Liability

Chapter 16

"STOP MOTHER!! PLEASE STOP! I'M SORRY!" I said as I threw my hands in the air in order to stop her scratching.

"You foul little bitch! How many times have I told you to stay away from the fridge? You are already fat as a cow. I will show you what happens to people who are bound to the gluttony sin you fat fuck." She said as her long nails traced my soft skin, causing small wounds that gushed blood. She grabbed my frail hands, pushed my shaking body to the ground and took me to the kitchen with her fingers in my hair.

"Mother please stop!" I muffled through my misery as tears rushed down my cheeks. She grabbed a huge funnel and shoved it in my mouth as I gagged. I tried to stop her but my hands were burning because of the open wounds and she was so much bigger than me. She closed my nose with a pincer and started running water into the funnel. I couldn't help but drink it as I felt myself choking to the point of breathlessness...

"Ding ding ding." I jolted awake to the sound of my alarm, crying and trying to catch huge gulps of air through my mouth and nose.

"The Bandit, Tears of Tess, Crime and Punishment, The Idiot, Demons, War and Peace, Fathers and Sons, One Hundred Years of Solitude, The Catcher in the Rye, The Metamorphosis, Lolita, Franny and Zooey..." I recited my favorite books and tried to calm myself down. This is a method that helps me calm down if I have extreme nightmares. I try to push my nightmare to the back of my mind where all the disturbing memories are kept. I drink water from my night bottle and nuzzle Pixie's head as she stares at me.

"Sorry for waking you up baby." I say. She blinks slowly as to say that she loves me and she understands. I try to listen to see if I woke up mother but I hear her deep breaths. Tears start gathering in my eyes but I stop them from shedding so I throw my head back. I don't know why my nightmares came back in a harsh way after I blocked Ace. I don't even know the connection between these two things but I think it's because blocking Ace felt hard for me even though I knew him for a few days and the after effects are having an unwanted influence on me. I sighed as my nose started running.

I call them "nightmares" because it's better to believe that they are a horror work made up by my mind rather than episodes from my past. I always thought the problem with my mother was my fault but after mother spent some time in the asylum and under some extreme drugs, I realized that she was mentally ill. After 5 years in the asylum, she got better. Dad was always busy with his work (funny how he never mentioned his position and said he was a simple worker) so he couldn't take care of me either which resulted in mother and I moving away after they got a divorce so she won't have him around to get into a psychotic mode again. Dad pays for everything but we barely contact each other except for when mother leaves for a trip to Ohio.

I get up and take some calming breaths to help myself handle the emotions. I get dressed and make my way to the door. I need cigarettes so bad. After I leave and wait for the bus stop, I lit up a cigarette and open my book to spend the remaining time until the bus arrives. Today is a bit chillier so I wore a black jacket and some warm knee-high socks, after all, I don't want to freeze my arse because of the grey and red striped school skirt I wore. The bus arrived so I took it as my cue to leave for school.

I haven't contacted or unblocked Ace for a week and it's making me a bit sad but I shake off the overwhelming emotions because I have a lot of them on my plate already. When Ace asked me what was the reason of my constant sadness, I wanted to tell him everything but I just couldn't. The amount of abuse I went through can not be described, especially to a person I met in a short time.

I put my headphones on and played "Somebody that I used to know" by Gotye. People came in and went out. I saw some familiar faces but hid behind the chairs to ignore the annoying good mornings. My mind was set on coffee because I need the energy it gives me so when the bus stopped, I literally jumped in the Starbucks near our school and got a latte for myself. Lord has blessed us with the taste of milk and coffee and I am eternally grateful for that. The taste reminds me of the scene in the Ratatouille cartoon where Remy eats cheese and strawberry together and gets a funky mix in his head.

"Sage!" I heard Mable's voice and ran to hug her.

"Hi baby!!" I said.

"How's it going? You seem a bit disturbed." Mable said worriedly and I tried to give her my brightest smile.

"I'm fine!" I said and she shook her head.

"Don't lie to me." She said.

"No I'm really fine! How're you?" I said and smiled even wider so she wouldn't smell my bullshit.

"Alright. I'm good as well. I slept really well last night." She said and grabbed my cigarettes to light one for herself. I took one too and we started our traditional morning routine. I didn't smoke before getting to know Mable. She taught me how to smoke and we always did it every morning before school, right after getting a coffee from Starbucks.

"I need to tell you something. I feel like blocking Ace is making you disturbed. It's as if your mind is always disturbed and I don't want that. You genuinely felt happier when he was around so I want you to unblock him." She said as she grabbed my shoulders.

"Mabe stop. It's as if you don't know me. My feelings are not based on people. Plus I don't have attachement issues and I can turn off my feelings whenever I want so I literally don't have any reasons to do such a thing." I said and took a drag from my cigarette.

"Sage. Please just unblock him. I feel guilty for asking you to do such a thing because I realized that it was not logical so do it for me." She said and hugged me. Although I wanted to refuse, I didn't want to make her feel bad for asking me to block Ace.

"Alrighty." I said and hugged her back before putting out my cigarette.