Midnight Blues // Jake Kiszka

twelve

A/N: I wanted to get another chapter in before the new year! I hope you all enjoy! I'm going to try my best to get into a regular updating schedule, but let's see what actually happens :)

**

That night, regardless of Jake being next to me, I had that same dream. I couldn't get Jita out of my head. I didn't know much about her, but I knew there was most likely bad blood between us. When I woke myself up from the fever dream, sweat coating my forehead, Jake woke up with me. 

"Jake, I need to know about Jita." 

"What about her?" 

"Anything, as much as you're willing to tell me I guess." 

He sat upright and sighed. 

"Our car had broken down on the way to one of our shows. We were running late and had all the equipment in the car and no clue what to do. If we waited for help, we would've been late. She was driving through and offered us a ride to the venue. The rest is history. I promise you there are no residual feelings though, she cheated on me multiple times while we were on tour. I guess I was just waiting until I found something real to break it off with her." 

This was real? The sneaking around, the lying to his brother. I was jealous of Jita. They had a definitive start, and our whatever-this-was started out as a mistake. You can't build something meaningful from a mistake. I didn't want to start an argument and I couldn't tell if I was upset or just touchy from the lack of sleep, so I just cried. Hard. 

"Freya, what's wrong?" He asked, concern draping his voice. 

"This isn't right." I sobbed.

"What isn't?"

"Nothing."

"Freya, we need to talk this through, please?" He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. 

"The way this all started. It just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I lied to Josh, you lied to Jita. Now, she's out to get us. All the signs are saying we shouldn't be doing this, Jake. No matter how much I love you, I don't think this is a good idea."

He was silent for a moment, at least I thought so. My heart was pounding too loudly in my ears for me to hear anything else. 

"You love me?" he whispered. 

"Yes, maybe, I don't know. Is it a good or bad thing?"

"Depends on which one it is" He laughed. 

"Hey, I just confessed my feelings to you and you're giving me a hard time?" I frowned. 

"So it was a yes then?" 

"Maybe." 

"Then maybe I'm giving you a hard time."

"I hate you" 

"No you don't, you love me" he said in a sing-song voice. 

"Jacob Thomas Kiszka, I will kill you." 

"I'd like to see you try" 

I rolled over, grabbing him and peppering kisses all over his face. The sounds of the night becoming the backtrack to our tender touches. 

//

The next few weeks I barely saw the boys, as they were getting a lot more studio time to work on their upcoming album. It was all fine until I had had time to replay that conversation in my head over and over and I realized I was the problem. I had told a guy I had only known for a few months that I loved him. What the fuck was wrong with me? I sighed deeply as I pulled the blanket up over my body. I had had absolutely nothing to do since they've been at the studio. Management thought it would be best if I laid low for a while, until the hysteria around Jita's article had died down. That meant I pretty much couldn't leave the hotel. The boys had been sweet about it, making sure I had plenty of food and other things so I didn't die while they were gone. I had taken to spending my days laying on the couch, eating red vines and watching day time television. Jake hadn't been here since they had started recording. Part of me understood it; he was tired. Their days ran from early in the morning to around 6 in the evening and they pretty much just came home and crashed. Between writing, recording and the interviews they did for publicity, they were probably beat. Part of me felt like he had just forgotten about me, and it was pretty easy to, I had just become part of the furniture at this point. 

"Your brain is gonna rot ya know." Josh said, entering the room. 

"Yup, not much up there anyway. Don't really mind it." 

"Scooch over." He said, making his way to the couch. I sat up just long enough for him to sit on the couch and placed my head on his lap. 

"Long day?" 

"Yeah, we started doing the final mixings for some of the tracks on the album, but we're still getting a bit of attention from the Jita article. The paparazzi has started coming to the studio, so it's a bit hard to focus on work with all the hysteria." 

"I'm sorry." 

"Don't be, never really liked Jita anyway. I just want to see Jake happy and he is with you." 

I couldn't help but scoff, then realized that I did. 

"What was that?" He asked

"I don't think Jake is happy with me."

"Of course he is, why would you say that?"

I sat up and looked at Josh, "Did I tell you I told Jake I loved him?" 

To my surprise, he didn't seem surprised. 

"You didn't, go on." 

"He didn't say it back and he hasn't said a word to me since you guys started going to the studio, so I feel like I did something wrong." 

"He just has a lot on his mind right now. This thing with Jita hasn't been easy on him. Give it a little bit, I'm sure things will clear up. I have to ask though, do you love him?" 

"Yes. I wasn't sure of it at first, but as time progresses, I feel it more and more. I just wish things weren't so complicated." 

"I'm glad. Jake hasn't had someone in his life who loved him for him. It was always what he could do for them or what he had. Things will work out if your intentions are pure, that's what I believe. Everyone thinks Jake is this complex being, but the truth is at the end of the day he's just someone who wants someone who appreciates him and his passions." 

"Thanks Josh." 

"Of course, don't overthink too much." He said, pushing my hair behind my ear. 

The obsidian night rushed in before we knew it and Josh went to bed, so he could be up early and I laid awake with my thoughts. The more I thought about it, the more twisted my stomach became. I threw the blanket off and grabbed the notepad and pen from the counter. I folded it up and scribbled Josh's name on it. I speedily packed up my things and took a deep breath before closing the hotel room door behind me. 

Jake needed a lot of things, but I wasn't one of them.