sure I was safe.
How sweet of him.
I tried pushing the gate but it's not moving, its locked. How predictable.
I called Phila to come open the gate. I heard footsteps toward me and sighed in relief when I saw the gate swing open. My heart sank at the site of my furious father. He grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me inside. I stumbled on a few rocks and fell, he pulled me up and continued dragging me.
He instructed me to sit down and I did. Phila muttered an apology before disappearing to her room. My Mom tried pulling my skirt down to cover my thighs.
"Where were you" she whispered to me. I couldn't talk. I felt tears run down my face. Washing off today's wonderful memories.
My father appeared with a belt in his hand. "Ma' Dlamini please excuse us" my Father dismissed my worried mother. She wiped my tears then slowly walked away.
Its just us now. My Dad piercing me with his eyes and me silently begging for a miracle. I knew this was gonna happen,I knew my father would freak out. I knew he would hit me or kick me out or worse send me to live with my grandmother in the village. But still...I took the risk. I stayed with Shane longer than I should've.
"Where were you?" My Dad asked his eyes binding, burning me. I sat up straight. "I was with a friend" I lied. Half lied. Shane is a friend. Right?
I mean we're not dating. He gave me my first kiss and all but we're definitely not dating. The kiss was magical. Like something out of a romantic novel. How of daring of me.
I pushed the thoughts away and faced the monster in front of me. "What friend? I called Zoe's mother and she confirmed you were no where near her house today. She said she hasn't seen you in days"
"I was with my other friend" I muttered. My body is visibly shaking. One strike and I'll be out of school for weeks. He has hit me before. Once.
I was eleven years old. I stole money from his wallet and denied it when he asked me. He dragged me outside and beat the lying hell out of me then made me spend the night outside, with the gate locked of course because my father cares about my safety.
So the beating, dragging, cursing... I'm used to it.
"What friend?" He shouted and before I knew it I felt the belt hit my shoulder. I forced myself to sit still and not make a sound.
My father hates it when I cry. "We don't wanna wake the neighbours" he'd say.
"How dare you lie to my face? You think I'm stupid? I know you were out with a boy. What did I say to you about dating? I told you to behave yourself and not date because someone has already asked for your hand in marriage and we as a family agreed to this" he explained.
"Do you understand?" He shouted and I just sat there and listened. He hit me again and again while screaming at me. Calling me an idiot, a hoe, "I pray to God you're still a virgin" he shouted while striking me with the belt, each strike harder than the last. I fell and collapsed on the tiled floor. He continued his assault. Hitting my face, my legs. My whole body surrendered. I stopped moving. I let him hit me.
Maybe if I feel the pain more, I'll obey him. Maybe then I won't defy him. I'll be Daddy's little angel. Do as he says. Stay a virgin and wait for my chosen husband to deflower me.
After what felt like hours of nonstop beating, He finally stopped and went to bed. I couldn't move without feeling pain all over my body. I know I look as bad as I feel. I will have to take a week or two off school. He won't let me limp to school. He knows people will talk.
This is my last year of high school. I've been looking forward to this year because I promised myself that I'll work extra hard, get a bursary and get as far away from my father as possible. I have to pass. I have to pass.
I dragged my body to the bathroom. I took in my appearance on the mirror next to the bathtub. I have a cut on the tip of my nose, a cut on my right cheek. I have belt prints all over my legs. I ran myself a bath. I stripped off my clothes and Soaked my bruised body.
All the memories of Shane kissing me are tainted now. This is what I'll remember about the day I had my first kiss. I wrapped a towel around my body then went to bed.
I found Phila in my room. I flashed her a smile letting her know that I don't blame her. Tears ran down her face. " I'm...so...sorry" she stuttered. Her shoulders shaking. I sat down next her and caressed her back. " I'm okay" I assured her. "It's not that bad" I lied.
"How is he our father?" she protested. "I'm sorry I couldn't cover for you. I tried to but Dad wasn't having it"
"It's not your fault, Phila" I whispered softly. "But it is" she said.
I'm selfish. I made a choice to stay late. I could've come back before my parents but I didn't.
This is all my fault.
"Go to bed. We'll talk tomorrow" I told her and she shock her head no. "I'm staying with you". " I want to be alone, please " I begged and she got up and left.
I hate seeing my sister like this. How do I fix this?. I retrieved my phone from my wet clothes. Two missed calls from Shane and a text message.
Hope you're okay. Call me when you get this. It read.
I bit back the tears. He is just s boy. A nobody.
Menu>contacts>Doctor Shane>option>delete>are you sure you want to delete this contact?>yes.
Done. He never existed.
