Is It Love?

Chapter Twelve

Rea's POV

Received

It's the second day Violet was here, everything's fine. I guess the "forget about it" thing is working.

I read the text and sigh, being reminded about what happened on Halloween takes energy out of me.

"You okay there Cunning? You seem a little tense," I look up and Hannah is standing over me, since I'm sitting on the floor I feel small. I give a small smile, "yeah I'm fine." She gives me a weird look then sits down next to me. "Everyone knows fine doesn't mean your actually fine. Spill."

I roll my eyes and face forward again, I can feel her eyes still looking at me, waiting for me to tell her.

Do I? I don't see why I can't. I mean I've known her since elementary. She was one of the first people I came out as pansexual to, I might as well,

"So you know Lily?" I ask while looking back at her, making eye contact again. Her eyebrows raise like I asked a stupid question, "you're kidding right? Of course I know about her, you've known her for years, why?"

How exactly do I say this?

If I don't know what to say then why am I even saying it?

Crap I have to talk before it gets awkward.

"I'm kind of..in love with her?" I can't believe I just admitted that to someone other than my mom. I look away from her eyes, "Wow okay straight into it."

"Well not really straight." her words make me stop, I look at her immediately with shock, but quickly that turns into a smile and we are laughing. "Well, at least this isn't awkward anymore."

"I had to say something you said two things and looked like someone stole your dog when you said them." She shrugs her shoulders, but starts talking again, "so are you gonna tell me more, or am I left on a cliffhanger?"

I look away and whisper a quiet 'oh my god' while rubbing my hands together but I start talking again. "I don't talk about this often so if I sound crazy don't judge- got it?" she nods. "Okay, well, I love her blah blah she loves me as a friend blah blah-"

"Okay stop saying blah, that's like no context."

I roll my eyes and huff, "fine whatever. She likes me as a friend, and I'm fine with that but ever since her friend kissed her all I feel is jealousy," I look back at her, "also I never knew jealousy was so exhausting."

Her eyes soften a little, "so by a friend you mean?"

"I don't know- friend. That's all she said, she also said they were gonna just forge-"

"They want to forget about it?" I nod, "Then why are you jealous, its nothing."

"I don't know that's the worst part- and I said not to judge. Ever since it happened it's all I can think about, I used to be able to hide it, and now that it has settled in my brain that she will be with someone other than me it just, hurts I guess. I know it's stupid. I should care that she's happy not if she's with me." I look at the ground, but I feel Hannah's soft hand lay on my shoulder, rubbing it softly.

"You didn't mean to, you can't beat yourself up over your feelings. As long as you don't pressure or punish her for how you feel, you shouldn't feel bad. It's just gonna be hard on your end until your feelings eventually fade."

"Who knew you were such an advice giver. But thank you."

She nods at my thank you, smiling, "I mean I've been on the internet for as long as I can remember, I definitely can throw advice at you then make you laugh. It's in my nature."