UNCONDITIONALLY YOURS

Undeserved perfection // 37

Riley

I tossed and turned, but no matter how much I desperately tried to scrunch my eyes closed, I was restless. The idea of actually getting to sleep seemed like a long shot. I hadn't wanted to argue with him, it was never my intention. But I couldn't help it.

No matter what I did and what Parker did, there was something drilled into the back of my mind which made me feel like I had to be independent. And even after everything he had done for me and everything he had proven to me, I could sense a hint of doubt in my mind constantly. It still seemed unrealistic that he cared about me. Not that he hadn't done everything he could to show me, it was simply and uncertainty I feared I would always have.

Parker was just so... Parker. There were no adjectives that could quite do him justice. He was utterly perfect. The kind of person who was good at everything, and as far as I knew had no faults. It shocked me that he had never been in a proper, committed relationship before because he was an expert practically. He always knew how to comfort me, making me happy and how to treat me. I was surprised he didn't want to be in a relationship before me because he seemed so well suited to it.

But now I had made him angry, and I knew he wasn't easily phased. Especially when it was me, he was incredibly understanding. That only made it hurt more when he wouldn't look at me. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I screwed up somehow. I knew deep down he wasn't too angry at me myself, just disappointed that I wouldn't tell him. And most of all, I knew he would be frustrated at how my luck never improved and the way life treated me.

I could not sleep in that state. Knowing he was only a couple of doors away from me. Knowing he was trying to cope with me because I wasn't being easy on him. Even if he wouldn't say it, it was my fault he was feeling horrible. I warned him I wasn't an easy person to care for, and I couldn't help but wonder what our relationship would be like if I wasn't still a complete wreck. Maybe I would have confided in him sooner, and maybe we could be peaceful and happy. Maybe, just maybe, I could have given him the relationship he deserved.

I suddenly felt movement beside me. His presence affected me no less than it always had and probably always would. I was hopeful of why he had come. I didn't expect him to forget about how I had lied to him, but I just wanted him there. I just wanted to feel safe and complete.

"Hey. Can you hear me?" He whispered softly enough that he would not wake me if I were asleep. I did not reply, and I stayed still. Not because I was upset or doubtful, all of that melted away as soon as he entered the room. I just felt the need to wait a moment and see what his move would be without my interference. I was tired, anyway, I did not feel the need to reply. He sighed deeply. I tried not to react as he wrapped his warm and loving arm around me and carefully pulled me into his chest.

"Sorry beautiful." He breathed, close to silently next to my ear. "I never wanted to argue with you, I never wanted to get angry. I can only hope you don't confuse my caring for being controlling. I'm just confused. I've never felt this way about anyone before, I hope you understand. I just never expected it, I don't fall for people easily. And as strong as I try to be for you, I am new to feeling like I do. It's like when I'm near you all my emotions are ten times more intense, and sometimes uncontrollable. When I saw the message, I was only scared for you, maybe a little angry too. But only because I wish you could tell me."

I stayed silent, unsure if he would have said that to me had I been awake. If I had ever question any part of him, I would be wrong. Parker Jones was absolutely and thoroughly the best example of any person. Possibly the complete opposite of me, but I was started to learn he really didn't see me in that way.

He began to loosen his embrace and turn away, ready to leave and go back to the other room. I did not want to talk in that moment necessarily, but I wanted him to be there. I would not even sleep without it. I turned over to face him and pulled his arm back over myself whilst resting my head half to the pillow and half on his shoulder. He relaxed again, and I knew he was going to stay. I was not sure if he knew I had heard all he said or if I was just subconsciously awake, but he still muttered to me.

"Sleep well, Thunder."

The following morning, I began my first full day living a new life. I very almost entered it with a huge negative weighing over my shoulders, but like always, Parker pulled through and made me happy. I wasn't going to get through much of the day before Parker started to question me. I couldn't blame him. We ate breakfast together and then began the interrogating. After squeezing as much detail as he possibly could about everything that happened out of me, he moved onto the rational thinking I was afraid of. He squeezed my hand.

"I'm sorry. I wish this was minor enough to leave and not give a second thought to, but it isn't. We have to get help, this is beyond our reach at the moment." I sighed and realised I would have to tell him the thing I had barely admitted to myself. It was something I didn't want to believe, but things certainly pointed in that direction and it was better that Parker knew.

"Parker, I have to tell you something else... about all this." He nodded and waited for me. "I think I might know who this is. But I have no solid proof, and if it's true... it's going to be bad."

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