A Dream I Used To LOVE

Chapter 22

"Chris, how are you feeling?" I saw Audrey sitting beside me. I didn't know what had happened and why she was here.
"Chris" Kathy stood beside my bed, "What happened to me?" I asked wondering what was happening and where Mrs. Scott had gone.

"You fainted Chris. The doctor said your blood pressure was very low. What happened?"

"I don't know. I had a blackout" then I suddenly remembered about the letter. It wasn't around. I immediately got up and started looking for it.

"Chris what are you doing? You should rest" Audrey held my hand and asked me to come and lie down.

"I'm fine Addie. This is important", "No Chris, you aren't come and lie down right now" and she tightened her grip.

"Chris please lie down" even Kathy supported Audrey and so I lied down.

I didn't know if Kathy knew about Dada cheating on Mrs. Scott and I didn't know how to break it to her.

"Kathy will you give me a minute with Chris" Audrey requested and Kathy immediately left the room.

"Chris is this what you were searching for?"
Audrey held a letter in her hand. It was my father's letter "I found it on the floor when I came to see you. I didn't read anything, seemed private" and she handed it over to me.

I held the letter close to myself not having the courage to open it again.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"NO" I didn't have the guts to tell anybody. I had broken a beautiful family, Tyler didn't get to live with his mother because of me and Keith, he never had the opportunity to get to know his mother. I took Mrs. Scott away from Kathy when she needed her the most. All this just because of me.

"Audrey do you mind leaving me alone for a while" I couldn't face her. I respected my father for the man he was, I wanted to be just like him and he, he was just an awful man who didn't think twice before betraying everybody.

I couldn't comprehend what had happened to me.

"Yes," and she too left.

I knew the only sensible thing left to do now was to make amends with Mrs. Scott but I didn't know how to face her. I spoke to her rudely, I scorned her and whatnot and now I didn't know how I would be able to convince her to give me another chance.

That whole week was very stressful for me. I hardly spoke to Kathy, Keith, and Tyler. Every time I saw them all I could think about was how I was the reason they were deprived of a mother and even a father, all because of me.

Mrs. Scott had left the same day after giving me the letter and when I informed her that I was interested in talking to her she informed me that she would be back for Christmas.

I was certain that I would be able to confront her after all if making amends with her meant that my siblings would be happy then I would do it without thinking twice.

This was my chance to do something for the people I loved and I could go to any extent for them.

I hadn't told anybody about my "secret", not even Audrey, and that kept troubling me even more.

Before Christmas break started she asked me to come and stay over and I agreed hesitantly. I had been ignoring her for a week now knowing that I wouldn't be able to hide the secret from her.

She knew something was wrong but she never pestered me to tell her what it was and I was thankful for that. I hadn't reached the stage of accepting the truth myself let alone telling others.

I drove to her house and she welcomed me with a warm hug. I hadn't been feeling very well recently, very lethargic but seeing her I instantly felt better. I had missed her so much, not talking to her was hard, I felt wrong hiding anything from her.

I kissed her on the forehead and hugged her tightly almost lifting her off the ground.

I sat on the bed while she got me some coffee.

"What happened?" was the first question that she asked me and I started sweating. I didn't expect it to come up this early in the conversation.

"Chris" she stretched her hand out and cupped my face "You are warm. Do you have a fever?"

She ran to the other room and got a thermometer.

"39° C, Chris you have a fever. Why didn't you tell me? Lie down" she helped me get up and lie down.

"Why did you drive here when you had a fever? I would have come to meet you" before I could say something she ran down and got me an ice pack and a towel. She gently placed the ice pack on my head and started wiping my face.

I held her hand "Audrey I have to tell you something. It's been troubling me for a while now and I have to tell you"

She looked at me and said without causing me to panic "I know something has been troubling you but if you but you aren't well you should rest"

"No Addie let me talk" I got up a little and she sat still beside me waiting for me to talk. I took a deep breath and she placed my cold hand in between her soft and warm ones.

"I'm not going anywhere. Take your time" she rubbed my back gently.

"You remember the letter" she nodded. I felt it would be easy to talk about this but it wasn't, I had just discovered my new identity, I didn't even remember my mother.
" My father wrote that letter to me for my eighteenth birthday" I removed the letter from my pocket and handed it over to her "Read this"

She took the letter from my hand and read it. She remained silent for some time then as soon as she finished reading the letter she hugged me tightly "I'm sorry Chris"

I hugged her back "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Her hands were on my face and she kissed my forehead gently " It must have been very hard for you. What did Kathy say?" And I nodded in denial "She doesn't know"

"Are you going to tell her?" Audrey asked me a question I hadn't thought about enough. I didn't know if I should tell her but I also knew that I should be the one breaking the news to her.

"I don't know" and I really didn't. I was very restless.

"Chris you will have to tell her someday and it's better if she gets to know from you"

"I know Audrey but I just can't face any of them"

"It wasn't your fault in the first place. They love you and this wouldn't change anything. Believe me" and she held my hand.

I held onto her. She was the only comfort in my life at that point. I just hoped that telling my siblings wouldn't change anything between us.