•••
He says, "I...uh, I don't expect the same from you and I'm not making you answer, I just wanted you to know how I feel." I nod and say, "I don't even know what to say." He strokes my cheek and says, "You don't have to say anything."
•••
Then he leans into my ear and whispers: "Okay, don't turn around now, but there's someone standing a little way behind you and he's watching us. But don't look at him." I nod and then I notice that he's very close to me. Our eyes meet and suddenly we don't see the world around us anymore, we only see each other. He suddenly leans in and kisses me. I forget about the person standing behind me and sink into the kiss.
The only detail I didn't know was that the person standing behind me was Yoongi, who was walking. He rolls his eyes and starts walking forward, past me.I pull away from the kiss, then I see that someone is walking past us and when he's walked forward, he looks back. And only then do I notice that it's Yoongi. My heart stops for a second and I feel very guilty. Hyun Jun looks at Yoongi and then looks at me. He asks me, "Do you know him??" I nod.
Then I say, "I mean, he's my ex, but we weren't really together." Hyun Jun asks, "Is he the one you're pregnant with?" I nod and Hyun Jun asks, "Can I ask why you... ended your relationship?"I say, "Well...uhh. When I found out I was pregnant, I realized I couldn't make him choose between me and his music career. And besides, he's not ready to start a family yet and I think he would give up on this baby. And he's really busy with his music career, so he wouldn't have time for this baby, I guess."
Hyun Jun says, "Okay, you think so. You know him well, don't you? But not completely. How can you know what he's going to do or not do if you haven't even told him? You haven't even given him a choice. And he must be heartbroken because he doesn't know the reason why you suddenly disappeared from his life. You're so busy thinking about his career that you haven't even thought about his feelings."
I nod and say, "Okay. I'll tell him. I'll be right back." He looks at me and says, "Wait, right now??" I nod, get up, and run after Yoongi.I run up to Yoongi and run in front of him. He stops and looks at me. Then he turns and walks around me. I say, "Yoongi oppa." He turns to me and asks, "What do you want? What, he's not as good a kisser as me? Or is he better at it? Did you come to brag to me about it now?"
I say, "No, Yoongi..." But he cuts me off and says, "You know, if you didn't want me, you could have just said it. It's not nice of you to play with my feelings. And besides, since you're with my brother, you shouldn't be kissing other people. You should think about other people's feelings."I say, "Yoongi oppa." He looks me in the eyes and asks, "Am I really just a toy for you to play with when you're bored? You were so much more than that to me. Look how things have changed. My first kiss was with you. You were...and are my first love. And you were my first best friend. When I write my songs, I always only think about you."
I look at him and he continues, "You helped me get through my depression, which was killing me, so I was there for you when you needed me. I love you. I thought you felt the same way, but it seems I was wrong. It seems like I'm just some sex toy for you."
I look away and then look back at him. Then I say, "Yah. Min Yoongi. Will you finally let me talk and listen to me? I have something to tell you." He turns completely to me and looks into my eyes. I'm suddenly overwhelmed with stress and my hands start to shake.
I say, "I...I......" I start to stutter and can't bring myself to say anything. Yoongi laughs furiously and says, "I'm going. Bye." I watch him walk away but I can't bring myself to do anything about it. I whisper and say, "I love you too." I go back to Hyun Jun and sit next to him. He says, "I understand." Then he hugs me.
Abouot a month later
I still haven't gotten around to telling Yoongi that I'm pregnant. As usual, I'm sitting at work with music on my headphones. I have the radio on and the usual music I've heard a million times, when suddenly a new song comes on. I immediately recognize the voice and start listening to the words. It's Yoongi's new song Set Me Free.
I remember Yoongi's words when he said he thinks about me when he writes songs. It hurts me to think about him letting go, but I understand that it will be better. But I figure I'll let him go after I finally tell him the truth. I write Geum Jae a message.
Me. I can't. I have to tell him. I have to confess. I can't keep hurting him.GJ. (Geum Jae). I thought you didn't want to make him choose between her and his job. And that he wouldn't have time for you. That's what you told me.Me. But it's not fair to him either. What if I'm wrong? Maybe I'm wrong and he'll actually be happy? I have to give him a choice too.GJ. As you wish. When will you do it?Me. Today. Otherwise I'll never get over it. Because otherwise I've known for two months, and he doesn't even know what's going on. And that's what's bothering me. His hurt.GJ. Ok, gotcha. See you later then.
I put the phone down and take a breath.
