Midnight Blues // Jake Kiszka

twenty two

**FREYA'S POV**

Somewhere within the next few days, guilt started to inch its way into my soul. Josh had been hanging around Dana's house and helping with Xander and I allowed myself to fall into a routine and pretend that, just for a minute, things were how they should be. It felt nice to have someone to help out, be taken care of and have someone pay attention to me. It had been nice having him around but my heart kept longing for Jake. 

A FEW DAYS AGO...

"Fuck it." Josh said. 

He pressed his lips to mine, desperately. This kiss had been long awaited on his part it had seemed. I let his arm snake around my waist and pull me closer to him. I had missed human contact, but had never experienced anything quite like Josh. His lips tasted of margarita salt and strawberry lip balm, and the overall lingering smell of patchouli wafted from his smooth, tan skin. The kiss was warm and while desperate, it was soft and reassuring. I let my hands find their way to his chocolate curls, entangling my fingers in them, trying to grip at whatever tufts I could. Closer, closer. I needed him closer. He hummed into the kiss, a sound of satisfaction. Jake had slipped out of my mind for a split second, letting Josh take over all of my senses entirely. I was overwhelmed, but loving every minute of it. 

He pulled away, his eyes fluttering open. My bracelet caught on one of the tassels on his vest, preventing us from straying too far from each other. He chuckled nervously as he undid it, trying not to make eye contact. He must have known he overstepped, or at least thought he did. I had turned down a sweet and caring boy, someone who paid attention to me and tried every single opportunity that he could to let me know that I was loved. I turned him down for someone who didn't even know what my favorite color was. Someone who didn't acknowledge me outside of a drunken haze, cramped in dimly lit hotel bathrooms, sweat clad. Someone who only called me sweetheart in a husky manner when the smoke of the third cigarette of the hour had danced in his lungs. Jake smelt like whiskey and cigarettes and tasted like campfire smoke. His kisses were strategic and rough. His hands painting my skin purple where he touched. He was intoxicating, mysterious. 

The twins were two sides of the same coin, and I was forming the perimeter, ensuring they never met. I couldn't do this to them. 

"Josh, you're right. I can't treat you the way I do. I don't want to be the girl that comes in between you and Jake. I can't be that girl. You're family and family comes first. I know that now. That's why I'm going to stay here with my sister and nephew and I'm going to start new here. I'll find a new job. I'll make a name for myself outside of being Greta Van Fleet's slut." I chuckled, trying to show him that it was okay. 

"You're not a slut and we need you Freya. We love having you around. You work so hard and you inspire us every day to do our best. You're our muse in a sense." He smiled. 

I returned his smile, saddened. 

"I'll tell you what. I'll stick around for a few days, and help out here. I'll give you time to think and look for a job and if you can't find anything, come back with me?"

"Josh, I can't. We just kissed. Won't Jake get pissed off? I don't want to start some weird feud between you two."

"I already told him that I kissed you."

"Huh?" 

"I just texted him. I told him I had some unresolved feelings for you and I needed to see if you reciprocated them. He understood." 

"You two weird me out sometimes. What was your consensus from the kiss then?"

"You're lonely, but I'm not the one you want." 

"How do you figure that?"

"If you truly wanted me, you would have had a more affectionate reaction like cupping my face or something like that. Instead you pulled me closer, which to me just seemed like you were missing human contact or something feral like that." He grinned. 

"Well you've just got me all figured out haven't you, Kiszka?" 

"Someone has to." 

I smiled weakly. Ouch. 

"Freya, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant it as Jake is learning how to open up again after Jita. She completely closed him off and he is exhausted. I understand that that is no excuse for his behavior but he realized he did something wrong. Yes, he needed guidance in starting off on the right foot with you, but that doesn't mean he is completely clueless. He wants to make you feel loved and special, just like you made him feel. Your heart knows you still have feelings for him and I know your brain does too."

I sighed. I knew he was right. I just didn't know how to approach this. I had made myself so vulnerable to get shot down and I didn't know if I could handle it again. I agreed to let him stay for a few days while I tried to figure out the best plan of action. 

PRESENT...

"Have you come to a decision yet?" Josh asked, sweeping some stray cheerios Xander had thrown on the floor into a small dustpan. 

"Not yet," I said, circling some job adverts in the newspaper "it's impossible to find a job with just waitressing experience."

"How 'bout some fake girlfriend jobs?" He smiled wide.

"Real funny." 

"Come on," he emptied the dustpan into the trash "what job have you always wanted to do?"

"Hmm...possibly a bookseller?"

"That's a thought! You do love good literature. I think you'd be really great at that."

"There's only one bookstore here though."

"Doesn't hurt to apply. You could go in there today and see if they're hiring."

"Okay, maybe I'll do that. Thanks, Josh."

"Not a problem. Plus, if they're not hiring, there are tons of bookstores in any city and you could work wherever you wanted to and we could swing by when we're in town from tour."

I smiled at him, "I'd like that. Right now, though, Dana needs me. And to be honest, it's nice being around her again. I've missed her."

"From what I've met of Dana, she does not need you. She's self sufficient, plus she's getting serious with her partner."

"Damn you, Josh, is she telling you things that she isn't telling me?"

"Hey, not my fault you go to bed so early!" 

I stuck my tongue out at him and got up to head to the bookstore. The sign on the door had my body freeze in place outside of the entrance. They were going out of business. I swiveled on my heel and headed right back to my car. I was disappointed and it wasn't even noon yet. Josh's face was surprised as I walked in to the house, putting my keys back in the tray. 

"Back so soon?"

"They're going out of business."

"Oh no. Looks like you're coming back with me." He smiled. 

"You could at least act a little sad." I frowned.

"There are just bigger and better things out there for you, that's why I'm smiling."

"You're a jerk." 

"You know damn well I'm not. Alright, I'll tell the boys we're heading back tomorrow?"

"No. I don't want Jake to know. Just tell him you're heading back. I have made my decision."

"What's that?"

"I will come back with you, but I want to go our separate ways once we get back. I don't want to cause any more trouble in your lives."

"But Freya, you're not--"

"Please, Josh."

He sighed, defeated. Although it pained me, I needed a fresh start and that meant no Jake and no Greta. 

//

A/N: probably one or two more chapters before the end of Midnight Blues! Thank you to everyone who came on this journey with me and to everyone who voted! Let me know which boy I should write about next!