Wrest Pin | The Mandalorian

Chapter Nine: The Nothing

Mando dozed mostly.

There was this same hyperawareness he had felt on Tatooine – that night when he laid in bed with Evangeline and had known he didn't have on his armor to hide his face. That the shroud of darkness would not last forever. He looked over at her slumbering form. He couldn't see much of her in the dark, but he could see the shape of her body sinking into the old mattress. Could see how her chest was expanding and shrinking with each breath. And he resisted the urge to reach out and to touch her – resisted everything within him that wanted to feel her pressed against him. He didn't want to lose that self-control that kept his thoughts in front of him – knowing, knowing, knowing that his decision to act on his desires on Tatooine had been wrong.

A part of him couldn't get the sounds out of his head. The small whimpers she had made, trying to bite them back. And he had been glad – had been glad he had been the one that had caused them. That he had been able to pull those sounds out of her. And he wished he could again, but he had hurt her. And it was wrong, he was wrong for wanting someone that didn't need to be near him. As this was no life for the kid, this was no life for her either. She still saw something good in the people of the galaxy. She didn't want to hurt anyone and she didn't want to see people be hurt. And then there was him...who didn't hesitate to step on someone's throat. Who didn't care about stringing someone up and allowing them to be eaten alive.

That was why it felt so wrong when he wanted her trembling beneath him.

He sat up slowly on the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. He thought about her words earlier – how angry she had been at him for not listening. And she was right, he had forced her onto the boat. He hadn't listened to her – but a part of him still didn't understand what she was. Evangeline was no witch as she had insisted, but she had known something bad was going to happen. Mando hadn't believed her, but he supposed there was no taking it back now.

"I'll leave, I'll leave and I'll take him with me."

"I'd find you."

The words echoed. He wondered if it had been a threat. Mando had felt his blood run cold for a moment at those words. He excused his keeping her around as protecting her from the Empire, similarly to the baby. But there had never been any formal conversation as to why she was still around. Nothing other than him considering her to be ill-equipped to take care of herself and telling her as such when she had suggested hiding soon after they had just met. But then on...he didn't know. They were bringing the baby to the Jedi, but what after? What was there to do with a seer whose family had been murdered and the Empire was chasing?

Mando wasn't sure he could let her go with the knowledge that the Empire could find her.

And the Jedi...Bo-Katan had provided the Jedi named Ahsoka Tano's location on Corvus. It would probably be a long journey. He didn't know if his ship could take it or how fly-ready the Mon Calamari had managed to make it in return for all of those credits. But they would need to somehow limp their way there. Mando looked back at the baby's sleeping form. A part of him didn't want to give up the baby either – but he knew...he knew he couldn't be what he needed. Just as he couldn't be what Evangeline needed.

He struggled to understand her emotions, struggled to understand the way she was so willing to speak how she felt. He struggled under her random physical contact, the way she didn't shy away from grabbing hold of his hands. The way she so easily smiled and laughed and made jokes. And the way she cried...The way she showed when she was hurt by him. When she was frightened or confused, everything Mando had learned to hide in order to survive as a Mandalorian – a bounty hunter.

Carefully, he stood, going to the refresher. He needed to get dressed, they needed to get ready to depart. He wanted off the damned water planet. There had been enough there. Enough had happened and enough words had been said. And he now had another lead, which made him feel better in searching for the allusive Jedi. He would need to wake them.