Hopes Of Anna

Chapter Thirty-five: Side Effects May Include...

For those who watch The Late Late Show and know of a game featured in it called Side-effects may include, I am playing that game right now and for those who left a mystery group made up of your best friends, side-effects may include:
   ★ Loneliness.
   
   ★ Increased drug addiction.
 
   ★ Decrease in popularity.
   
   ★ Increase in bully.
 
   ★ Self-hatred.
  
    ★ and so many emotions all at once.
          That's right, I was a mess after our second break-up. It was real bad because I had three breakups; my group, Ludie and Caldwell. Each day I saw Caldwell at school was so much torture and I was destroyed by it. Though, it did help as my grades got better. Mom dedicated all her time in my healing process and I spent a lot of time with her. Andre did not like coming home anymore to avoid seeing Dad so frequently. My crying increased which got me looking messed up and I regained my stutter. Yay.
       Good news though, the principal was back and when he found out about our mystery group mission, he immediately dismissed it. Too bad we already knew a lot about it. There was rumour that Caldwell had a new girlfriend after his break up with the "mistake", yes, I was now called the mistake. He did start hanging out with one girl but I was not supposed to care. I had programmed my brain to focus on nothing but my studies.
      My chemistry teacher came to me after school one day.
      'Hi Anna.' She said with a warm smile.
       'Good afternoon Miss.' I said packing up my books.
        'I was going through my students data and I discovered it's someone's birthday today.' She said.
        'Oh whose?' I asked thinking she wanted me to help with something.
          'Anna, don't be so modest. Happy birthday.' My chemistry teacher said touching my cheek playfully.
         My birthday? My birthday was March 2....Oh. I looked at my phone's date: March 2nd.
     'I can't believe you didn't know that?'
     What can I say, me neither.
        'Thanks Miss.' I said. I had gotten so lost now. I did not even remember it was my own birthday. My mom and everyone else did too. I was so lonely on my birthday, walking home sadly.
                 ************
         It began raining in the evening. It was a heavy sad rain like my heart was. Finger-dip was the only thing I had to give me some amount of happiness actually. There was a knock on the door that night. In the middle of the rain?
      I opened the door and saw my brother totally drenched in the rain.
     'Happy birthday Anna.' He said bringing out a bouquet of flowers equally drenched. Of course he didn't forget. He was my big brother.
        Despite his soaked clothes I gave him a hug, for being there. I loved him so much and now I realized Andre was the only one who never caused me pain. I mean not physical pain (yes, I do remember the awful slap).
       'The car stopped like a mile away.' Andre said after his clean-up. 'I just had to come. Your hero right.' Andre said flexing his arm muscles at me.
I laughed.
       'Nothing more heroic than coming to wish me happy birthday.'
         'You don't know how far NYU is from Appel View.' Andre said cleaning his hair. 'So you're sixteen today uhn?'
          'Yeah.'
          'Done enough to feel like a big girl?'
            'Yeah.'
             'I know it's been pretty wild Anna.' Andre said. Everyone knew, but who knew why? 'Anna I support your decision to get focused again.' I could sense a turn. No one liked what I changed to, Andre definitely had something else to say....
         It was two minutes now and it turns out my brother had nothing else to say.
         'It's not like you can't get back on your feet in school and keep your sanity.' Andre said sitting by me in front of the TV. I was not insane! He was not even around much to know if I was.
          'Look Andre__'
           'Anna, you know it ain't your friends causing any of this happening. It ain't K.L. Maybe Caldwell, but... whatever it is, you know it. Give yourself a birthday gift and heal from it.' Andre said. Now it didn't sound like Andre talking. He didn't have that cool vibe he had when he spoke. He was peaceful and straight forward.
    I gave all my brother's words a thought. Maybe he was right. Maybe I was recovering from the wrong thing. I knew what was wrong with me but did I really have to tell myself that what makes me so peaceful can drive me mad.
     'Anna you know you can tell me anything.' Andre said. I wish I could tell him that I had been using finger-dip he had actually given to me for up to four months now. Andre never asked for finger-dip back. He never thought I would get into what we were fighting against.
       'I know.' I said. Was I going to tell him? My heart pounded as I played a hundred possible ways the conversation would go.
           'I broke up with Caldwell.' I said, chickening out.
         'Uhnnnn...Anna.' Andre said as he gave me a cozy hug. 'I thought it was just a break.'
          'We both made mistakes.' I said crying on his chest.
           'Anna, come on lil sis, don't cry.' Andre said rocking me as I continued to sob.