Tell Me You Love Me

Chapted 22

The  human life is made up of choices. Yes or No. In or out. Up or down. And then there are the choices that matter. Love or hate. To be a hero or to be a coward. to fight or to give in. To live or die. Live or die, that's the important choice. And its not always in our hands.

-Dererk Shepherd, Grey's Anatomy

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Callie's POV

It's been a couple of months since the accident and I'm not going to lie, its been hard not just for me but for Arizona. She has been amazing helping even though she's been recovering herself. But we are both okay and having physio, we are both making a full recovery.  She went back to work a week ago and I'm going back in a couple of days and I'm scared. I haven't told Arizona yet as I know how she will act. The thought of being back in the ambulance terrifies me but  I know  that if I don't try then I'll never overcome it and plus I'll be okay once I get back to it.

"I'm off to work, are you going to be okay' Arizona asks as she got her keys and coat.

"yeah I'll be fine just going to chill and wait for you to get back" I smile.

"okay, I'll call you later" she gave me a kiss and left. I turned the tele on, put the blanket over me and just watched shit daytime tv. I wish she didn't have to go to work, I get lonely and bored. After like an hour or so I got bored of the shit shows and decided I would start watching Line Of Duty, everyone has been raving about it so it must be good. Next thing I know I get woken up by the door bell,  I must have fallen asleep I look at the time. I've been asleep for nearly 2 hours and episode 3 had started. I turned it off before slowly getting up and going to the door. I opened the door and I could feel anger starting to stir up inside me.

"what are you doing here" I say through gritted teeth.

"erm can I come in" Carina asks.

"Arizona isn't here"

"actually it's you I've come to see" Carina says.

"why"

"can we talk, please" She pleads.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say" 

"Callie please, we were friends once upon a time, please" I stared at her for a few seconds.

"you have 5 minutes" I say. I turned around and walked back into the living room, sitting back on the sofa. Carina followed and sat on the chair opposite me. None of us spoke for a few seconds.

"how are you doing" She asks.

"fine thanks, what do you have to say" I say not wanting to exchange pleasantries.

"I've tried to come a few times over the past couple of months but I've been to scared" I didn't say anything just waited for her to carry on.

"I'm sorry Callie, for everything. I know I left Arizona in a bad way and that you had to pick up the pieces. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it and regret it. Leaving Arizona.... Hurting her, was the worst thing I've ever done in my life and I hate myself for it"

"why did you do it" I ask

"I was selfish and put my dreams and wants before us"

"you wasn't selfish" I reply. I could tell that surprised her. She didn't say anything so I carried on.

"I understand why you left, but what I don't understand is Why did you do it the way you did, there was so many other ways...nicer ways you could have left things, but you broke up with her without warning then left, and then Ghosted her, she deserved so much better"

"I know she did, you both did"

"you destroyed her Carina, you didn't see the mess you left and I dont think I can ever forgive you for it, Arizona may have but I can't, and then you come back without warning, sleep with her and act like it never happened"

"I tried to contact her to tell her I was coming back but her number changed and so did yours, so I couldn't, and then I saw her in the restaurant. I thought she was going to run out or slap me or something. I didn't expect her to hear me out but she did and the sex... well I didn't expect it to happen, but we are two grown adults and we agreed that it was just sex nothing else" I didn't say anything.

"I am sorry Callie, truly I am if I could go back and change it I would, But I can't"

"I know" I sigh. I suddenly didn't feel as angry as I was a few moments ago. It was a few seconds before any of us spoke again.

"is that the only reason you hate me" she asks.

"what do you mean" 

"I left you too" she replies.

"this isn't about me" I say, trying to drop the conversation. I picked up my water and took a sip.

"Callie it is" I looked up at her.

"we were friends, really good friends and I left you as well. I know you hate me and are mad at me because of what I did to Arizona, but deep down I know you're hurt because I left you and knowing I hurt you hurts me to" I didn't know what to say so I took another sip of water and placed in back on the table. Next thing I know She came and sat right next to me and placed her hand on my leg. I looked up at her, Not sure what do to.

"I am sorry, for everything, for hurting Arizona, and for hurting you. But.." she moves a little closer.

"I'm not going anywhere" she smiles, looking straight into my eyes. A lump formed in my throat, I couldn't move.