Don't Be Afraid BxB

14. Pulse Of The Maggots

Next chapter will be soooo much better, but I hope you enjoy :') comment for next chapter <3

Phoenix P.O.V.

Well, there goes my innocence. I couldn't rid of that tugging feeling in my stomach, I feel like i've made a big mistake. I gave my virginity to someone I love and care about, why do I regret it? My thoughts were the reason I was up all night. Just thinking. I wanted to see Jay, maybe he could give me some answers to who my parents really were and how they died. I missed Jay more after I found out we were orphans. I understand now why he was so over protective. He was my protector. He always was, and always will be. I'm grateful that Rebecca and Andrew took me into there home and raised me, but I feel slightly betrayed that they never told me.

I guess thats kinda selfish, me feeling betrayed by them and not Jay. But I understand why Jay never told me. I woke up with that weird gut feeling again. I'm not going to avoid Alex, it's not fair. I just wont be able to make eye contact for a while. I keep having mental flashbacks. Alex running his hands all over me, while I gave him my body. His lips all over my skin as I arched my back, getting closer. I cringed at the thought, maybe I just wasn't ready. Lets just hope.

"Ow", a groan escaped Alex's mouth making my heart beat speed up. "Phoenix?", he whimpered patting around the bed for me. I just watched his hand brush against my arm. A shock of butterflies ran through me. "Hi", I whispered not sure what to say. I feel awkward after what happened last night, to feeling guilty about his knee. He came looking for me, wanting to know if I was okay. In return, he got injured because I didn't answer his texts. Aw, Alex.

"Hey sweeties, i'm gonna take you to the hospital so get ready", Mom smiled. It felt weird calling her Mom, i'm just gonna have to get used to it. Also, used to the fact that my birth parents are lying six feet under when I had no idea. "Thanks Rebecca", Alex sat up. You could just see his face show off how much pain he was in. I looked away guilty. He shot me a weird look, I just took off and I was out the house within thirty seconds. I was wearing my batman pyjama pants, an old slipknot shirt with my black converse. At least I wasn't just in my underpants.

I just ran out on Alex, what is wrong with me? "Phoenix? Where are you going?", I saw him struggling over to the doorway. I couldn't face him. He was holding onto the wall for support, looking like he was about to cry at any minute. "Phoenix, help me? I'll come with you", he sent me a warm smile. My heart broke in my chest. My feet went against me and just took off running. I couldn't look back to know he was crying. I've become the worst boyfriend ever, he deserves someome way better than me. I see how Andy looks at him, they would be perfect. "Just take what you need, and be on on your way. And stop crying your heart out", Oasis blasted from my earbuds. I just needed to take a long ass walk, cry all my emotions out.

Alex <3 - Did I do something wrong? I love you :(

I didn't have the heart to reply, i've become so cold and cruel. I looked down at my feet, just taking pointless steps to wherever. I thought about Janet and Christian, what type of parents were they? If they were here right now, would they turn there noises up at me or would they accept me with loving arms. Was Janet a beautiful lady who stayed at home looking after her children while Christian went to work to pay the bills. Was he a good dad who'd take Jay out to the park, would he hold me and smile down as I looked back at him. Would he kiss my cheek goodnight?

Were they married, what about their parents? Would Janet hold me all night as I cried? Would she sing me lullabies to soothe me to sleep? I wish I could just have one day, one final chance. Just to meet them, Jay got to meet them so why couldn't I have been the lucky one too. How did they die? Was I mistake, did they end there lives when I was born? I looked up, I should just turn around now but I couldn't. I needed answers.