Pearl Of The East | ✓

Chapter 34

The moon were shining flamboyantly in the lustrous sky painted with twinkling beautiful stars. My eyes landed and locked on the moon. The moon is full of flaws, its surface is not as smooth as Styyx’s face, and it doesn’t have it’s own light. Yet it is still able to show its beauty amidst the flaws.

“Anong klaseng Presidente ka?!” Mariin kong ipinikit ang mga mata ko at dineretso ng inom ang isang baso ng alak nang muling bumalik sa isip ko ang mga katagang binitiwan nu’ng lalakeng rebelde.

Hindi ako perpekto. I’m just a human—a woman; I lower my gaze at my trembling hands. A woman with these kind of hands... I was wrong when I thought that this hands was made to help and hold lives of people. Because it wasn’t!

It was made for destruction. A hand that have killed hundreds of lives. A hand that is willing to hold a gun and fire a bullet in a person’s head. A hand that leads her family to death. A hand that couldn’t give the justice in Mr. Guanzon’s death . A hand that wasn’t able to save Detective Chlonan.

I’m a failure. A destroyer.

Marami na akong nilabanan na gyera. Marami ng buhay ang kinitil ko gamit ang sarili kong kamay. And I once said to myself that I’m always willing to kill and be a sinner if it’s the means to have peace. But what happened earlier is different. I let someone die for my own desire. And I let myself became the reason for dozens of life to be taken.

Yes I hate terrorists so much. I hate rebels so much. Because they are the one who killed my family. And killing them is like conquering the justice for my massacred family. Pero noong nakita ko ang takot at pagsusumamo sa mga mata ng lalakeng rebelde kanina, tila nag-iba ang pananaw ko. He pleaded for me to spare his life. He said that he has a family, a daughter waiting for him, and if they lose him, they’ll die in hunger.

I became so blinded by my own madness that it became too late for me to realize that I shouldn’t hate all those rebels. Na ang kailangan kong kamuhian ay iyong mga tao lamang na s’yang pumatay sa pamilya ko ng walang kaawa-awa.

Ngayon ko lamang napagtanto that some of those rebels are victim too. They are a victim of adversity. Biktima sa kahirapan, biktima sa sariling pakiramdam na pinabayaan sila ng gobyerno. And therefore, they decided to join an organization that wants to build it’s own government. They are a victim. A victim of those fvcking manipulators, who targets their weaknesses.

Nahigpitan ko ang pagkakahawak ko sa baso nang muli kong maalala ang mukha ng mga teroristang nakasagupa ko noon sa gyera sa Quezon.

Karamihan sa kanila ay mga bata. Mga kabataan na binulag ng kahirapan ng buhay. Mga kabataan na ginusto lang namang maka-ahon at maging ginhawa sa buhay. Mga kabataang naging mahina. Naging biktima ng sarili nilang emosyon.

I heave a sigh of frustration before heading my way back to my room. I grab my phone and denim jacket.

“How are you baby?” Salubong sa ‘kin ni Styyx pagkatapos ko s’yang tawagan.

“I’m good,” I lied.

“I know you Eury,” he answered in a serious tone. Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako dahil sa sinabi n’ya. He knew me too well that I can’t even lie to him and hide my true emotions from him.

“Saan n’yo dinala ang nadakip na rebelde kanina?” Pagdidiretso ko sa usapan. Narinig ko s’yang bumuntong-hininga sa kabilang linya bago magsalita.

“Baby it’s late, you should sleep na,” he answered, detecting what my mind really planned.

“I want to talk to him,” I answered nonchalantly.

“Baby it’s late in the evening.”

“Gusto ko s’yang makausap Styyx,” I answered firmly. Hindi ako nagpatinag sa mga sinasabi n’ya at nanatiling buo ang desisyon ko. Inabot ng ilang sandali bago n’ya sa wakas sabihin sa ‘kin kung saan nila dinala ang nadakip na rebelde.

“Fine, it’s on our headquarter. I’ll accompany you, wait for me there I’ll fetch you,” wika n’ya.

“Alright,” sumang-ayon na lang ako bago pinatay ang tawag. Tinungga ko ang huling laman ng alak habang nakatingin sa labas ng bintana ko. I wiped my mouth through the back of my hands.

I don’t know if what I’m doing right now. Hindi ako iyong tipong ng babaeng mahilig uminom ng alak.But right now? I’m so frustrated. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Napapagod na ako.

