Midnight Blues // Jake Kiszka

eighteen

**JAKE'S POV**

VALENTINE'S DAY.

"Hey, Jake!" Jita exclaims from the table, as I walk through the front door and immediately meet her eyes

"Hey, Jita." I say, coolly. 

She stands up to join me as we both make our way to the cashier to place an order. I had been to this coffee shop more times than I would have liked to admit, solely for the purpose of maybe bumping into Freya. There was something so comforting about coffee shops and the fact that the girl I loved worked here at one point made it all the more comforting. Plus, they had pretty bitchin' coffee. 

Once we were back at the table, coffee in hand, I breathed deeply. I felt bad for calling Jita up, because of our history and because I needed to ask her advice. I had gone to all of the women I could trust and they had all told me that my chance with Freya had passed, that I had waited too long and that I should just let her go. I wasn't going to accept that though. She was the love of my life, I was convinced of it. I just needed to time things properly and I needed a grand gesture of sorts to make her know the way I felt about her, to make her know I felt the same way that she did. Unless she didn't feel that way anymore. I didn't know. I couldn't read her like I could all of my ex girlfriends. She was different, complex. It was what brought her to me and kept her in my orbit. 

"How are you doing?" she asked, bringing me out of my thoughts. 

It was probably one of the few times she had asked me that, so I was taken aback a bit. 

"I'm doing fine, how are you doing?" I returned her question, trying not to come off as too surprised. 

"I'm alright, lots of stress right now with school." She said, fiddling with the coffee lid.

"Yeah, I'll bet, how's that going?" 

"It's good, I like it, just a lot....why did you invite me here, Jake?"

"I needed clarity." I said. 

I hadn't quite formed how I was going to ask her for her advice about Freya without her getting pissed off, but I guess I needed to figure something out pretty soon. 

"Clarity?" she asked, confused. 

"Yes. I think I made a mistake. Hypothetically, if I were trying to win someone back, what should I do?" 

"Hmmm, well it is Valentine's Day. I would take advantage of that. Maybe flowers, cook dinner or something? A romantic bath?" She said. 

Wow, I had forgotten it was Valentine's Day. I let my imagination run wild with the idea of seeing a smile on Freya's face when I surprised her. I would show up with flowers, confess my love and then she would cry and jump into my arms. I would cook for her and then we could do the romantic bath and who knows what else. I had felt a smile growing on my face and then realized where I was. 

I looked at Jita and saw her smiling at me. A blush crept on my cheeks, I didn't like being stared at like that, it felt too attentive. It was odd because in the two years we had been dating, Jita had never been that attentive when it came to me. It was always her problems, things that she needed, and she didn't show any interest in my hobbies or anything else that I liked. 

** 

I went straight to the flower shop after coffee, hoping to find flowers that were as beautiful as Freya. What was horrible was how packed the storefront was and how out of stock most of the flowers were. Roses were too cliché, sunflowers were too big. I settled on a small bouquet in the back of the shop that was composed of aster, baby's breath and marigolds. It was a simple, but elegant arrangement. I hoped she liked it. I had never asked her her favorite flower. That was one thing that I regretted. I never felt like I had got to know her. Our encounters had been sweat clad, cramped, and the only conversations we had were sweet nothings exchanged in hushed tones. 

I missed those early months where we'd escape the cramped hotels in the middle of a night to go indulge in ice cream at the corner mart and walked along the streets that were really only lit by the neon signs illuminating the water that dotted them. I missed her laugh, how it was so quiet when she didn't need to be, and the few times I got her practically howling in laughter and how I didn't cherish those moments enough because I really couldn't make that happen often. I missed the way she would fuss with her hair, tying it up and taking it down so many times when she was anxious. I missed the way she made me feel--loved, appreciated, noticed. She had found ways to make me feel like me more in the few months we had known each other than in my last 24 years of being alive. 

I closed the door to my hotel room behind me and placed the flowers in the fridge. Beelining to the bathroom, I started the shower and let the steam swirl around me as I stripped. I peeled the shower curtain back and stepped in hastily, allowing the hot water to run down my back and the steam seep into my tired skin. It was already 4:30 pm by the time I had gotten out of the shower, and I still needed to go to the store and get everything else to cook dinner and rose petals and candles for the bath. I wasn't sure if I could convince her to come back to the hotel with me, plus it was probably not safe for her, at the chance of being in the headlines again. I put on my best clothes that I could, grabbed the flowers and went to the store. 

Packing the groceries, rose petals, flowers and candles into my car took such little time. I took a deep breath, ran my hands back through my hair, and headed to Freya's. My heart was pounding the way there, so I decided to turn on the radio. Danny's Song by Loggins and Messina rang out. 

And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

My heart relaxed at the words, Freya's face dancing around my mind. I got up to the door of her apartment and knocked twice. I waited for about 1 minute and knocked again. When the door had been pushed ajar slightly, panic started to fill my chest. I pushed open the door, and the apartment was empty. I slumped against the wall, flowers cascading to the floor. She took everything. She was really gone.