Is It Love?

Chapter Twenty Seven

Lily's POV

My head is pounding.

I always forget about hangovers when I decide to party, I just think 'oh I won't get one' and it backfires in the morning. I can't find the strength to open my eyes yet, I can assume it will only get worse when I do.

Other than the splitting headache I feel warm and safe, maybe it's smarter to just stay here.

There's a light snoring by my ear. Light sighs mixed in with every few intakes of breath. I open my eyes to peek at my surroundings, finding the hotel room to be dark, the light barely there. The curtains have been shut, every light in the room shut off to where it's only dimly lit from the light peaking through the fabric hanging over the window. A weight is over my torso, I look and see Rea's arm. I'm being cuddled into her, her chest directly touching my back.

Awe.

I lay back down and close my eyes, shuffling back to get closer.

"I know you're awake," she mutters, her voice groggy. "I don't want to move," I state, my eyes closed tightly.

"Then don't," she says, her arm tightening around me.

You see, I don't want to move, but I have to.

I huff, taking in the feeling of her hug before shuffling to face her, our faces inches apart. Her arm fell from my torso when I twisted, I missed it a little. I don't know why, I haven't cuddled a lot. I stare at her sleepy face, her eyes opening to meet mine slowly.

"Why the change of heart?" she says sluggishly. I look into her eyes, the feeling of guilt turning in my gut.

"I'm sorry."

Her eyebrows furrow, she shuffles to rub her eyes, propping herself on her elbow to look down at me. "Why?"

"You know why."

"I wouldn't be asking if I knew Lily."

I shift my vision to the ceiling, the eye contact suddenly setting my body on fire. "Last night."

She sighs, moving around, I take a quick look at her, she has mimicked me and is looking at the ceiling. 

"It's your choice, I shouldn't get mad. It's not my place. Don't be sorry."

I don't want her giving in, I want her to be mad. For some reason, I'm desiring for her to be mad at me, for her to care. To be mad i abuse these substances in such a way, for someone to notice. If her yelling at me is the way then so be it. I don't want to stop, I like the feeling it gives me. But I wish someone would notice, notice it hurting me. Because I know I don't care.

"But you're right. I should've thought about you, I shouldn't have acted like I was at a random party alone."

"You shouldn't have and I shouldn't have punched the birthday girl's brother. It's over, it's done, it's fine, the fact you're even apologizing tells me you mean it," she says, letting out a deep annoyed breath.

Am I annoying her?

I just feel bad, I don't want to annoy her. What if she decides to cut the trip short? What if she realized how I am and now she doesn't want anything to do with me?

"I'm just tired, Lily." I hear her say, I look in her direction and she's already looking at me. "Huh?"

"You get quiet, and usually when you get quiet and have that furrow in your brow you overthink. I know these things. Everythings fine, I was just worried. Come here."

She opens her arms and I hesitate for a minute, but soon I'm curled in her arms, feeling that relieving warmth takes over my body again. I think I love cuddles. That must be what it is because I feel so nice at the moment.

"Why do you drink?" she asks after a long moment of silence. I breathe, thinking of the correct answer. There are so many I can't even pinpoint. "Why not?" I shrug.

"Because it's unhealthy. It could kill you."

Kind of the point.

I stay silent, not wanting to tell her that. "You realize that right? It's going to ruin you."

"How can something that feels so good ruin you when you're already ruined?"

Her cold fingertips grip my chin, forcing me to look at her. "I won't let you ruin yourself. It's not an option. Okay?"

I nod, smiling the best I could. "Does this mean I can't drink at the new year's party?"

She rolls her eyes, "I don't care what you do, I'm prepared now, I was just thrown off guard last night. Have fun. It's the new year. I just don't want trouble. Hell if we can find a ride home I'll have a few too."

"Tell me if you get uncomfortable at some point. Okay? I'll stop when you tell me."

She nods and smiles, a warm genuine smile. I don't want her to be uncomfortable with my behavior, I want her to have fun. I don't want to ruin it for her, again.

"I have to wash my face, I'll be back," she says, shifting out of the bed and grabbing something from her bag, I watch as she enters the bathroom. I get comfortable in the bed, falling into a light sleep after she's been in there for a few minutes.

Rea's POV

The bathroom door closes, I take the pen from inside the journal, opening it, and finding the next clear page.

Sunday, December 27,

I think Lily wants to die. Well, by how she acted when I asked about drinking. I always knew she wasn't okay, I mean who would be after what she had to go through. But die? Even the thought breaks my heart. I refuse to let her ruin herself, to let her lose the giant potential she has in this world.

I need her to see what she can become when she gets out of here. When she gets away from this awful place she can finally be free, she'll realize drinking doesn't feel that good. I will help her if it's the last thing I do. I love her, and even if I stick by her side as her best friend that's fine. As long as I'm with her and she's okay.

I refuse to let a substance win.

Sincerely,
A.C.

***

Hello my besties, sorry I lost motivation after I got quarantined so you didn't get a chapter, however i'm back in school now and i'll try to post more.

Remember to drink water and eat something :)

*heat pat*