A Dream I Used To LOVE

Chapter 36

We walked back to my house. The rains had drastically stopped but I still wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do. It was hard truly for the both of us. I wanted Chris to stand up for me but I also didn't expect him to get involved in matters he otherwise wouldn't feel comfortable getting involved in moreover there was no guarantee that Mrs. Scott would pull off one of her cheap tricks again. 

I was in love but as I stated before I was also practical and I would never let love blind me. At least I thought. 

We sat on the couch while 'Austin' the cutest little thing was still asleep. 

"Chris but in all honestly this doesn't elude the fact that your step-mother loathes me"

"I know"

"And you are getting involved in something that wouldn't be in your control after a while. This time the situation was diffused by next time it might blow up"

"And we will get through it together. I promise" he had hope in his eyes and it was good to see him that way "I love you"

But I of all people knew love can't get you through a lot of tough times. I had seen it all. Love seemed very comforting but at the crux of it, it was damned, and whoever fell down that hole hardly ever made it back and I was falling and I was sure that when I hit the surface it wouldn't be nice.

He came closer and hugged me tightly "I need you in my life, you are mine Audrey Martin"

Those were two things I never wanted to hear from anybody. I need you and you are mine. Nobody needs anybody, it's a choice we make. We choose to be with somebody, we choose to behave a certain way. If I wasn't around his life would still go on and the second you are mine. I don't know something about that statement didn't seem right. I remember arguing with granny about this and she said "When someone loves you then you become as much part of them as they themselves are" but somehow I was never really satisfied with that statement. Anybody could truly be someone's love but being theirs solely seemed hard, maybe even impossible.

I smiled back at him resting my head on his chest and exasperating. I didn't tell him what was going on in my mind but this moment felt very intimate. Our lives were intertwined more so than ever and if I decided to go ahead with this then maybe I was tangling my family's lives too.

It was late and I was tired. I didn't want to overthink this today. Although it was only drizzling now I still didn't want him to drive back home knowing how rash he drove. 

Austin was up and because I normally didn't eat dog food nor any of my guests I served him some frozen fruits. Apparently, they were good for teething puppies- I read it on a website. I watched him eat for a while, he had just woken up and was still warming up to me I guess. He was shy and tired. He jumped around a little then went back to bed.

I walked over to my room, while Chris followed me inside. I gave him some loose clothes to change into and then I lay on my bed looking at the photos on the adjacent wall. 

Chris came and lay down next to me "Maybe you can think about it tomorrow" he said looking into my eyes. I felt naked of thought. I didn't want him to read what was on my mind. What if I was thinking of him naked and he understood that. Oh my, that would be fun.

"Come here," he said and pulled me closer to him. I rolled myself near his chest and within seconds I fell asleep. 

I remember Meryl telling me about this "When you love someone you fall asleep almost immediately with them around you. Whenever I feel anxious I just sleep on Paul's arm and all my worries go away." She would do that with us as kids as well. She would sleep on Mia's or my arm when she was anxious and papa was away.