(1) 𝐍𝐄𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐄 | d. m

Chapter fourteen

Draco

I woke up feeling extremely heavy headed. It was as if my entire body had been sliced open and stitched back up, as if nothing ever happened. I was in pain, but it felt like it was slowly growing less and less intense.

I was lying in a bed in the hospital wing, going through the events of the last few days in my head.

"How are you feeling?". A voice woke me from my trance. I know immediately who it belonged to.

Lane.

I had no clear answer to give, but in my state of haze, I found myself opening my mouth to speak anyway.

"Fantastic". I grinned sarcastically, trying hard not to let the pain get the best of me. Lane was walking towards the bed were I was laying, tugging at her earlobe anxiously. She was smiling too, but I could sense that she wasn't entirely present. Something was on her mind, and it seemed to be something not very good.

As she stood by my bed, her body crouched over mine, I felt a sense of relief. Something I hadn't felt in a very long time. I had spent so much of my life, hating myself and the choices that I've had to make, and when I no longer recognised the boy in the bathroom mirror — I decided that I had had enough. That I might as well have disappeared, because no one would notice anyway. However, that all seemed to change. Seeing the sadness and worry in Lane's eyes, made me realise that I actually had someone in this world that cared. Someone who would care if I left. That feeling gave me hope, but also made me scared in a completely different way — because now I had something to lose.

"You know, I kind of thought you were going to leave me there for a minute". Lane's voice was raspy, but comforting. Her red hair was a bit tangled, and her eyes seemed sad. As she put her hand on top of mine, I didn't pull back, instead I put my other one above it, smiling reassuringly. For the first time, I was the one in control.

That's when she started to cry. She wasn't sobbing, but crying quietly, without making any sound or shaking. As our hands interlocked, I tried to comfort her.

"Hey—hey, don't go all soft on me now". My words seemed to brighten her mood, if only a little bit.

"I was really scared Draco, I—I thought you were dead". My heart started beating faster with every breath I took and I wanted desperately to remove the pain she was feeling and take it for myself, but I couldn't.

"I'm fine, Ross. You saved me. If it wasn't for you—" That's when her lips landed on mind once again. Only this time, it felt as if it truly was the last time. Her lips were colder than before and she only pressed them onto mine for a few seconds, until she shrugged back. It was a weird feeling, because even though I knew what had just happened, it felt as if her lips never even touched mine.

"I'm sorry—I—I can't...". The tears were still streaming down her face as she spoke quietly.

"What is it?", I said, growing somewhat anxious of her words. A part of me knew that this would end badly, and a part of me didn't care.

"Draco... Is it true? What Harry said- did you hex Katie Bell- did you hex her with my necklace?"

I didn't know what to say, but I wished it wasn't the truth. I could see the insecurity and struggle within Lane's eyes and I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay. That no, I didn't curse Katie Bell, someone else did. That I wasn't a Death Eater, but a good guy. Someone who would be worthy of her and someone who could protect her against anything causing her to feel this way. But no — I couldn't tell her any of these things, and that broke my heart.

The silence was deafening, I couldn't find the words to tell her and I think she knew that I wasn't going to. Her eyes were still glistening with sorrow, the frown still stuck upon her cheeks.

Finally, she broke the silence.

"I know what you are. Draco— I'm afraid. I know what you are what you did and it doesn't matter if you don't tell me, because I know everything and— this is not working. You and me, we're too different. It's cliché, but— it's the truth..."

I was still keeping quiet, while my whole body was aching to talk. I knew that she was right. This would never work, no matter how much we both wanted it to — I was still me. I couldn't let her go through what I was going through, and she would be better off. As a way to show her that I didn't care, a way to pretend that she didn't mean anything to me, I rolled onto the side, my back to her. That seemed to be the only answer I could give her.

"I understand. It's as I expected. Good— that's good". Her voice started to tremble and I knew that I had gotten to her. She had accepted my quiet answer. I should have been pleased.

The feeling of hopefulness and calm had now been reduced to feelings of hopelessness and anxiety. All I had wanted in this world, was to find someone who was brave enough to care about me, and now that I had found her — I had to let her go again. The pain I felt in that moment, was much worse than what any curse could inflict upon me. As I heard the footsteps of the one person who had truly understood me fade away, I knew what was awaiting me — and it was far from good.

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