UNCONDITIONALLY YOURS

Undoubtedly stupidly doubtable // 25

Realllllyyyy long chapter sorry ahah. I felt oddly motivated to write today and I felt like it was a good part to include a lot to here we are :)

Sorry if some paragraph are long... its just they were speech and the 50% of my mindset that isn't creative when I write is overly grammatical. I hope you enjoy :)

"You- wait what?" I stuttered nervously. Girlfriend? That was something I hadn't been asked since... since Ben.

"Riley, I really like you and I think you are amazing in every way. Your smile, your laugh, your cute little freckles and your gorgeous eyes. But it's not just about how crazily gorgeous you are, you make me happy and when you are sad there's nothing, I want more than to comfort you. Look, I know I sound cheesy and all, but it's the truth."

My breath was clutched from my throat. Parker was the kindest person I knew, and I really like him as well. His borderline cocky attitude with an ability to be the sweetest and most caring person the next was compelling. I knew he was a good guy, but could I do this again? Ben broke me, and I didn't even like him that much. The truth was, in that moment I wanted to say yes more than anything else in the world, but that was what scared me. I breathed harshly and I didn't have enough time.

"I- sorry. Parker I- I can't. I d-don't want to." I murmured sitting up from his embrace. I instantly saw the disappointment on his face and it physically hurt me. He was certainly a mentally strong guy, but in that moment, I had made him weak and I hated myself for that. This was why I didn't want to get close to him, because this was hurting both of us.

"Why Riley?" He said simply and looked up at me whilst still laying down.

"I just don't know about b-" I began about to make up some random things to avoid the question.

"And by that, I mean honestly." He said, still pretty neutral toned. I breathed and looked at him nervously without replying.

"I really like you; Thunder and I think that if you didn't like me too you wouldn't have hung around for so long. We've kissed before, and we've hugged for ages, for god's sake! It's just a label that means a lot to me, nothing else has to change right away." Parker spoke, his tone becoming understandably less neutral. He would never be angry with my because I didn't want to be his girlfriend, I knew that, but he knew that I did was to be his girlfriend. And I couldn't even explain myself to him; after everything he'd done for me, I couldn't get a few mere words out.

"I think I want to go home. I'll walk."

"This is ridiculous, Riley!" He yelled. It was. "OK fine. You aren't walking though. I don't care what the situation may be, it's late and if you really want to get away from me that much, I will take you. It's the middle of the night, it could be dangerous and it's cold out there." Before I could reply he walked away and went to grab car keys and a coat.

The drive was silent. And this time it wasn't the bearable type of silent that we often shared, it was the cold and uneasy kind. I didn't like being like that with him. I had hurt him. It was never what I wanted, but this is why I didn't want to get close to him. I leave a chain of destruction in my path, and this time it was him that had been caught up in it. He was so caring, and so perfect. He was calm, and he was patient with me, but I had pushed him to the point he could barely face me. And I couldn't even open my mouth to do something about it.

I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't stop thinking. I couldn't stop replaying scenes in my head over and over again till I had worn my mind out so much I was even more confused that before. There was only one conclusion I had come to, and that was that I had really f*cked it up that time. I'd somehow managed to drive away the one person who genuinely believed he would stick around forever, by not making sacrifices and only thinking about myself. I was an idiot for that. And I knew I was an idiot after he was gone, because then, I realised more than ever, I needed Parker Jones in my life. I didn't think it could ever go back to how it was before him, because he wasn't the kind of guy I could forget. He also wasn't the kind of guy I could accept not being around.