A Dream I Used To LOVE

Chapter 27

"Merry Christmas Mia" I went and hugged her, "Merry Christmas Ryan". It had been almost two years since I celebrated Christmas with Mia and it felt nice and cozy with her around. 

Mia and I had decided to spend some time together before she left, we went to church in the morning like good Christians. Even though Nana wasn't around I could feel her spirit wandering over me telling me to go to church. After that, we both decided to spend the day in the park under the oak tree. Ryan was sweet enough to spend the day alone, I was really happy for Mia. I hadn't seen her this happy in a long time. 

If I'm brutally honest Mia had horrible taste in men, I hadn't liked any of her boyfriends except Ryan of course. Her first boyfriend was a complete ass, he hardly had any intellect. All he could talk about were his long list of ex-girlfriends. I wondered why she was with him and whenever I asked her she would say "He's special". Duh of course he is and that's why we don't need him around, leave him in a museum for godsakes Mia. He is an antique one I don't want around our house.

She was a sophomore back then so I didn't judge her that much for dating that guy but her second boyfriend. Oh my my. Don't get me started, he was a mama's boy. Literally. He would call his mother up to ask her about everything, legit everything. He never even kissed her, according to him it was a sin. I wonder if he knew how he came into this planet and if that was also a sin. Mia found him endearing. Like seriously why? He dressed like his mother asked him to, he ate what he was instructed to eat, while they were dating it felt like his mother was always around.
After dating her for a year he broke up with her, Reason: "My mother doesn't think we should be together"
Well, my mother thinks you shouldn't be on this planet if only her wishes come true.

So after dating those losers Ryan didn't seem bad at all. He was smart, chivalrous, and charismatic. Perfect for Mia, she had met her match. I knew he was the one for her when he didn't shut up during an argument. It was a week ago, according to Mia Darwin's theory of natural selection didn't make any sense, which is her opinion but that doesn't make it right. She felt the theory was wrong on humanitarian levels, just because someone is physically weak or doesn't possess certain skills doesn't mean they are unfit otherwise. I couldn't disagree more, with time species evolve to sustain different conditions and without that, you won't be able to survive. While this argument was going on Ryan joined in and gave his very valuable inputs and resolved the dispute. In my 16 years of existence, nobody had ever been able to resolve a "debate" between Mia and me and come up with a comprehensive solution. He was the first and she had my blessings to marry him.
Moreover, he was a very understanding and supportive human who wasn't intimidated by her achievements and skills plus he was a great chef. Mia always wanted to find somebody like Ryan, she had her wedding planned out at the age of 12. Now that I think about that it's a bit creepy but that's his life. The only valid reason to marry Ryan was that he was a great chef and if she married him I would get to eat delicious food. She had to do it for me. Come on I deserve good food.

We cycled to the park just like we used to, I won the race which led to Mia getting irritated. She was very competitive as stated previously and losing in a cycle race was a major loss. We sat under the tree after quarreling a bit. It was calm and pleasant. Frankly, I even missed fighting with her. As kids, our fights were very civil, just a few WWE matches. Mia wasn't that good at fighting with others, she could only fight me. I remember whenever she came to meet me at Nana's she wouldn't gel well with the kids in the neighborhood. Once she got into a fight with a few 14-year-olds, she was 12 at that time and too scared to fight them. She came home running to me and her exact words were "I got into a fight with a few kids". What she didn't realize is 1) if you tell a 6-year old that you got into a fight with a few kids I would naturally assume that the kids are younger than me 2) she didn't give a definite value of few. So with incomplete facts, I went to save guard, my sister. Firstly they were 14-year-olds secondly they were 5 in number. So I don't know how I managed to do it but I scared them away and since that day I was her personal bodyguard. 

We were discussing all these special moments, not traumatizing for her but supremely scary for me. Life without Mia was so black and white, monotonous. She was my twin flame. After discussing our childhood extensively I wanted to ask her if she liked Chris, I was very nervous. Mia had seen me grow up, she knew what I liked and disliked and if somebody was good for me or not. Of course, I had a mind of my own but sometimes getting approval from people you love helps just a little but Mia had already read my mind.

"I really like Chris" she smiled at me
"And me Ryan" I replied

Her approval meant a lot to me, growing up with a sister it's important to understand her choices and decisions and support them. I mean I would have supported her if she would have decided to be with those losers but her whole-hearted support was crucial to me merely because she was so very important to me. I didn't say that very often but I think we both knew.

"Addie do you love him?"
Her questions caught me off guard. First of all, even though the idea of falling in love was cute I was petrified of it. The word had fallen in it and I didn't want to fall. Falling can differ from person to person and I knew I was the type of person who if fell once wouldn't be able to get up and fall again. And I know that's not the right way to be but that's how I was and I knew that about myself. Falling in love was like falling into a black hole. It ripped you in pieces (not in a negative way) and it required you to invest every bit of your soul in it and even if you fell out of love a part of you would always be in that black hole. With love, you never know, it's like when you are in space and the black hole is a little far away and even though you know there is no way out you move in that direction. You feel you can handle it till you are at the threshold but once you are there the gravity is so strong that you can't decide how much of your soul is invested. 

I just wasn't ready for a black hole this early and even if I had fallen in one I wasn't ready to accept it. Moreover, I didn't know if Chris felt the same way about me and it would definitely hurt if he wasn't waiting at the other side of the black hole. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.

"I don't know. I'm not ready for love yet." I paused "It's like the starry night, the brush strokes swirl from the sky, each dab of color rolling with the clouds so graceful as if it were one. The whole effect is ethereal and dreamlike. It is dreamlike easy to dream difficult to achieve. Just imagine if one stroke wasn't the way it was supposed to be maybe the painting wouldn't be that famous, it would be merely just another piece made by an artist. But I didn't want my love to be like that, I know it's pressurizing but I really wanted it to be different at least in my eyes. So that even after many years I could say that our love was a masterpiece. Van Gogh was himself so impressed by his work he said 'a great starlit vault of heaven... One can only call God' "

And that's when for the very first time I heard Mia say something so incredible that it got me thinking.

"Addie it doesn't have to be a masterpiece to be called art. It's art regardless. At the end of the day, you should like your art. Did you hear Van Gogh talk about what a critique said about his masterpiece? No. He called it a starlit vault of heave because that's what he thought it was and regardless of how small or big a love story is it still love"

It was still love, I agree but then again I couldn't deny the fact that loving someone was scary. It shouldn't be but for me it was.