A fighter? Pagak akong natawa sa sarili kong inisip. Am I really a fighter? Kung ganitong laban pa nga lang ay napapagod na ako?

Bago pa man ako tumakbo sa pagka-Presidente ay handa na ako sa mga posibilidad. Sa mga paghihirap na kakaharapin ko. Pero hindi ako kailanman naging handa para sa sitwasyong ito, na kung saan kasali na ang personal kong buhay.

I heave a sigh before letting my hands grab my family’s picture. I stare at it while hundreds of thoughts are running on my mind.

“’Nay, ‘tay napapagod na po ako. Napapagod na po akong patuloy na lumaban sa isang laban na walang katiyakan. Napapagod na po akong maghanap ng hustisya. Bakit hindi na lang ganoon kadali iyon makamtan ‘nay, ‘tay? Hindi ba tayo karapat-dapat para sa hustisya?” Kusang kumawala ang mga tanong na kay tagal ko ng gustong ilabas.

I’m a strong woman? Kalokohan. I’m not that strong woman. I’m just a woman who’s weak but trying to be strong. A woman who suffered so much in life. A woman who was played with fate. A woman who’s still trying to fight.

Napatayo na ako nang marinig ang pagtunog ng doorbell sa labas at ilang sandali lang ay nakasalubong ko na si Emmanuel sa baba ng hagdan.

“Nandito po si General Andervano,” wika n’ya. Tumango na lang ako bilang sagot. I prefer living in this house alone. But after the incident happened earlier, Styyx forced me to let the PSG(Presidential Security Group) stay in my house. Kaya’t wala na akong nagawa.

“Baby, are you okay?” He greeted me. I simply nodded, after he rewarded me a kiss on my forehead.

“Uhuh,” maikling sagot ko.

“Okay, let’s go,” wika n’ya kahit halata namang hindi s’ya kumbinsido. Iginiya n’ya ako papasok sa sasakyan n’ya habang si Emmanuel at Erick naman ay sumunod at sumakay sa isang sasakyan while the rest of their group was left in the house. I stare at him for a while before realizing something.

“Hindi na sumasakit ang sugat mo?” He smiled and nodded in my question.

“I’m sorry about what happened. Pasensya na nadamay ka pa sa ka---“ he cutted my words off by putting his forefinger on my lips.

“Hush baby. Wala kang kasalanan, please stop blaming yourself,” marahan niyang wika. Tumango na lang ako sa sinabi n’ya, kahit pa hindi ako kumbinsido.

“I can see it in your eyes baby. You smell alcohol, and your eyes are lifeless. What’s happening to you?” He cupped my face and locked his eyes on mine. His emerald eyes were now glistening in so much worry and concern. Segundo ang lumipas bago ako nakasagot sa tanong n’ya. Dahil kahit ako ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang isasagot sa tanong na iyon.

“I don’t know...” Inihilig ko ang ulo ko sa headrest ng upuan ng kotse.

“I just have this feeling of guilt in my system, and I cant get rid of it. My frustrations are overpowering me. I’m feeling so worthless and weak. I don’t know what to do Styyx...” Nanlulumo kong wika.

“Hey, hey, baby you’re strong, please don’t let that frustration of yours overpower you, and please huwag mo nang sisihin ang sarili mo okay?” Marahan akong tumango sa sinabi n’ya. Yes I’m strong that’s how he sees me. But I’m not that really strong. I’m weak!

“I understand you baby. Alam kong marami kang problema na iniisip. This country caused you so much headaches, and I understand if you’re feeling frustrated. Naiintindihan kita, Eury. Trust me,” muli n’yang dagdag saka kinuha ang dalawang kamay ko at hinawakan ito. He hold it gently while rubbing the back of my hand through his thumb.

“I swear I do understand you. But you’re a President baby. You’re leading a country. You must be strong do you understand? Or if you’re really feeling weak then count on me, I will help you baby. If you’re feeling weary then I will give you my strength,” sensiro n’yang wika na tila humaplos sa puso ko.

“Remember this baby. You’re Eurydice, the daughter of your father. And you are not Eurydice without your courage. I knew you as a woman who doesn’t give up. A woman cloaked with her unbelievable principles. You’re a brave and strong woman. You have conquered so many battles, and you don’t know the word retreat. You never give up Eury. So give me back that woman, that is not you baby. Mark this on your mind and heart that there is no strength without weakness. Thus, you are not Eurydice without your strength from your  weaknesses and courage from your fears.”

