Is It Love?

Chapter Seven

Violet's POV

"Yeah I'm cool, well get inside it's late." 

She smiles and closes the door. As soon as I hear the slam of it closing I let out an anxious breath. I watch her walk around the car and towards her porch, when I expect her to walk to her door she suddenly turns around and waves to me. I smile. When she safely enters her house I start my car and drive away.

But not driving far, I drive a few streets down and park by a corner. I bring my hands up and rub my eyes. Taking deep breaths, but the longer I do this the heavier my breaths got. All I can imagine is what just happened. I can't believe that happened. A rush of regret, anger, and disappointment flooded me. I bring my hands down and ball them into fists. After seconds though I'm hitting my steering wheel. 

I can't believe I was so stupid. I was taught differently. I don't even like her like that. She's fun to hang around and her boyfriend is cool- I guess? The only thing I really like about him is the fact she's involved. And I can ask about him and her relationship while trying to become friends with her. You can't just ask someone like her about her life straight up.

I don't know.

I enjoy her presence. But not like I enjoy a guy. So it must be a friendship. Maybe she's supposed to be my best friend.

Yeah. She's supposed to be my best friend. That's why I like being around her. It's the only logical reason.

Right?

I can't do this.

I start my car back up and drive away. Heading home. My mind is flooded. I feel completely sober. But how fast my heart is beating is making me concerned.

When I asked her to hang out at the mall I was so happy she said yes. I wanted to be her friend. After lunch, I didn't really know what to do but I didn't want the event to end so I made up that guy-lingerie thing. Well kinda. I needed some new ones so I mean it's not a lie. I just didn't meet a guy.

Oh god, what if my dad finds out I did this.

She said she's not gonna say anything. So do I hope it stays that way? What if she tells Aaron? He will laugh, and tell his friends. Then it's everywhere. One stupid confusion of platonic liking ruining my life.

I'm so stupid.

I'm now in my neighborhood. My house just right around the corner. My fingers are tapping the wheel. I need to act normal.

Act normal. If I act like nothing ever happened. Maybe she will forget? Yes, I can do that. I need to breathe and depend on her not doing anything.

Just don't let my parents find out.

God, she's probably laughing at me to her friends.

Why did I do that?

Am I going mental or something? Having a deadly disease that makes me stupidly kiss people im forbidden to.  

Once I'm in the driveway I turn the car off and get out. When I feel the air I walk to the back seat to grab a jacket. It's gotten colder in a span of minutes. All the lights are off, as expected. When I get through the front door and put my keys on the hanging space by the kitchen. I turn the kitchen light on, going to the cabinets and grabbing a glass. Hoping to be as quiet as possible because my parents would kill me if they saw my outfit.

My mom would see it as whore behavior because it's against her religion. She makes that religion seem so toxic. I don't know. I don't know anything lately. I'm always so confused.