(1) 𝐍𝐄𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐄 | d. m

Chapter seventeen

"Draco, what is happening?!".

I found myself, once again, at the top of the stairs of the Astronomy Tower. The wind was still as cool as it had been only minutes ago, but somehow– the world seemed colder than ever before. I had been standing just underneath the floorboards, listening in on the conversation between Draco and Professor Dumbledore, and regrettably, I had also bared witness to Professor Snape's actions. Still in complete shock over what I had seen, I climbed the stairs until I saw the outline of Draco's shadow. I treaded carefully, unsure if the rest of the Death Eaters had disappeared already.

"Draco?! What the hell just happened?! P–professor Dumbledore... He–he's dead isn't he?". I approached Draco, my limbs shaking uncontrollably as I looked into his sad eyes. He too, was seemingly perplexed, and I tried to make sense of everything. But there was no answer. He just stood there, quietly, with his gaze fixated on the exact spot where Dumbledore had been standing, merely minutes ago. In his sadness, there was something familiar. I could feel everything that he was feeling and it seemed as If we had known each other forever due to it. I was confused, because I had tried for so long, to escape the boy with the silver hair and ice blue eyes, but something in me wanted so badly to wrap myself in his arms. There was no explaining what I was feeling.

The silence was deafening, and only added to the feeling of shock and suspense. In that moment, I thought I would never be able to escape the darkness of the Wizarding world. It seemed, that everywhere I turned, death and destruction followed.

"Snape...". Draco's voice was shaking as he spoke and his eyes were filled with tears. He looked shaken, roughed up, broken even. He was an entirely different person to the one I had spent so many months being annoyed with. "He–He killed him. I mean–I was going to. I think–but I couldn't. Then Snape appeared. He... He performed the Killing Curse on Professor Dumbledore– then he– then he fell".

I could just about make out what Draco was saying, and all though I had overheard the entirety of the conversation between Snape and Dumbledore, I needed something to verify what I had really seen.

"I know. I saw". I paused to take in a deep breath of air, swallowing the salt of my tears as I did. "But Draco– why... Why are you here? You weren't really going to–". I swallowed again. "–I mean, you weren't going to... kill Dumbledore, where you?".

He still wouldn't answer my questions. I guess he was in too much shock to comprehend what I was saying. I could see in his eyes, that he was replaying the scene in his head, again and again. I thought, any moment now, he's going to drop to his knees. I decided to ask him about the things Pansy, Neville and Luna had been talking. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best moment, but I just had to know.

"Draco-". That's when he, to my surprise, took his eyes off the spot at which he had been staring, and looked in my eyes instead. "People have said things to me. About us. Things that I can't wrap my head around. It just doesn't make any sense–".

"—I love you... I love you Lane. I should've said it more–".

"—Wait, what are you talking about?". Even more confused than ever, I took a step back, but Draco followed me, putting his hand on my arm, as if to keep me from leaving.

"This past year. I haven't been completely honest with you". There was a pause, and then he continued; "I–we... I guess you could say, we were together". He seemed to be returning to the present moment, still broken up about what had just happened, but more aware of my presence. I turned around, my back facing him. I didn't know what he was talking about, at first. Then it hit me like a ray of light.

"You mean– together-together?", I curved my eyebrows in dubiety as I felt him creeping up behind me and putting another hand on my shoulder. I turned back around, indecisive of whether to meet his eyes or not. When I finally did – they said everything I needed to know.
"Well, how come I don't remember?". I feared the answer I somehow understood was coming, and he didn't have to say a word. "You Obliviated me?! You ERASED my memories?". My breathes were becoming more and more heavy and uneven. "How could you?! My memories are just that, they are MINE! They belong to ME! Why would you do that?!". I felt my voice breaking more and more with every word I was saying. I can't explain it in any other way than to say that I was furious. Angry with Draco because of the secret he had been keeping from me, angry with my friends that they hadn't put the pieces together and told me. But most of all – I was angry with myself for not seeing what was happening right in front of me.

"It was too dangerous. I had to make sure you would be safe. From my family – from me". He was still teary-eyed, and I could see that this was troubling him as well. He tried to take a hold of my hand, but I shrugged back in response.

"I understand if you don't ever want to see me again. To be honest, I wouldn't want to if I were you. I have done things, terrible things. Oh, if you knew half of the things I have done!". He chuckled nervously, and a single tear rolled down the side of his face. I found myself struggling to hold back and not wipe it away.

Just as he had done before, I didn't answer him right away. He wasn't exactly asking a question, but I could sense that he was waiting for me to say something in return. I was overwhelmed by emotions. I had just heard Professor Snape kill Professor Dumbledore, I found out only awhile back that Draco was a Death Eater and tried to curse Katie Bell, and now he's telling me that we were in some kind of romantic relationship?! It was all just too much for me to bare, and the only answer I could really seem to give him at that moment was;

"I need time".