Feathers Of A Bird

Chapter : Nine

(Listen to the music while reading for a better experience!)

I laid awake beside Grace, with my eyes closed and mind wide open. The more I tried to keep myself away from the random thoughts, the more it haunted me. I used to have a certain realm in my mind and every inch of it was filled with love. And that night, some distinct aspects crossed the barriers and entered my tiny world.
It was my addiction and a strategy to pass the lonely nights by imagining a world in which I had everything I always wanted. In that planet, I had a family, I had my friends, especially Ellie - someone I thought I created a perfect harmony which infinity itself couldn't shatter.

Eleanor, I used to call her Ellie, was my best friend since my first day of school. She has always been
an important part of my life. No days were spent without us, talking to each other and bursting into laughter for no reason. No birthdays went without us making presents by our hands. No 'I love my best friend' were lies. All of our friends and most of our relatives knew that we were the best buddies; the teachers couldn't deny as well. There were countless times that we talked during the class and got punished, together.

But all of a sudden, reality pinched us. We got separated from each other's class at the end of a year. Space and time started creating this massive distance between us. And at one time, it forced us to forget. These two, time and space, are extremely powerful. So we had to forget, all the great moments, all of the love, support and care.
Time made us forget each other. Space made us replace each other.

Technically, that's what was supposed to happen to both of us. However, for some unknown reason, it didn't happen to me. As days passed, the empty feeling inside of me went away by its own. And at one time, the pain was actually gone! But I couldn't replace her, the way she did. I used to watch her conversing cheerfully with her new best friends and pretend she didn't see me even though we made eye-contact. All I did was stare and stand alone.
I couldn't blame her though. I was the one who should have moved on somehow. What she did was totally right. All I did was- closing myself from the real world and make up imaginary characters and spend time with them. I could sense the love of the unreal images in my head.

I opened my eyes. My vision got stuck on the empty ceiling upon us which made me let a heavy sigh out. Only if I could just look up at the beautiful night sky, with no sorrow in my heart!

I laid back on my left side, to the window and discovered a beautiful light being spread from out of the window. Thinking that it was the light coming from another house near us, I twitched my body and tried to look out of the window. And what I saw was the moon. I glanced directly at the sky and yes, the beautiful light was coming from the moon.

"It's moonlight!"
I whispered, in a cheerful tone.

It's rare to be able to see the moonlight while sitting inside the house. Especially in this age of electricity and technology, the pure moonlight could only be seen far away from cities.

I spread my palm in the perfect rectangular space of moonlight on my bed.
As I closed my eyes once again, I saw some little angels playing around my palm, singing. And a devil suddenly appeared and strived to scare them away. But they didn't retreat. They kept singing and at one time, the devil was the one who got scared away. The angels still kept playing. Suddenly, they stopped. They stood still and at on time, they took their wings off, they shook away the graceful light from their body. Now they were humans, with angel spirit inside.

Opening my eyes, they disappeared. It was just my palm in the heart-melting moonlight. I smiled. Without even realising, I had made up so many fictions.

And at one night, like this, I recognized my inner self and my hidden desire, which was wanting to be a writer.

"Kathy...?"

All of a sudden, I heard Grace. When I looked at her, I couldn't be less surprised. Her eyes were deep red, her face was dark. I quickly got up on my elbows and asked,
"What happened to you, Grace?!"

Seeing my anxiety, she laughed weakly.
"Water..."

I got out of the bed as fast as possible and poured water into the glass from my water container. As I passed the glass to Grace, she slowly took it from my hand and started drinking it unhurriedly. I surprisingly noticed her tears falling constantly from her eyes as she drank the water. Then she suddenly smiled after drinking the whole water and passed me the glass.

"Why- why are you crying, Grace?"
I hesitated as I took the glass from her.

"Kathy..."
She murmured, with a miserable smile in the corner of her lips.
"The anxiety and care I saw in your eyes-"
She took a deep breath.
"It's not something I see every day, Kathy. Not for me."
Looking out of the window, she continued,
"I see others caring for each other, but nobody genuinely cares for me. Answer this, how can caretakers show me love when my own mother doesn't?! And my father-"
She laughed, which certainly sounded like a sigh.
"He left us alone and married another woman!"
She kept laughing.

Grace and I had this one similarity here. Both of our fathers left us. The difference is her father had completely forgotten them and moved on, and mine didn't certainly forget us. He came to visit me whenever he could.

I put my hand on Grace's shoulder and tried to smile. Regardless, I couldn't say anything to her- to comfort her because I never knew what to say!

"Do you want a hug, Grace?"
I finally said.

She glimpsed at me with her eyes filled with tears and nodded.

As I wrapped my arms around her, I realised that we never know what is happening inside someone, unless they desire to show us by themselves.

I heard Grace whispering,
"My mother has always been busy showing that she loves me. But she has never actually shown me the love."

I couldn't say anything to her, I just kept dabbing her back.

After a while, she let go of me and gripped my hand tightly.

She stayed quiet for a pretty long amount of time, holding my hand.

"It's been a while since somebody hugged me with love. Thank you, Kathy! I feel better now!"
She finally said and smiled at me.
Not only she said she was better, but also she looked better.

"Well...I'm glad that you're better. And I suppose I-"
I stopped and shrunk my eyes.
"Nevermind, but Grace! If you don't mind, I have a question..."
I couldn't help myself from asking.

"You won't trust me if I say, but your little hug wiped my pain away."
She shook her hands and pretended to wipe something off.
"So ask away!"

I stared at her.
I used to think that Grace was someone who ignored me because of her dignity or loathes towards me. But now that she broke in front of me, I could imagine how painful her life was to come in touch with someone.

I coughed, with the purpose to clear my throat.
"Well...umm..."
I stammered.

"No need to hesitate, Kathy!"
Chuckled Grace.

I took a deep breath. I didn't know why, but I felt nervous.
"So...I've been staying with you for like a couple of days now and I've noticed that-"
I paused for a moment.

"Hmm?"
Grace called.

"That you are happy at one moment and...sad on the other second. Like, you were even cheerful before going to bed, but now..."
Seeing her stare at me, I stopped.

"I get your question."
She said after a while. All of a sudden, she looked at me and gave a big smile.

"Actually-"
She let out a sigh.
"I have bipolar."