Lost In The Darkness

Chapter~22

A/N: GUYS! I EDITED NICOLE'S NAME TO NICOLO IN ALL THE CHAPTERS BECAUSE I FORGOT IT WAS NICOLO..IF ANY OF YOU SEE ME WRITING NICOLE AGAIN, I WANT YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR AND POINT IT OUT. THANK YOU❤❤

Vanessa's Pov:

DAMINOUCHE:

Van? Are you okay? I'm seriously worried.

EM_&_N:

Sis! At least just text us or something. We are worried sick. I know what day it's, Just be strong.

DAMINOUCHE:

We are here for you. I would have been over there but since I know you really well, I know you like to be alone these days.

EM_&_N:

We are here. We will get through this together but at least just text us, so we know you're not doing anything stupid like last time.

DAMINOUCHE:

Yeah! We almost lost you and that day when I thought I lost you, I was so hurt, and I didn't know what to do because I don't know how I'll survive without the only person that ever understood me and loved me for who I'm. I know Emma is also there, but You are different. You're like this amazing person who is my best friend and soul sister who don't show that she cares, but you do. You do care for us. I love you Vanessa. You're my sister just promise us you won't do anything stupid.

EM_&_N:

Van, I can't go through that again. Just remembering that gives me goosebumps just know that both me and Damien are nothing without our Van. You complete us. We love you to the moon and back.

NUCKING_FUTZ:

Guys! I love you both too, and I promise I won't do anything stupid but now stop texting me. I want to be alone. OK?

EM_&_N:

Thank God you texted. I was this close to have a panic attack! I love you Van. Now I won't text. Bye.

DAMINOUCHE:

We love you! Bye. YOU'LL SURVIVE THIS! YOU'RE THE QUEEN AFTER ALL!

I turned my mobile off and tossed it on the night stand.

It's been two days since mine and Lucas's date. The date went perfectly amazing. We gazed at the stars and talked. When it was getting late, I dropped him back to his place but not before kissing his forehead.

I came back to Nicolo, Armano, Emma and Damien in my room which was completely rubbished.

THEY ALL HAD A SLEEPOVER IN MY ROOM BECAUSE THEY WANTED DETAILS.

I sighed as I remembered what day is today.

Today is Adriana's sixth death anniversary which means it's also my both daughters' birthday.

This and the Sophia's death day is the only thing that I find difficult to survive.

It's already six in the morning and I didn't sleep for a second. All I am hoping is that I don't do anything stupid again as I did four years ago.

Flashback (Trigger warning)

Why is this so hard? I thought drinking today will make me numb, but it didn't. All I can think about is what if they both were here? I miss Sophia's laugh, giggle and everything. I wish that Adriana was alive. I never even got to hear her cries. I gave birth to a lifeless daughter. There is nothing painful in this world than that. I tried. I fucking tried so hard to be the amazing mother for Sophia. But she also left me alone. I lost both my daughters. Why God? Why am I the only one who have to face this cruelty of losing my children? What was my fault? I never got the love of a mother. I never felt protected. I can't do this any more. It is so hard to even think that I've to survive without them. I don't want to live any more. If this is how life is, It's better if I'm dead.

I drank the whole bottle of bourbon and slammed the bottle on the table breaking it into many pieces.

I grabbed the largest piece of glass and hold it over my wrist.

I then started to slit my wrist deeply, but I didn't felt any pain. I saw blood oozing out, but I didn't stop. I slit again on my other hand cutting it deeply.

It will be all over soon. I'll meet my daughters. I don't have to live in pain any more were the last thoughts of me before I heard someone screaming and everything went black.

_________Flashback over__________

I dragged myself out of the bed and went to have a shower. I turned the shower on and closed my eyes as they were getting glossy.

“Why did you take them away from me God?” I said as I punched the wall in frustration and anger.

“Why not taking my life? They didn't even do anything! They were just born” I said as I kept punching. My knuckles were bleeding out, but I didn't stop. I couldn't.

“I am a monster, but I'm still alive. They were not and you took them from me”.

“The only light I had in my dark world”

I fell on my knees and sobbed. I looked at my knuckles which were bloody, but I can't feel the pain except the most tormenting pain in my heart.
The pain of a mother who lost her two daughters. A mother who couldn't protect her daughters.

I sighed and controlled my sobs. I turned the shower off and tied my robe after wearing it.

I stand in front of the mirror and stared into my broken eyes. They were bloodshot by all the crying. I only saw suffering in those eyes fuelling my anger. I couldn't look anymore, so I punched the mirror breaking it. The shreds of mirror piercing and digging into my fist.

FUCKING CONTROL YOURSELF VANESSA!

YOU MADE A PROMISE, DON'T BREAK IT! WE DON'T MADE FUCKING FALSE PROMISES.

GET YOURSELF FUCKING TOGETHER

NO YOU ARE A MONSTER, YOU COULDN'T EVEN SAVE YOUR OWN DAUGHTERS! YOUR MOTHER HATED YOU! YOU WERE JUST A FUCKING BURDEN, KILL YOURSELF. YOU'LL BE AT PEACE.

YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY. DAMIEN, EMMA, NICOLO, ARMANO LOVES YOU! BE STRONG. FOR YOURSELF. FOR LUCAS.

I've to be strong for myself. Many lives depend on me. If I die, many people will lose their job. They'll suffer.

That was all it took for me to get myself together.
______________________________________

A/N: Here is another chapter for you guys❤ Enjoy Lovelies! You all are best❤❤

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by,

Satans_lil_sis❤