Hopes Of Anna

Chapter Thirty-three: Happenings.

           School was finally opened again. Everywhere bubbled but no one seemed to care about last semester's results; except me of course. Caldwell gave me a kiss and told me he was sure I did well. I passed all my tests well but about the exams, I did not do enough.
         My class teacher passed the results to us one after the other. When she reached my seat, she shook her head with a sigh, handing me the paper. With shaky hands I checked my grades.
       Math:D, English: B, Chemistry:F, Physics: C.... So many were Cs and it was killing me internally. I could feel the world around me stop while I am spun around by an invisible force that created laughters that mocked me. I looked around me then at Caldwell at the back of the class. He waved but I did not care. I picked up my bag and left the classroom.
                 **********
     I cried in the small room I once cried in when I was humiliated by Lucie. I did not cry because I had a bad result but because I had lost my identity with that bad result. I am Anna, the one who's hopes kept her going. The smart nerd who always had an idea of whatever you threw at her. It was my tag and my personality. It was the tag I could be proud of. Now I had lost it, I would be Anna, Caldwell's girlfriend. That was not a tag a modern girl like me wanted.
      After crying for some minutes, someone finally opened the door.
      'Oh, he was right. You are here.' Caldwell said sitting by me. I burst into new tears falling into my boyfriend's arms.
       'It's alright. Shh.' Caldwell said stroking my hair.
        'I've lost myself. I have.' I said.
        'It's just a bad score. It's nothing that bad.' Caldwell said in console.
         'I'm not myself anymore.' I said breathing heavily as I spoke.
        'It's alright.'
         'No its not!' I had finally lost that temper. 'Don't say it's going to be okay. I don't know what I've become.'
         'Anna__'
        'You don't understand Caldwell. I've been a different person these past months. I have done really bad things and my life is so messed up now!' I said sniffing as I spoke.
         'I know but you will get through this.' Caldwell said putting his hand on my cheek, so soft and warm.
         'Caldwell.' I said. I was ready to do this.
          'It's alright Anna.'
          'I cheated on you.' I said trying to find tears that would cover up how much guilt I had in me.
           'What?'
           'I'm so sorry.'
            'I don't understand.' Caldwell said with the a confused look on his face.
              'I cheated on you with....with..with another guy.' I said, still not crying.
            'What?'
             'I'm so sorry.' I said leaving the room.
                    **********
      What was happening to me? What has been happening to me? Where was that shy weird Anna I hated so much and why was she replaced by this drug-addicted, cheating, dummy!
           I cried so much in school and remained in the a bathroom stall for the rest of the day. I did not pick anyone's calls or opened the stall even when Marie came shouting and cursing at me to open up the door. At a point, anger consumed me and I hit my head against the wall in tears and frustration.
       True, this was more than my grades effect. This was realization of some kind. A realization I faced painfully.
       Later that day, I left school before Mom came to pickup me up. I got home and went straight up to my room. I locked up the door and went on with the business that gave me pleasure and released all my pressure. But drugs provoked me. It mocked my ability to control myself and it. I could fling it right out my window and never have to see it but desperation to have it stuck it to my palm like glue.
   Damnit!
       I took a seat at my table and poured the powder in my bottle of water.
      I gulped it down quickly. Damn! It was so bitter I could barely have it all down. Then I got dizzy. Everywhere blurred with echoing sounds in my ear. Standing up was war. War against the seat my buttocks were firmly pressed against leaving me to struggle with an illusion of the ropes that tied me to the chair.
       There was no place I had to myself but here. But the world's strangers drew me in every direction. Then it all stopped. It was finally me again,my family and my unusual personality, all in one place. It all came crashing down. Falling off the table, Mom quiet as Dad fell. Then she fell, but Andre was safe––like he always is. Safe from being the outcast, the broken, the sick and even the infamous.
         Happiness gave me it's hand. Smiling and beautiful, she was with me but then she became sad and was drawn from me with screams that scared me.
    I tried shaking these awful images from my head. Finger-dip was literally made for this but I could not reach it. I tried but I was far, far from everything.
      Then it all stopped again. Everywhere shook as I tried to reach it. Then I jumped out of this world that was made to punish me. I jumped into a tiny hand.
        'Anna, are you okay?' Keira said looking at me__on the floor. I stood upright immediately.
       'Yeah. How did you get here?'
         'Your Mom said to come check if you're in here.' She said with her little sweet voice. I sniffled.
       'Kay, I'll be right down.' I said, checking the time. I had been in that__trance? for fifteen minutes.
        'What's this drink?' Keira pointed at the remaining drink in the bottle.
            'Nothing.' I saw d snatching it.
            'You've got dark bags under your eyes. You don't look so good Anna and that's not good for Caldwell.' Keira said with a giggle.
          Caldwell!