Tell Me You Love Me

Chapter 4

Don't spend all your time wondering what you are, or who you like, or whether it's right for you or wrong for you. Just let yourself be happy.

-Callie Torres, Grey's Anatomy.

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Callies POV

"you look amazing" Erica smiles as we sat at a table. I couldn't help but blush at the compliment.

"so do you" I reply, and she really did. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. 

I don't know what has got into me the past few weeks. Since I met Erica I started feelings things I've not felt before, especially for a women and its scaring me. I've been trying to ignore it but the more time I spent with her the stronger they become. I don't know what's happening.

We spent the next hour or so just sat there talking, it was bliss. I could see Arizona sat with April and Lexi. I'm glad to see her smiling again. I could tell something was wrong with her earlier so I will have to ask her about it later. I sort of feel bad that I've not spend time with her tonight but, I get the sense that she doesn't really like Erica. 

"just gonna go to the toilet" Erica says as she stands up.

"wait I need to go as well" I reply standing up.  We both finished and had washed and dried our hands while talking. Suddenly she walked right up to me.

"you really are beautiful"  she whispers, locking eyes with mine. A lump forms in my throat. 

"thank you" I manage to respond. I could see her eyes moving from my eyes to lips. Suddenly she leans in connecting our lips. I don't know what came over me but I instantly kissed her back. I felt my stomach flip. It felt so good. She started deepening the kiss when the bathroom door opened, I quickly pulled away and the realisation hit me. I went cold. What have I done, I've just kissed a women. It really hasn't help my confused state of mind.

"I-I erm I have to go" I say and gently push Erica off me before running out the bathroom, not giving her the chance to stop me. 

I picked my bag and coat from my chair and ran out the door, tears streaming down my face. I could hear Arizona running after me, shouting my name. I carried on running and even though I'm faster then her, with me being in heels it wasn't long until she caught up with me.

"Callie" she says breathlessly, grabbing hold of my arm causing me to stop. I turned around and buried my head in her chest, tears still spilling down my face.

"hey shh its okay, lets get you home and we can talk then ok" she cooed. I just nodded. It was then that I realised that she had her shoes In her hand.

"why have you not got shoes on" I ask

"I wouldn't have been able to catch up if I ran in heels" she chuckled. She then bent down and put her shoes on. Once her shoes were back on she took my hand and laced our fingers and we walked the rest of the way home in silence. Being with Arizona instantly makes me feel a little better, but I know in the next couple of minutes I will have to tell her everything and that's going to make it more realistic.

"I'll get you a coffee" Arizona says as we walk into the house. A few minutes later she reappears with two cups of coffee. 

"Erica kissed me and I ran away" I blurt out before she could say anything. I could see the shock on her face.

"okay, so, what's the problem with that and why did you run away"

"the problem is I really liked it and it terrified me so I ran" I sigh

"and you don't want to like it" she asked

"I don't know, I'm so confused, I feel things for Erica that I've not felt before, well not for a women anyway. I cant like women" I cry

"why, there's nothing wrong with it" I could see the hurt on Arizona's face.

"no I know that, its justs.. Oh God my parents, what are they going to think"

"hey its okay" " she smiled taking my hands into hers.

"there is nothing wrong with what your feeling Callie, trust me your talking to a lesbian" she laughs.

"how have I never known I like women" I say, the realisation becoming to much causing more tears to spill from my eyes.

"how you never felt attracted to other women" she asked. I try to think

"I never thought I did" I sigh. 

Then it hits me. I've always found women attractive but I never realised that's what it was. How have I been so blind. I always knew something was missing in my life but I never thought it was this. 

"what am I going to do" I ask as I look at Arizona who had an expressionless look on her face.

"go talk to Erica, If you like her, tell her. She obviously likes you otherwise she wouldn't have kissed you. But Callie you need to embrace this new part of you, trust me hiding it is the worst thing you can do. As for your parents we will cross that bridge when we come to it."

"I'm so scared Arizona" I admit truthfully.

"I know, but its going to be okay, I promise" she smiled pulling me Into a hug. 

"love you" I smile into chest.

"love you too" 

We sat there for a while just watching tele but I couldn't concentrate because my mind was in overdrive. How have I not noticed. Looking back in makes so much sense. The way I looked at women, the thoughts I had about women. I just always thought it was because I was jealous of how they looked or whatever. How am I going to tell my parents, the strict Catholics, that their daughter is bisexual. To them its a sin, its wrong. It goes against everything they believe in.
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