(1) 𝐍𝐄𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐄 | d. m

Chapter fifty

I couldn't believe how alive he looked. If I didn't know any better, I'd assume he was just asleep, lost in a tranquil dreamland somewhere far from the sad truth of our current reality. His eyes remained closed shut, and his fair, near pearly white skin made him look like a ghost. He was covered in cuts and bruises, presumably from doing his outmost at fending off some of the death eaters attempting to take over Hogwarts that very night.

"He looks. . .—". I started, nearing closer to his body. Taking in the sight of him, just laying there, I couldn't believe he was truly gone.

"—Peaceful? I know". Luna cut me off, sniffling. She was still holding a firm grip of my hand, now and again giving it a gentle and reassuring squeeze. "You wouldn't believe he's not just sleeping. It still feels like he's going to wake up any minute".

I tried to hold back the tears, but they just kept on falling. "But he's not. He's not coming back". I knelt down beside him, dropping Luna's hand in the process. I tried to feel for any sign of life, any at all, but there were none.

"He's so. . . cold".

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. If I had just tried a bit harder to keep you all safe, none of this would've ever happened", I broke down, laying my head against his neck and holding his ice cold hands in mine. He wasn't moving, of course he wasn't, and it felt like my whole world came crashing down on me upon the realisation. I'd never be whole again. Not without him.

"Don't say that. Neville wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself, he wouldn't have wanted any of us to". The blonde haired girl with kind eyes who I had grown to love tried her best at reassuring me. "You didn't do this, and you don't deserve to have the guilt looming over you like this". Luna came up behind me, putting her gentle hands on my shoulders, as I kept on using my thumb to rub Neville's cold hand, pretending he would soon open his eyes.

It had hit me earlier, that I would never be truly happy again. All of the people I ever cared about — or even loved — were gone. Everyone who ever made me the person I wanted to be rather than the person I had been, had been taken from me.

Narcissa had given up her life for me and Draco to have a chance at a better one.

Draco didn't love me, and now I was left incomplete.

Neville was dead, and he wasn't coming back.

Of course, I still had Luna with me, but without Draco to break my heart time and time again, and Neville to try and put it back together — things just weren't the same. They were never going to be either.

"I'm pregnant". I found myself blurting out, not at all careful with my words. I guess I was hoping that by getting it out there, I wouldn't have to carry around the guilt of knowing just how it happened, all by myself. I knew that Luna would be supportive no matter what, at least, I hoped she would be.

She removed her hands from my shoulders, and I felt myself stiffen, perhaps out of sheer regret.

"You're— are you really?", she asked with an unreadable face. At that point, I couldn't for the life of me, figure out if she was going to laugh, cry, scream or embrace me. There was no sign of a frown on her face, but no sign of a reassuring smile either.

"Yes". I gulped. "I wasn't sure whether or not to tell you or if I should wait, but I realised I'd start to show eventually and you'd probably figure it out for yourself. So I wanted you to know, and I was planning on telling Neville the news as well—". I felt yet a single tear find it's way down my cheek. I tried to suppress the overall feeling of dread hanging over me, but there was really no point. "Are you mad?".

There was an awkward silence between us, until I found myself completely sure of the fact that she would never judge me for something like this.

"Of course not!", she started smiling. "I'm so happy for you. Wait— are you happy?".

"I think so. I don't know".

I had never really gotten the chance to think about the way I was feeling about it all. About becoming a mother. About carrying around a human being in my stomach for nine consecutive months until eventually, I'd have to go through the worst pain imaginable in order to bring her or him into the world. About the nausea and the back pain, the endless sleepless nights and worst of all. . .

Going through all of it without all of them by my side.

Without Narcissa to hold my hand and reassure me that having a child is the greatest joy of all.

Without Draco to rub circles on my back and tell me that everything is going to be okay and that he loves me.

Without Neville to keep me company and tell me stories to the baby, even long before it's born.

Without my parents to embarrass me with old baby photos of myself running around the house.

The grief of never being able to have my child meet the people who shaped me into the person I am today. That was somehow the worst sort pain I'd ever had to endure, and I knowing that I was going through it all without them by my side broke my heart into endless bits and pieces. I didn't think I'd ever be able to recover from something like that.

"Look. I love you no matter what, you know that, and I will be with you every step of the way. I'll hold your hand if it gets too much, I'll go with you to your healer appointments and I'll even babysit if you need me to". She scoffed slightly, earning back the light that always used to shine from her eyes.

"Thank you". I mouthed, embracing her. We both let the tears fall as we stood there, holding each other close. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you too. Please, don't ever leave me", I sobbed into her shirt.

"I won't. We'll be okay. I promise. I don't know how, but we'll be okay".

___

Soooo with the risk of milking this story further, I've decided to keep writing. I'm not entirely sure how many chapter we'll end up with, but know that the story is nearing its end.

By the way, I really love this chapter. I'm really proud of it. Feel free to share your thoughts of it with me as well.

Love,

ddraconifors