“Don’t ever call yourself worthless. You are priceless baby. And you’re a great President. I believe in you baby...” He kissed the back of my hands. I stare at his emerald eyes.

He’s right... Sa ikalawang pagkakataon bakit ko nga ba hinahayaan ang emosyon kong pangunahan ako? I have my principle that I will never let my emotions overpower me. Ano ang nangyayari sa ‘kin? Yes I may be weak. But I will use that weakness of mine as my strength.

Throughout my life, it’s my fears that made me courageous and strong. It’s my weaknesses that fueled my spirit to fight and survive. Without my fears and weaknesses I am nothing.

My man is right. I’m Eurydice, the daughter of my father, the second female President of the Philippines. I won’t reach this kind of position if I haven’t been strong. At ano pa nga ba ang pangangambahan ko gayong na sa tabi ko naman palagi ang Heneral na ito? The man who made me realize that there is no strength without weakness.

“Thank you baby. Yes I’m strong, and I won’t let this frustrations and guilt of mine overpower me,” I firmly said with my eyes screaming in determination.

“Oh there you go baby!” He beamed a smile. I stare at his eyes until my eyes go down in his lips. He always initiate our kisses, it’s not bad if I’ll initiate it now right? This man deserves a reward.

I gradually let my face be closer to his, while my eyes are locked in his emerald eyes. He is not moving, he’s just staying while waiting to know if what’s my move. I smiled teasingly before catching his lips, and kiss it passionately.

“Woah, that’s amazing!” Nakangiti n’yang usal nang ihiwalay ko ang mga labi ko sa kan’ya. Halata sa kan’yang reaksyon ang gulat at pagkamangha.

“Mas maganda pala kapag nagi-guilty at nanghihina ka,” he said with a menacing smile, causing me to stare at him with disbelief.

“You jerk! Let’s go.”

Nang marating namin ang headquarter nila ay humugot ako ng isang malalim na hininga bago pumasok sa selda ng lalake. Nadatnan ko s’yang naka-upo lamang at tulala. Sinulyapan ko ang relo ko. It’s 10 in the evening why isn’t he sleeping?

“Ma’am? Ma’am?” Mabilis n’yang wika nang makita ako. Ang kan’yang mga mata ay puno ng takot.

“Gusto kitang makausap,” maikling tugon ko. Inilabas s’ya ng dalawang sundalong nagbabantay sa kan’ya saka s’ya pinaupo kasama ko. He’s sitting upfront me with his eyes screaming in fear. Fear that made me question. Ano ang kinatatakutan n’ya sa ‘kin?

“Ano’ng pangalan mo?” Ilang sandali ang lumipas bago s’ya nakasagot.

“Leopoldo Bato-bato po,” magalang n’yang tugon.

“Ano ang nagtulak sa ‘yo na sumali sa samahan ng mga rebelde?” Malumanay kong tanong, pilit ipinapahiwatig sa kan’ya na hindi s’ya dapat matakot.

“May sakit ang asawa ko noon at wala na kaming makain. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko nu’ng mga panahong iyon. Hanggang sa sinabi sa ‘kin ng kaibigan ko na sumali ako sa samahan nila, dahil susustentuhan nila ang pamilya ko. Ang akala ko noon ay simpleng samahan lang iyon, ngunit nagulat na lang ako nang ipahawak na nila ako ng baril. Sinanay nila ako kasama ang iba pang kabataan. Yung maginhawang buhay na inakala ko ay impyerno pala,” taimtim akong nakinig sa kwento niya. He’s a victim too.

“Gabi at araw ay naglakbay kami sa mga kabundukan. Uhaw at gutom ang tiniis ko. Sa mga panahong iyon ay gusto ko nang umalis at tumakas, ngunit pinagbantaan nila akong papatayin nila ang pamilya ko, kaya wala akong nagawa at sumama na lang ako. Hindi ko po talaga ginusto maging rebelde ma’am, wala lang po akong mapagpilian,” pagsusumamo n’ya. Tumango ako sa kan’ya bilang sagot. At sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon ay gumuhit ang awa sa puso ko para sa isang rebelde, o biktima ng kahirapan.

“Leo makinig ka sa ‘kin,” agad s’yang tumango sa sinabi ko. He locked his weary eyes on mine, waiting for my next word.

