Midnight Blues // Jake Kiszka

twenty five

The photoshoot ended as quickly as it began and while it hurt to see Jake ignoring me, the thought of not seeing him hurt more. Now that all the memories had come flooding back, it was hard to push them back into hiding. I was packing up my equipment when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to meet the dazzling brown eyes of one Josh Kiszka. 

"Hey," he said, embracing me "how are you doing?"

"I'm great, how are you?" I responded, wrapping my arms around his torso. 

Josh wasn't much taller than I was, but it was still enough to make me feel small and safe when he hugged me. 

"No, how are you really? I've been watching the two of you." He said, stroking my hair. 

Josh had always been the touchy, feely type. That was his love language, while Jake was the polar opposite. He only opened up to people he felt safe with. His touches were laced with campfire smoke and bourbon. They were dark, seductive. While Josh felt like Sunday mornings doing a crossword puzzle while the aroma of coffee swirled in the air, Jake was of a different caliber. He was Friday night under the expansive star flaked sky, exchanging glances and touches with animal-like instinct. It's true that I wasn't entirely thinking with my head, just my body's response, but who could blame me? 

I glanced over to Jake and instantly regretted it as my entire body started to ache with the loss of him. The glance shifted into longing, and I felt it on my face, but I just couldn't look away. 

"I'm fine. If he's fine, I'm fine." 

"Really? You should probably tell your face that." Josh chuckled. 

I shot a glare up at him and nestled back against his body. If only Jake was always as communicative as his twin, I wouldn't have to try and decipher what was going on in his head. We could fix this. 

"I don't know what to do, Josh." I sighed, giving in. 

"He's still in love with you." 

"Did he say that?"

"Well, no, but I can tell. Twin telepathy." 

"Well that doesn't mean anything then. Besides, I finally took charge of my life, I can't let him have control again."

"Then don't give him control. If you talk to him first, the ball is in your court." 

"JOSH, STOP HITTING ON FREYA. COME ON, WE HAVE TO GO." Sam yelled. 

"Go?" I inquired

"Yeah, dinner with the family. Ronnie is home for the first time in a while, so it'll be nice to eat with everyone. You can come if you want."

"That sounds nice, but I'll pass. I don't want to intrude or make things even more awkward between Jake and I."

"No wait, you should definitely come---SAM, CAN YOU CALL MOM AND TELL HER FREYA IS COMING FOR DINNER?"

"FREYA'S COMING?? HELL YEAH, ON IT."

I swore I could've seen Jake throw a glare in Josh's direction, but I decided to ignore it. Besides, I had to argue my way out of this dinner. There was no way that it would go well with the whole Kiszka family and I. The judgement I would get would be too unbearable. 

"Josh, seriously, I can't--"

"Freya, come on. If anything, think of it as a free warm meal." Josh said, giving me puppy dog eyes. 

There was nothing that would make me think of the situation as anything but awkward, but once Josh had his mind made up, there was no changing it. 

"Fine, but I'm sitting next to you." I sigh. 

"Deal." He grinned. 

"SAM, DID WE GET THE OKAY FROM MOM?"

"YEAH, WE'RE GOOD TO GO." Sam yelled.

"I guess since I have all my equipment and my car I'll just follow you guys." 

"Sounds good," Josh affirmed "Gang, we ready to go?"

They all nodded and piled into their car. I finished packing up my equipment and threw it in the trunk of my car and got in. Their place wasn't too far from the photo location luckily. I took a deep breath as I pulled in behind them and waited for a minute for them to exit the car. I really didn't want to go in. I couldn't shake Jake's glare and I knew he would only be on his best behavior in front of his family, so it would feel so fake. 

I trailed behind them to the front door and didn't say a word. Josh wrapped his arm around me, rubbing the side of my shoulder. 

"You'll be fine, I promise." He whispered. 

I rolled my eyes just as their mother opened the door. 

"Oh my babies, come in come in! Dinner is almost ready!" She said, letting us all flood into the house. 

"It smells great in here, Mrs. K!" Danny exclaimed. 

"Well, thank you Daniel. I stuck with simple--homemade pizza. Hope you boys and Freya are hungry." 

I blushed at the call out. I nodded simply in her direction, feeling the nervousness exude off me. It wasn't long before Ronnie decided to join us, along with her partner and the conversation had erupted in the kitchen. 

"Alright everyone, let's move this to the dining table." Mrs. Kiszka chuckled, carrying dinner to the table. 

We all migrated to the dining room and as promised Josh let me sit next to him. I met his eyes and smiled, letting the awkwardness with Jake slip away as I was caught up in conversation with Ronnie. We all sat down, and I turned my attention toward the chair that was being pulled out beside me. Jake. 

"Josh, we had a deal." I whispered to him through gritted teeth. 

"The deal was kept. You're sitting next to me. You never specified about the other side." He chuckled. 

I tried not to let Jake know that he caught my attention, but I became hyperaware of every movement my body made. I tried to continue my conversation with Ronnie, but I felt his eyes on me. 

I swore I heard him say my name, but I didn't dare look over. The ball would definitely be in his court if I did. I felt a hand on my leg and gooseflesh formed beneath his touch. I met his eyes, surprised by the touch. 

"Can we talk later?" He asked, quietly. 

I nodded. Fuck, the ball was in his court now and I felt like I was  going to vomit.