Midnight Blues // Jake Kiszka

seven

I woke up in a pool of sweat, heat radiating from behind me. I opened my eyes to Jake's arm draped over my midsection, his body a heat sink. I carefully picked his arm up and escaped from the bed, replacing his arm where my body had just been. It was relatively early, about 7:17 am according to my phone, so I tiptoed to the bathroom to wash the scent of sex from my body. I prayed that nobody was awake and especially that I didn't wake them up by running the water because I needed a minute to process what just happened. I hadn't really thought about the repercussions of sleeping with Jake because I really hadn't thought that something like that would actually happen. I mean I could pass it off as rebound sex. He probably just needed to let off some steam from his break up with Jita. I wouldn't allow myself to believe that there was any meaning behind it, because I don't think I could emotionally handle being fucked in the head right now. I finish my shower and head downstairs for a cup of coffee.

"Morning, darling." Josh's voice came, sending prickles down my spine.

"Good morning, Josh." I said, groggily.

I was awake now, and more nervous than ever. Josh could not find out about Jake and I. I knew it was going to be hard for me to not pine for Jake, especially when every event or outing had all of us going out in a group. I wouldn't be able to get a minute alone with Jake. It was either the eyes of Josh, Sam and Danny or the eyes of the paparazzi on us and I wasn't sure which was worse.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked, taking a swig from his water bottle.

"Fine, wish it could have been longer. What about you? Why are you up so early?"

"I slept well, got up early to go for a run."

"Jeez, you're insane." I laughed.

"Trying to stay motivated and fit for my girlfriend." He winked.

I laughed at his subtle advances, but I felt a pang of sadness because he had no clue what was going on behind closed doors.

"So what's the plan for today?"

"Just got a call that we have to head back to the studio today to approve the mixing on a few of our tracks for our new album. I'd love for you to join us if you like."

"Of course, it would be awesome to see the studio and see the behind the scenes of the art."

He smiled, saying goodbye as he went to shower. I sat there, mulling in my decisions, scrolling through my phone and realizing how fucked I was.

**

5 YEARS AGO...

"Hey baby." Alex said, plopping onto one of the bar stools near the counter.

"Hey, darling! What are you doing here?" I smiled, turning from one of the customers to get him a cup of coffee.

"My shift just ended, so I came to see if you needed a ride home."

"That'd be amazing, I'm off in 5."

"No worries."

The ride home was fairly silent, comfortable silence though, filled with music and the sounds of the night. As we approached my apartment, he turned the music down.

"I'm going to marry you one day."

"What?" I said, my heart going at what seemed like 1000 beats per minute.

"I had a dream of us living in California. Only, it wasn't as a couple in my dream. We were married. I was too nervous to say anything, I didn't want you to think I was thinking about it too early."

I was speechless, I wasn't sure my heart could thump any harder and I didn't want to give into it.

2 years later I was looking back on fragments of a love lost, glittering in the moonlight with such promise. Promises he couldn't make. He claimed our lives were going in different directions, but we were headed for the same destination, taking different routes and he just couldn't see that.

Somewhere along the way, I gave every little bit of myself to him and I barely had enough left to keep myself going.

PRESENT DAY

I sat beside Jake in the back seat of Josh's car. I insisted that I was too tired and just wanted to disassociate during the drive. He didn't push it and I was grateful. I couldn't face him, not again after this morning, when he had been genuinely excited to show me this life he had created for himself.
Jake's leg kept bumping into mine, sending waves of electricity up my spine. His eyes wouldn't meet mine though, making my heart drop the distance it raised almost instantaneously. I wanted clarity so bad; I wanted Jake so bad. I hadn't felt this connected to anyone in so long. Maybe I had misinterpreted what happened between us. Maybe I had been just a rebound fuck. Although he had said otherwise, I couldn't help but think that that somehow had contributed. After all, Jita and him had been together for 2 years. He wasn't going to just let all that go within a few days, for some random girl who he met. Especially when she was supposed to be in a fake relationship with his brother and he knew his brother was falling for her. I had no clue what to do, with the idea that it probably meant nothing to Jake taking up more space in my head. Why would it mean anything to him? I remembered who he was and remembered who I was. I was just a waitress from nowheresville. Nobody gave a fuck about me. I just did this for the money, and it was a stable source of income for a while at least. I couldn't let myself ruin it with something that I extrapolated to mean something. Forget him, Freya. I chanted it to myself as I allowed myself to drift into a dreamless sleep.