(1) 𝐍𝐄𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐄 | d. m

Chapter fifty-one

I spent the next few months following the Battle of Hogwarts in complete agony. I was going crazy missing Neville and thinking about Draco, and it showed. Not only did I act completely different from my usual self, but my outward appearance and physical condition started to suffer a tremendous amount from the grief I was experiencing. My health and well-being deteriorated, and it was as clear as day to anyone who cared. My sudden lack of interest in food, fresh air, exercise, and life in general, did not go unnoticed. Despite the fact that Voldemort had been defeated by Harry Potter himself, and that the safety and future of the wizarding world was now guaranteed, I couldn't help but feel like nothing of it really mattered. How was I supposed to be happy when the people closest to me and hundred more, lost their lives, in one way or another that very summer? How was I ever going to move on from this?  It all seemed so pointless, and I couldn't even begin to understand the new way of life that presented itself to me.

There was a grey and doleful mist hanging over the world, the feeling of complete dread looming overhead, and it felt like the sun would never make itself know again, almost as if it was as equally terrified of the future as us. Because we were — terrified.

Luna and I didn't really talk about what had happened, instead letting our grief speak for itself. Neither one of us broke the silence, and it felt like the best way to move forward — was to forget and move on. However impossible it seemed to be. We spent the whole month of June just dodging the subject of May 2nd, and for awhile, it was working. It was bearable. We just continued with our lives, as if nothing ever happened, simply existing.

After the events of that summer, I found Luna and myself a tiny two-bedroom flat in central London, somewhere between St James' Park and Westminster Abbey. It wasn't much to brag about, but it was enough for the two of us, and one of the bedrooms would just about fit a crib, so the baby would be able to sleep next to me. Al though the plumbing system was old, and the kitchen not the biggest I'd ever laid eyes on, it would have to do. After all, it was all I had.

The living room was my favourite part of the flat, with its decorative wallpaper and exquisite view of Covent Garden. It had a tiled stove on the opposite end of the grande window, and on the wall above the tiny muggle television, hung a replica of 'The Birth of Venus' by Botticelli, one of my favourite paintings to date. It wasn't the most grandeur of places, but it was the closets I'd felt to home in a long time.

Thanks to Luna, and Kate — one of our neighbours who I befriended — I wasn't entirely alone during my pregnancy. In fact, I found myself starting to grow more and more excited about the notion of becoming a mother as the months rolled on. As time went on and it started to near closer to my due date — which I found out to be in the middle of December — the idea of having a child didn't quite faze me in the same way it used to.

"So— what would you think about being God mother?", I bluntly asked Luna, as we were making dinner together one night in August. "I don't really know what it means exactly, but there's no one else in the entire world I'd rather want as my child's God-parent. Seeing as your my best friend—". I was starting to grow nervous of her quiet demeanour, she was usually very talkative.

"—Yes! Yes! Of course!", she nearly startled me, throwing her arms around my neck in glee, giving me a big hug. It was a relief, to know she'd always be there no matter what. "Oh, I can't believe it! We're having a baby!".

"We?", I asked as she let go of me, a smile still etched on her kind face.

"We". She nodded.

***

Dear Draco.

I know you don't want anything to do with me anymore, but I thought if I wrote a letter, you'd at least hear me out. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

I never wanted to fall in love. I never felt like I was deserving of that kind of unreasonable and irrevocable feeling, but . . . here I am. Starving for your touch, thirsty for your lips on mine. I won't say I'm not suffering, because I am. No matter how hard I try to keep up this facade in front of both Luna and Kate, I can't seem to shake the feeling of utter despair.

Because I loved you, and even though you said you didn't reciprocate any of my feelings — I still do. I try not to, but it's proven to be as impossible as looking directly into the sun without being blinded. You just can't. The same way I can't forget about you.

To complicate things even further for myself, I've kept this massive secret from you. Well, it's not necessarily a secret, if you don't even wish to see me, but it's tearing me up inside all the more for that. I guess I just wished you'd somehow see reason and come back to me. Wishful thinking and all that.

Anyway, I hope you're doing okay and that your life is all that you wanted it to be. I guess it turned out okay in the end for the both of us, huh?

I love you. Never forget that.

Yours forever,

Delaney

I continued to write letters to Draco all throughout the remainder of 1998. Countless letters. Letters I never gained the courage to send, instead, keeping them safely hidden away underneath my bed. I wasn't planning on ever giving them to him, but they served as a reminder of what we'd been through. Him and me. I guess, in a messed-up kind of way, they made me feel relieved, knowing that I could always go back to them whenever my memories decided to refuse me. Whenever I wasn't sure of the choices I'd made and the paths I'd taken. Somehow, they became the pathway to the past, a way for me to remind myself that the life I was living — was meant to be.

Al though, sometimes I wasn't so lucky. Sometimes I'd find myself, in the middle of the night, screaming myself awake. I guess it's safe to say I was still experiencing the trauma of May 2nd, sometimes finding it hard not to replay everything over and over again in my head.

On the not so rare occasion that I'd wake up screaming, in a pool of my own sweat, Luna would be my anchor, bringing me back to shore. I'd find her holding me, attempting to sing me back to sleep.

Oh Luna, what would I ever do without you?

"I—I need to go see him", I sobbed through heavy breaths. "He needs to know".

"He left you, Laney. He told you he didn't love you...—".

"I know what he said", I pulled from her grasp, sitting up in bed. Luna drew a heavy breath, sighing knowingly. "I know he doesn't want me. I just— I can't keep this up anymore. Acting as if everything's okay, when it's so obviously not. Nothing's okay". I inhaled, wiping away the snot hanging from my nose. "We need to acknowledge everything that happened that night. It's not healthy, what we're doing. Going around, pretending it never happened, because it did— it did happen, Luna". I kept repeating myself, helplessly and consciously begging for her forgiveness. For her to finally tell me that it was my fault, it was all my fault, but that she forgives me for all my wrong-doings. Because I hadn't been able to forgive myself just yet.

"Okay". She placed a tiny kiss on my forehead, as I lay my head back in her lap. "We'll get though this, you and me. It will get better". I didn't know if she was trying to convince me or herself that everything was going to be okay, but somehow I knew we would. It wasn't going to be easy, and was already going through hell at that point, but we'd get there. Eventually.

"I'll come with you. We'll talk to Draco". She whispered as I drifted off to sleep.

____

Damn it. I wanted there to be 50 chapters. . . That would've been bloody satisfying. Haha 😆

Anyways, what did you think of the chapter?

What do you think will happen next? What do you want to happen next?

Love,

ddraconifors