“Magsasanay ka sa military at magiging sundalo ka. Gobyerno na ang bahala sa mag-ina mo, susustentuhan namin sila at maging ang anak mo ay bibigyan namin ng libreng scholarship para makapag-aral. You’ll be counted as a surrenderer,” tumango s’ya sa sinabi ko, habang ang kan’yang mga mata ay ngumingiti.

“Sa susunod na Linggo magsisimula ang training mo.” I gently smile at him while I’m hearing endless thank yous from him.

“Maraming salamat po ma’am. Maraming salamat po talaga, hindi ko alam kung paano kayo susuklian,” tumakas ang kan’yang mga luha at walang pasubali itong tumulo habang sinasambit ang mga salitang Salamat.

“Hindi mo na ako kailangang suklian pa. Ang gusto ko lang ay magbagong-buhay ka, at bigyan ng magandang buhay ang pamilya mo,” muli s’yang ngumiti at sa pagkakataong ito ay tumayo s’ya hindi alam kong yayakapin ba ako dahil sa saya o mananatili sa pwesto n’ya.  Sa huli ay tumayo ako at marahan kong tinapik ang balikat n’ya.

“I’ll go,” paalam ko rito saka tuluyang lumabas sa silid. Pagkalabas ko ay sinalubong ako ni Styyx maging nang ilang sundalo.

“Consider him as a surrenderer,” I firmly said. Styyx nodded at me.

“You’re really beautiful baby, “ biglang wika ni Styyx habang binabaybay namin ang daan palabas sa headquarter nila. I glanced at him giving an inquiring look.

“You already told me that Styyx, countless times,” I jested.

“Yeah but you proved it more this time,” wika n’ya habang ang kan’yang berdeng mga mata ay nanatiling nakatitig sa ‘kin.

“Oh?”

“I know how much you hate terrorists, yet you made an exemption. Instead of torturing him to death, you want to give him a good life. Ang akala ko ay bubugbugin mo s’ya ngunit hindi. You even order us to consider him as a surrenderer,” namamanghang usal n’ya.

“I was blinded by my own madness Styyx, that I forgot that everything has an exemption. I mean I realized it too late, that some of those terrorists are victims too,” tumango s’ya sa sinabi ko. Nang makarating kami sa loob ng sasakyan ay mabilis n’ya akong ninakawan ng halik sa labi.

“I’m indeed lucky to have you baby,” he uttered after departing his lips from mine. Kinuha n’ya ang kamay kong may singsing, at tinitigan n’ya ito habang dinadama ang singsing sa kamay ko.

“Who would thought that the bravest second female President will be my fiancé? Who would thought that the ordinary man like me will have such an angel? A woman who’s the definition of beauty?”

“Baby you’re not a Maria Clara but a Gabriella Silang in this modernized world, and I’m so glad of being your Diego Silang,” he uttered with his emerald eyes locked on mine. I smiled at him before letting my lips free the words that I’ve longed to tell him.

“And who would thought General that a man with the emerald eyes will bring the color of my life again? Baby you taught me how to love, oh not just how to love but you taught me many things in this life baby. So please huwag kang magsalita na parang ako lang ang bida. Baby you’re a great man,” I said full of sincerity. I saw how his eyes beam a smile together with his lips.

“Oh?” He menacingly answered imitating the way of how I said it earlier.

“Let’s go,” I squinted heavenward.

“What a cute baby,” he uttered while chuckling.

“Just drive Styyx, I’m sleepy,” I answered nonchalantly.

“Copy ma’am,” he answered with a grin on his face.

“I love you baby, sleep tight,” he uttered and planted a kiss on my forehead when we reached my house. I smiled at him, while staring deeply at his emerald eyes, trying to take a look on it’s unfathomable depth.

“Igualmente Heneral.” He smiled vigorously and gave me a smack on my lips.

It’s midnight and I’m still awake, standing outside on my room while admiring how beautiful the sky is. Kagaya kanina ay wala itong pinagbago. Ang buwan ay nanatiling maliwanag habang ang mga bituin ay nanatiling kumikinang. I wonder if what’s behind their pulchritude, is it obscured deformity?

My eyes went down on the ring in my finger. Styyx is right. I’m a President, I should be strong for my country and for my people. I must always stand bold and fearless. Afterall, I am my father’s daughter. I should  vow to myself that my family’s death, Mr. Guanzon’s, and Detective Chlonan’s death won’t be in vain.

I will conquer justice and I will survive in this life...

|End of chapter 34|
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