A few hours later
When I finish work, Geum Jae comes and picks me up from work, then drives to BigHit. He looks at me and asks, "Are you ready?" I shake my head and feel my heart beating very fast.He squeezes my hand and says, "You can do it. But if you want, we can still turn around and not do it." I look at him and say, "Oppa. I already know that you don't want him in my life and the baby's life, but he's the father of the child and I'm not being fair to him right now. Besides, he's your little brother. You should support his happiness."
He says, "I want to...Really. But if I have to choose between your happiness and his happiness, then I'll choose yours. Even though he's my little brother, I'm much closer to you, so your happiness is more important to me." I say, "I know. And that's not fair to him either." We get out of the car and enter the company.
I look at my noticeable baby bump and take a deep breath. Then we head for the stairs. Geum Jae says, "Don't want to use the elevator? Will it be too hard for you to take the stairs?" I say, "I hope it's okay. Besides, the elevator is already taken."Geum Jae nods and we start climbing the stairs. We climb the stairs after a moment and then head to the BTS dance floor. We knock on the door and go inside. The music stops and everyone looks at us. Yoongi looks pretty angry, but I ignore him.
Jimin comes over to hug me happily and I say, "Wait. Guys... I have something to say." Everyone turns to me. I take a deep breath and then when Geum Jae notices that my hands are shaking, he says, "Uhh... Min Jee is pregnant." I hear someone drop a glass bottle and break it.
Yoongi looks at me in shock. Jungkook asks, "How long?" I take a deep breath and say, "I'm four months pregnant right now." Jimin looks at me and asks, "Is that why you didn't let me hug you? Because you didn't want me to feel your belly before you broke the news?" I nod.He's hugging me now and congratulating me. Everyone is congratulating us except Yoongi. He looks at me and Geum Jae and storms out of the room angrily. Namjoon asks, "Who's the father, if I may ask? Is it Geum Jae hyung?"Geum Jae says, "Come closer. We need to tell you something." Everyone comes closer and Geum Jae looks at me. I nod my head as if to show him that he can speak. Geum Jae whispers quietly, "It's Yoongi's child. But Min Jee is afraid to tell him because she's afraid he'll give up on her and the baby."
I say, "I don't want to make him choose between me and his job. And besides, he won't have time for me and this baby. I'm also afraid it'll ruin our relationship. Because we're not even together. How would he react to the news that I'm pregnant with his child? He's not ready for it and I don't want to force him into it."
Jin says, "But you don't know 100% that he'll give up on the child." I say, "I've thought about it." Geum Jae stands up and says, "I'll get you some water, okay?" I nod and smile.Then, as he leaves, I say, "Actually, I'm going to tell Yoongi the truth today. But I'm going to ask you. Pretend you don't know it's his child. I don't want him to be under any pressure from anyone else. And don't tell Geum Jae oppa that I'm going to tell Yoongi the truth either. He just doesn't want Yoongi in the baby's life because he doesn't want Yoongi to hurt me or the baby."They nod and I sit down on the ground because I'm tired. The guys join me on the ground and we start talking. A few minutes later, Yoongi comes back into the room and then Geum Jae comes in with a bottle of water. Yoongi sits in the corner of the room and pretends to be on the phone, but I can see that he's looking at me.
Jimin says, "Can I?" He looks at my stomach, I smile and nod. He gently touches my stomach and smiles. Each of the guys touches my stomach a little. I laugh at them, then I look at Geum Jae and ask, "Can I have a snack, please?"
He laughs and then says, "Guys, don't be surprised by her food and snacks, okay?" The guys nod, then Geum Jae takes out a box of ice cream from her bag. It seems normal to them, but then he opens the box.
There's ice cream in there (obviously), but the ice cream has sliced pickles inside and there's a white powder on top of it all. Hoseok asks, "What's that white powder on top of it all?" Geum Jae and I look at each other and I start eating my ice cream.
Geum Jae smiles and says, "Uhh, chalk." The guys say together, "Eww. What the hell, Min Jee??" I laugh, but Geum Jae smiles and says, "We talked to the doctor about it, he said it's common. Well, at least she doesn't want cigarette ash and regular ash or dirt. The doctor said that pregnant women ask for it more often than chalk."
Jin says, "As delicious as it looks, it sounds absolutely disgusting." I say, "Taste it. It's actually not bad. I'll take the chalk off." Jin opens his mouth and I put some cucumber ice cream in his mouth. He says, "Eh, you can survive on this."
I see Yoongi looking at me very intently, but I ignore it. The guys are watching me eat my special ice cream with interest. I spend the rest of the evening with the guys. Soon they go to their apartment and Yoongi goes to his separate apartment because he doesn't want to hear BTS talking about me and my pregnancy.
I let Geum Jae drive me home and then I get ready and drive to Yoongi's apartment. When I get to his apartment, I ring the doorbell and feel my heart pounding with stress.
