A Dream I Used To LOVE

Chapter 2

I was very practical in life, I had a very different notion about life. Although I was surrounded by people who loved me I somehow always felt as if I was missing something, and I don't mean to be ungrateful when I say that. It's just sometimes when you are surrounded by love you wonder if this is it or if there is more. I never really spent much time trying to understand love like many people I was just part of it. I loved how imperfect my parents were for each other yet how beautifully they complemented each other but then again I wondered if I could have what they had. It's just living with uncertainty is hard especially when you plan everything out in life. I always felt that love eventually fades with time and you just live with each other because falling in love again with somebody is hard. After a point, it is less about love and more about comfort and stability which isn't wrong but it just isn't right for me.

As adorable as my parents were their fights often made me worry. They seldom fought but when they did it went on for a long time. I was worried because this time it wasn't any different, their fight had been going on for some time now. I never spoke to anybody about my personal life, especially my parents. It is easier to maintain a flory image. I had encouraged my father and assured him that all will be fine but I was uncertain myself. My father had been working on his dream project for a while now which involved heavy capital investment and high risk. Meryl was completely against the idea, I understood my mother's worry but I also wanted to encourage my father.

Mama lost grandpa when she was only 4 after which Nana had to work very hard to take care of her. Gender pay gap existed even in those days and my Nana had to work extra hard for them to sustain. Mama often complained about how Nana never spent enough time with her. This was one of those times when nobody could be blamed, Nana had to earn to provide for Mama and Mama like any child wanted some attention and quality time with her mother. 

Nana often told me that because Meryl was very young she never expected her to understand the pain of losing her father. Nana and grandpa had eloped because their love was too rebellious for their time and because of that, she didn't have many people supporting her when she lost him. 

She never shared her feelings with Mama which I thought was unfair to her and Mama. As expected Nana and Mama weren't close at all. Seldom when they might all Mama would do was fight because she was hurt and Nana would never say anything except "She has the right to fight with me, after all, she didn't get a normal childhood".

Nana had this theory that women in our family grew up faster than they should and so she tried her best to prevent that for me but I had the same genes.

Everything in life is a risk I had often heard my father say that and it was apt. It was for this reason that it was my duty to support him as well. Usually, Mia would be around which made it a lot easier to handle fights and arguments but ever since Mia left for college this hectic job of mediation fell upon me.

I walked into class still thinking about all this. There were many new faces. Ben wasn't in my class and honestly even though I felt a little intimidated I was worried about him. I managed to ignore the crowd and I quietly went to my desk and sat down. Sitting next to me was a girl I'd known since middle school but we never spoke. Her name was Rose M. Ferns. Rose was going through the same issue as me, even her best friend had changed schools and she was all alone. 

We glared at each other. Rose knew that I was the type of girl who could never be her best friend. I was way too proactive according to her and liked by almost everybody. Rose on the other hand was fierce and antisocial. She would usually dress in all black. Whenever anybody asked her why she would say "I'm protesting against idiots like you who can't mind their own business"
She wasn't fond of human interaction, but surprisingly she was one of the most understanding and supportive people anybody could ask for. People conceived me to be a confident person who could work her way through any crowd but Rose intimidated even me. She was way too cool for me and I could never match up to her.