Don't Be Afraid BxB

4. Am I insane?

Alexanders P.O.V ^_^

(I googled about hearing voices, so this might not be realistic? I'm sorry)

"Phoenix, are you hearing voices?", I whispered while staring at him curiously. The way he acted in the locker room, wasn't just caused by a panic attack. He was screaming at everyone around him, though nobody was even there. I notice how he always tugs on his ear lobes when he looks anxious, my mom is a doctor and she always used to tell me the warning signs of mental illnesses. "Phoenix?", I asked to get his attention but he was stood still. He was frozen in his place, eyes wide and his stare was right through my soul. "No? what makes you think that?", he asked out in a panic. "Just answer my question", I frowned rubbing my hand against his shoulder to give him some type of confort. He just looked down at the ground.

He failed at trying to wipe the tears away as they just dropped to the floor heavily. "I'm scared", he sobbed quietly as I instantly wrapped my arms around him. He burried his face into my chest, I could feel my shirt soak up all his tears. "It's going to be okay, come take a walk with me", I suggested.We got to the old abandoned park no one uses anymore, it got shut down years ago. I took a seat on the swing as he took the one next to me. "What happened in the changing room?", I blurted out wanting to know why he scratched my arms up when all I did was try and comfort him. "He never came when I needed him, they would stop", he cried softly.

"It started when I was little, my brother started getting into drugs. My parents would constantly argue and I felt neglected. They never paid any attention to me, Jay promised me that he would never leave me but everyone breaks there promises. I had no one to talk to, I was completely alone until the voices came. It finally felt like I had someone to talk to, someone who would listen to me when I needed them too. I got older and realized I was slowly going insane, i realized it wasn't normal to be hearing them. I want them to go away, I want them to leave me alone but they never do. I feel like I'm trapped, I can't escape when its my own mind thats locked up", he broke down.

"Come here", I held my arms out but he just remained still. "I don't deserve a life Alex, theres so many people who die when they don't deserve it. What have I ever achived, maybe if I wasn't born none of my family drama would have happened. Every year for my birthday, I blow out the candles wishing to die. Everyone claps without knowing how bad I just want to end it all. I'm insane, all I ever do is cause trouble. I scar myself to release my inner deamons but that never works. I just want the voices to go away, I just want to wake up six feet under and be set free", he said while staring at his shoes. I didn't know what to say...

"Phoenix listen to me. Ending you're life will never be the answer, there is plently of help out there that will set you free from the voices you're hearing. When I look at you, it feels like I've known you my whole life. I feel like I could tell you anything, you're the sweetest person I've ever met and you honestly don't deserve any of this shit thats going on with you. I promise I'll always be here to talk, whenever you need me I'll be here with you", I linked my fingers with his. His hands were so soft, I never wanted to let him go.

"Thats the kindest thing anyones ever said to me Alex, I have to do what I have to do. I've been from hospital to hospital praying that they give me anything to block out the constant screaming around me. Nobody understand what it's like, I'm living in fear everyday. I've tried to end my life so many times Alex, but theres always someone who drags me back into reality to make me suffer even more in my own silence. I go to sleep everynight wishing that I never wake up, I just want to be free", he whispered as he held my hand back tighter. "Please don't take you're own life", I frowned feeling the water works start. His hand brushed against his ear shakingly, I wrapped my other hand around his wrist pulling us up to stand. I released his wrist as I heard him wince in pain.

"Please stop", I sighed while tracing my fingers along the scars inbedded in his arm. I leaned down placing my lips to his wrist. "I'll try", he sighed while watching me place gentle kisses up his arm. "I'm sorry I did this to you", he sniffled brushing his hand against the scratch marks on my arm. I smiled as he pressed his plump lips against the skin, I felt the butterflies as he pulled back. "You missed", I smiled out confusing him. "What?", he raised his eyebrow. I chuckled while cupping his face in the other hand as my right was interlocked with his. "You missed", I breathed out while placing my lips on his. Our first kiss.