Honest Lies | soojin

Chapter 5: Part 1

I got out of the bathroom after a shower and changed into my pajamas. The water was warm and it was just right to combat the freezing weather, otherwise I wouldn't be able to stand the cold.

I'm not much a fan of washing my hair everyday, I'd rather do it every other day, but due to our daily practice recently for the Midterm Evaluation, I felt the need to, since it always ends up being sticky and tangled from all the sweat. It's gross.

I entered the room I've been sharing with Yeh Shuhua, a first year, Taiwanese exchange student. She was sleeping on her bed, above my own since every bed in this dorm is a bunk bed. I glanced to the mess of clothing laying on the floor, everything belonging to my adorable yet could be a handful roommate. My eyes traveled back to my bed where an impression of a body was left very lightly before it slowly returned to its flat state.

That's when cold sweats break into my skin and my heartbeat run wildly. My phone was there, but not in the position I remembered leaving it before I entered the bathroom.

Shuhua made it her business to learn my password the moment we became extremely close and would be upset whenever I changed it to get away from her prying eyes. But one time, I forgot my newly set password and was forced to reformat it and that's when I gave up and finally let her use my phone whenever. I had nothing to hide anyway back then, but right now? I'm in trouble.

I glanced up to her once more before nervously opening the screen of the small gadget. One particular message was on display sent by an unknown person.

It was from Hui-oppa. I didn't save his number because I was too afraid that any of the girls would read it.

The message wasn't opened yet, but anyone could read it from the locked screen, hopefully it was sent to me after Shuhua went to bed. I cautiously glanced up to her one last time before I decided to give away my faith to God, and hope that she didn't read it. God, I hope she didn't.

I know Shuhua adores me like an older sister, a role model, someone she could trust and be proud of. Someone who'd take care of her. And I love being that person for Shuhua, but I can't help keeping this secret from her, I believe she would be jealous or hurt, or sad. Probably all of those, combined.

Only the oldest girls knew about my secret. One knew because I told her, the other one because she accidentally found out about it. I was grateful that none of them are tattlers though, that they've kept my relationship with Oppa. I was afraid to tell any of the girls, but I felt comfortable with Miyeon-unnie—back then, a stranger who has a stage fright—and trusted her to bare my secret with me.

I couldn't sleep properly that night, I was left lying with eyes wide open. Staring into the metal support of the bed above me. And as if my eyes could see through solid materials, I imagined Shuhua's body, moving ever so slightly from her breathing, her body's overwhelmed from tiredness due to our strong choreography.

I swore with all my heart that I'll take care of this girl, that I'll be the best older sister she could have here in a new, unfamiliar country. That I'll protect her from anyone and anything that could hurt her. Even if that means lying to her, keeping secrets from her, just to protect her from me.