Liability

Chapter 19

"Hey Sage, wanna have breakfast in Starbucks?" Mable asked me.

"Sure hon." I nodded my head and smiled. I loved breakfasts with Mable but the only thing about them was that we were forced to ditch school because I had physics in my first period.

"Aren't you worried that your mother might catch you ditching school one day?" Mable asked me nervously. She was scared of my mother and secretly hated her because of what she did to me. The thing is that I hate my school and all the subjects I chose especially physics. I have no goals for my future whatsoever and I don't even know what I'm doing at this point. I've been ditching school with Mable for a month now but sometimes I would go just to check if everything is okay and my coordinator would ask me to come to school and stop ditiching, I would say yes but still ditch anyways.

"It's complicated. I don't want to think about it." I said. I sometimed wondered if I was even functioning as a normal human being with emotions. I knew I was having depression but my mother would never believe me and would manipulate me into believing that I am an ungreateful child with all the things I have. Mable opened the door for me and we walked into Starbuck. I ordered my to go latte frappacino and Mable got herself a ginger spice latte.

"So..what's up with Ace?" She asked as we sat down. I stared at my coffee which smelled like heaven. I didn't know if I should tell her that I asked Ace to be friends with benefits or not. I zoned out a second, listening to people chatter about their day and how much their jobs were pains in their asses. I looked at Mable and her raised eyebrow and sighed.

"I asked him to be friends with benefits." I said and took a nervous sip of my coffee. Damn it tastes as heavnly as it smells.

"You what?!" Mable started laughing hyterically which was not a good sign. The calm before the storm.

"I uh...Mable I have some problems with my emotions. I don't know if I actually like Ace or not. I feel like I am emotionally unavailable, it's just so hard to be emotionally involved with someone when you have a mother like mine. I don't know what to do! I just don't want to be apart from Ace at the same time." I felt my tears coming up and I tried to keep them in because I never cry in public or infront of my friends even if they are my best of friends.

"Sage! I literally let go of Ace because of you and now you're telling me that you want him as friends with benefits!? What is wrong with you?" She exclaimed. Guilt ate over me and my heart strained because of her.

"I didn't mean for it to be like this! I'm just trying to figure it out, okay? I never had someone like Ace in my life. He somehow figured out a way to pass my icy mentality." I said.

"I don't know Sage. I'm just disappointed. I need a cigarette." She said as she stood up to go outside and smoke. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Why am I so fucked up? I'm ditching school and lying to my parents. I smoke a lot and now I've asked a guy to be friends with benefits with me. My nose started running but no tears came down. Typical. I splashed some cold water on my face an tried to calm my nerves. I walked back towards our table but Mable was still out so I decided to join her.

"Mable, I will ask him to date me." I lied. I hated the taste of it, not to mention how shitty if felt.

"Really?" She asked and took a drag of her cigarette. I needed on too in order to get through the lie smoothly and not screw it up. I lit up a cigarette for myself.

"Yeah." I said.

"You know I was so mad at you because I let go of Ace for you. Because I thought you want a relationship with him but you said you're fwb and I got mad. It's okay now." She smiled and I nodded in relief while feeling like a piece of shit for lying to my bestfriend.