Don't Be Afraid BxB

8. Finally Seeing The Past

I couldn't think straight, I just took in what I was currently feeling. I loved the feeling of his lips on mine, its like every little problem had vanished. But there was still one problem that he couldn't help me solve. I was afraid of loosing everyone just for who I am, i'm head over heels in love with Alexander Storm. I'm so glad i've already come out. Its just Jay that doesn't know. I needed to stop hiding and grow a pair of balls, its easier said then done. I've known I was gay ever since I came out of my mom.

We used to play kiss chase in the playground when I was younger. It's like the game Your It, but you kiss them instead of touch. I would always go after the boys, I remember getting all shy and flustered when I would see a cute boy. I grew up in hiding when I knew it wasn't socially acceptable. I wanted to he accepted for loving another man but we all know that not everybody will be on my side as I struggle with coming to the reality that I was gay.

I needed to come out to Jay. He gave his life to me. He helped raised me to the best of there ability until he went down the dark road. I would watch youtube videos of people my age telling there story to the world, the story of how they came out into loving hugs from there parents that supported them. But with every happy ending you always get a bad one, I hears stories of people who have taken their own lives because they weren't accepted. Love is love.

It takes allot of confidence to come out, especially to your siblings. I'm lucky enough to have been born into a loving family. I know that when the time is right, my brother will accept me into loving arms. Whereas others weren't so lucky. I got lost into my thoughts which can be dangerous, I felt someone poking me. Leave me alone while I try to think. "Phoenix", Alex whined dragging out the 'nix'. What would Jay do if I told him his little brother liked boys. I frowned at the image, if he disowned me I would be crushed.

"Phoenix. Phoenix. Phoenix", he sang while poking my arm harder. "Quit it", I growled at his finger with a slight pout. He let out an adorable laugh while attempting to poke me again until I pretended to nip his finger. "Aw", I smiled as he continued to laugh at me with tears leaking from his eyes. I had the urge to kiss him again, whenever he hugs me or puts his lips to mine, all my troubles fade. I puckered my lips out and made a few kiss noises making him crack up again. That laugh is going to be the death of me. He leaned forward. The butterflies were going crazy in the pit of my tummy as he moved our lips in sync. I wanted him to be mine, it would kill me if some other perfect boy swooped in and stole him.

I wasn't ready for a relationship until I came out which I wasn't ready for yet. "Mm", he breathed out as his fingers pressed into my hips drawing me closer. I tugged at my ear as the atmosphere got tense. "What are they saying", Alex placed his hand over mine making it drop to my side. "Nothing", I mumbled wanting to kiss him again. "Well, you can sleep with me. I have some pyjamas that might fit you", I smiled warmly as I crawled into bed with him by my side. Before the darkness could over take me, I felt his fingers slip into mine.

Mom came into my room later that night, I couldn't sleep that night. I just going over i my head of how i'm going to plucker up the courage to come out to my parents. I was sat up leaning my back against the headboard watching Alex sleeping peacefully next to me. "Are you awake?", Mom whispered stepping into my room making sure not to make much noise. "You didn't tell me we were having company", she frowned but stepped closer to take a peak at him. He was curled up under the blanket while having a right grip on my hand.

I tensed in my place as she noticed our hands interlocked, I ignored it and hoped she wouldn't question it. "Sorry... He's only going to be here for a few days. He's um.. having family issues", I sighed quietly. "Whats his name?", she sat on the edge of my bed and took a peek over at him. "Alexander, he's goes to school with me", I smiled running my thumb over his hand. "Just come out and say it", she smiled. "Mommy, I'm in love", I whispered as I exploded into sobs. "Duh, i've noticed how you come home all flustered and you cant wait to go back to school", she kneeled over and wrapped her arms around me. "What if he doesn't feel the same way?", I sniffled.