Midnight Blues // Jake Kiszka

nineteen

**FREYA'S POV**

Freedom. It was so close. The traffic that had paused my weightless journey to freedom had finally cleared up and I had pushed through to the open road. The mountains stood tall before me, promising to keep me company. I had rolled the windows down after getting out of the cramped city. It no longer smelled like sulfur and gasoline, but like wildflowers. Out here there were no radio stations I could listen to, so I played the one CD I had in my car--I'd Rather Believe In You by Cher. Long Distance Love Affair started up. 

Momma raised me to love one man
And that's just what I'm trying to do
But since you've been playing
In that rock and roll band
I never see enough of youSaw your picture in a magazine
Read the letters that you sent back home
But of the night I'm alone by the t.v. screen
Listening for the telephoneLong distance love affair
We got a station to station romance
And while I'm here you're always there
This kind of love don't get no where
It's just a long distance love affair

My heart felt like it was being clenched. Jake would always love the rock n' roll lifestyle more than he could ever love me. Who wouldn't? The parties, the shows, the beautiful women practically throwing themselves at him. He had options. I was nothing special. I was just a waitress. He had probably seen tons of those while he was travelling, probably eating at multiple diners. As Greta got more popular, I would just see less and less of Jake anyway. I had to tell myself it had only been about the sex. I wasn't sure where I was going, but it didn't feel like I could stay anywhere near here. 

**

I drove for hours until the sun dipped below the horizon and the pastel colors streaked the open sky. I snapped back to reality, trying to figure out where I was so I could figure out a place to stop for the night. Tiredness pressed against my eyes, reminding me that I still needed to rest despite the anger and sadness plaguing my being. I was in a town that looked familiar. I stopped for gas and found a small diner still serving. My mind was vacant and all I could think about was a warm cup of coffee and a little while off the road. My back was aching and I just needed to lay down. The diner sign read Yellow Rail Diner in neon yellow letters. 

Yellow Rail...oh god. 

I knew exactly where I was. I had subconsciously driven to the only place that I knew someone other than Michigan. Ohio. 

I hadn't been to Ohio in 8 years, since my sister and I had a falling out. I was sure she still lived here, but I didn't know if I had the heart to see if she still lived in the same house. I sat at the white plastic counters in the diner, mulling it over with a crappy cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll. I would probably give it a shot. I had nobody else in this world besides myself. I would at least see if she still lived there, I didn't have to go in. I laid a $5 on the counter, and made my way to my car swiftly. The night had blanketed Columbus and it was starting to spook me. 

I drove to her neighborhood as if it hadn't been almost a decade since the last time I saw her. I pulled into the driveway of what was her house. Her Pontiac was in the driveway, signifying she still lived there. The light was on in the front room and I saw her make her way to the window. She looked so different--Her hair was short, bags hung under her eyes and she wore an oversized tee shirt that practically fell off of her. What surprised me the most though was the baby that sat on her hip. She was bouncing the baby, while he sucked on his thumb, staring out the window. He put his finger on the window, as if pointing at me. I saw my sister look intensely out the window. Before I could duck, we made eye contact and the next thing I knew, she was coming outside. 

She came up to the driver window and looked at me in disbelief. 

I rolled the window down and faced her. She was silent for a minute, taking it in, as I was. 

Then she said, "come out here, bitch, I need a hug."

She stepped aside as I opened the door and hugged her tight. I thought she would have been mad at me, but that was what we did. We got in fights and then all was forgiven after a while. After what was probably a good minute, I pulled away. 

"Why are you here?" she asked, in disbelief.

"I want to start over, maybe settle down. Detroit wasn't the place to do that for me." I sighed.

"Bad breakup, huh?" 

"If you can even call it that." I scoffed. 

"Well come in, I'll put Xander to sleep and we can catch up." 

"Looks like we have a lot to catch up on." I gestured at Xander. 

She laughed nervously and led me inside. She pointed me to the kitchen as she went to Xander's room to put him to sleep. She joined me a few minutes later, sighing as she entered the room. 

"You first." I said to her, before she could ask me any questions. 

"Well Xander just happened. I don't know if you remember Leon, but yeah. We were going to get married just after I found out that I was pregnant with Xander, but then he got a job offer on the other side of the country that he 'just couldn't pass up' that he didn't tell me about until after he had accepted. I didn't want to raise our child in LA, so I stayed behind. Mom and Dad didn't even come to see Xander after he was born, saying it was disgraceful and they didn't like how that made them look. I would've called you, but we just hadn't talked. I didn't think it was my place." Her eyes started to water. I hugged her, reassuring her it was all okay. 

"I'm here now, I'll help you for as long as you need okay?" I said. 

"But what about you? Isn't your life in Detroit?" She asked, wiping away the tears. 

"It's here now. I fell in love with someone who didn't love me. I was stupid and I'm never doing that again." 

"You can't close yourself off again, Freya." 

"It's not closing off, Dana. Consider it more of a hiatus from the dating scene. I want to be there for you and help you with Xander. You don't have to be alone." 

"Oh, I'm, uh, not alone." 

I raised an eyebrow at her. 

"I started seeing someone a few months ago. His name is Maxim. I haven't told him about Xander though." 

"Are you ever planning on it?"

"I don't know, I don't know how well he'll take it." 

"Well you can't hide it from him forever, especially if you see yourself with him in the long run." 

"And you can't hide from love either. When you face your demons, I'll face mine." 

"Ugh, fine." 

"Good. Alright, let me show you to your room, we'll continue this conversation tomorrow and then you can tell me about Jake." 

My heart stopped, "What?"

"Isn't that the guy that's been blowing up your texts since you've gotten here?" 

I had my phone on silent, so I hadn't even noticed the 13 text messages and 7 missed calls from Jake. I turned it off. 

"I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Alright, Wednesday Addams, its bed time for me." She yawned. 

Things felt somewhat comfortable here, and for me, that was probably the best it was going to get. I tried to accept that, even as I turned my phone on, curious to see what Jake had to say before I went to bed.