Midnight Blues // Jake Kiszka

thirteen

A/N: Happy New Year everyone! Let's hope this year doesn't suck :)

//

Silence shrouded the city, as the sun peaked over the horizon. I had no plan in order for getting out of here, but I knew I needed to leave before Josh woke up otherwise I wouldn't have been able to leave. I had spent the night sleeping on a park bench, clutching my bag to make sure that nobody took it. Although that was probably not my safest bet, it was really my only viable option. That had resulted in me being unable to sleep, a lot of back pain, and a growing need for some sort of caffeine in my system. I stumbled over to some corner coffee shop and got the most caffeine rich drink and starchiest pastry I could find on their chalkboard. I sat at a table in the corner of the shop and started dissociating. I hadn't received any texts or calls from the boys, so that either meant that they weren't up yet or they didn't care. It was already 6 am and I knew that they were in fact awake because they needed to be in the studio by 8 am. Amidst their busy life, I was just something that wasn't important. They didn't have time to be worrying about my whereabouts or how I was doing when they had their careers to focus on. I was merely a distraction, and now that I was gone, I was probably doing them a favor. 

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the barista bringing my drink and pastry to the table, smiling a smile of pure pity at me. I thanked her and put my hood up, allowing myself to melt into the cloth bench of the booth. I was picking apart the pastry when two familiar voices inundated my ears. 

"She's gone?" Jake's voice cut through my thoughts sharp as a knife

"She left this note on the table this morning." Josh returned, handing him the letter I scribbled hastily

Jake took the letter and scanned it. My heart dropped because I knew exactly what I had written in the letter and I had to watch his face drop as he read it: 

'Josh, 

I'm really sorry for all the trouble I caused both for you and the rest of the guys. I let my emotions put your lives and careers in danger and for that I'll never forgive myself. You boys made me feel like family in such a short amount of time, a feeling I've never had before. I won't forget any of you. Thank you for taking me in. It's time for me to return the favor and stop causing all the trouble in your life.

Love, 

Freya'

"She didn't even mention me." He said, his bottom lip quivering. 

I couldn't watch this anymore, but I couldn't leave either because I would draw too much attention to myself. Luckily I had sat close enough to the bathrooms that I could make a quick escape there at least. I dashed to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I splashed water on my face, hoping to feel more awake and less desiccated than I was. I took a deep breath and headed back to the table. They were gone, thankfully, so I returned to my booth and put my earbuds back in. I still needed a game plan, because I didn't plan to make it far without one. 

I couldn't go back home and beg for my waitress job back, but I also didn't want to stay here in the city. The good thing about having no attachments was that you could pick up and go whenever you wanted to, or in this case needed to. In this case, I only had one new option. Go to a new city, get another shitty part time job (or multiple) and try to keep myself afloat. 

**JAKE'S POV**

The snow had started to fall so the streets were packed with residents rushing to stores to make sure they were all stocked up for the upcoming storm. The boys and I decided to walk it to the studio today to avoid the traffic that would no doubt be flooding the roads. I got a text from Josh asking to stop at Mulligan's for coffee before the studio and I gladly obliged. Surprisingly, I had been the last one up so that meant I had to meet them all there & soon, otherwise we'd be late for the studio. 

The bell chimed as I opened the door to Mulligan's. The cold air rushed through, prickling my skin more than it had when I was walking in it. The warmth and the smell of coffee rushed over my senses, enveloping me like a hug. That feeling was short lived though. I found Josh at the register, looking frantic. 

"Josh, what's up?" I asked, approaching him. 

"Freya. She's gone, man." 

"She's gone?"

"She left this note on the table in the morning." He said, handing me the piece of paper. 

The note was scribbled, as if she was in a rush. 

'Josh,

I'm really sorry for all the trouble I caused both for you and the rest of the guys. I let my emotions put your lives and careers in danger and for that I'll never forgive myself. You boys made me feel like family in such a short amount of time, a feeling I've never had before. I won't forget any of you. Thank you for taking me in. It's time for me to return the favor and stop causing all the trouble in your life.

Love,

Freya'

My heart dropped. 

"She didn't mention me." I said

I could feel my lip quivering, and I would not allow myself to cry. Not here. 

"I'm sorry," Josh said "She did talk to me yesterday, saying that she had said she loved you?"

"Yeah, she did, but obviously she didn't mean it if she left like this without saying goodbye."

"She said you didn't say it back." 

"I swear I had, or at least tried to show her I had."

"I don't know man, women pick up on these things. It is nice to hear it sometimes though, and you know more than anyone how much it can hurt when people don't say what they mean." 

"Yeah I guess you're right." 

"So let me ask you then, do you love her?" 

"I don't know." 

"Then maybe you should figure that out first. Come on, we're gonna be late."