The Lost Chance

Camila's Diary

   The next morning Camila got up early, she had to study for her class that afternoon. Fabian got bored watching her study, so he went through one of the books she had laying around. It was opened on a page, so Fabian started reading it. When Camila realized what book Fabian was reading she quickly closed it shut.

   "Why? It's interesting." Fabian complained.

   "It's my diary. Privacy Fabian." Camila replied.

   "Well I could've guessed that, it talks about a boy in your class, so obviously it's your diary, but I have been around you for a while and I've never seen you admit to having a love life, so this is interesting." Fabian commented.

   "First of all, I wrote that in sixth grade. And second, I don't have a love life, I stopped falling in love because I decided to only give my heart for the one and only. It shows how loyal I am."  Camila explained.

   "What if your one and only never come?" Fabian asked, trying to remain subtle.

   "He will, I trust he will. There is no way he would abandon me in this life, I stayed alive for him, and he should stay alive for me." Camila answered. "Now, if you'll excuse me I have to study. Why don't you do whatever you used to do before I started seeing you."

    Fabian pouted then mumbled: "I would look weird if I did." Then he asked: "It's boring here, plus I am interested to know more about you. Isn't that the first step in friendship?"

   "It is, but you have been watching me for months Fabian, I think you discovered enough. And if there's anything you want to know, I finish my class at two, so you would have all afternoon." Camila replied as Fabian sighed.

   Fabian waited for Camila to finish her class, and when they got home he asked: "So, do you have siblings?"

   Camila sarcastically smiled: "You have been watching me for months stalker, have you seen any siblings around?"

   Fabian replied: "I guess that's fair."

   "Plus shouldn't I be the one asking? You kind of have been keeping track of me all these months, you're more of my diary than the diary it's self." Camila pointed out.

   Fabian thought about Camila's words then answered: "That's also fair, what do you want to know?"

   "Well I already know you have a sister and a cousin, and that you love music, but what was your life like?" Camila asked.

   "It wasn't perfect, my family used to put a lot of pressure on me, because I was the future 'man of the house'. Lena was like my adopted sister, and even though she was a few days older than me, she was treated as if she was younger. So I had the spotlight pointed on me my whole life. It got stressful after a while, and that caused me to develop insecurities and stuff." Fabian replied.

   "I get that." Camila commented. "I am an only child, so technically I am always under the spotlight. Where would I hide anyways. But at least you had a sister and cousin that loved you, I don't feel that sibling love because I don't have any. And even though I have cousins too, I know that they have other cousins and family."

   "I honestly never thought of it that way, I guess you discover a lot after you die. How much you mattered." Fabian frowned.

   "Honestly, I feel like you didn't want to die. It must've been a sudden death, I am sorry about that. You know, since you know a lot about me, I will tell you a secret." Camila spoke. 

   "What is it?" Fabian asked, looking as curious as ever.

   "I wanted to die once, but I didn't. It's funny how we take life for granted sometimes, I didn't want to live, even to the point I wished I was never born in the first place." Camila confessed.

   "Then why did you stay alive?" Fabian questioned.

   "Why do you think? Suicide is selfish, my parents wouldn't get over it and my soulmate would be lonely for life. If I died, then I would have left a lot behind, so I held on. Even though it hurt, I knew that it was the right thing. Soldiers die in war and don't get a chance to see their future for the safety of us citizens, it would be extra selfish to tell them that they died in vain. There is always a reason to live." Camila explained.

   Camila's words slashed through Fabian like a sword. He knew that Camila must have been in a lot of pain to wish that she wasn't born in the first place, but she stayed alive. She was selfless enough to consider her loved one's emotions, but he wasn't. He knew that he hurt his sister more than anyone else, he had Franny to live for at least, Camila didn't have a sister to live for, but she lived. He realized how selfish he was that day, he really did do the wrong thing, and he hurt Camila in return. The girl who was waiting for him, was going to be left alone for life, she waited for him, she lived for him, but he didn't do the same.

   "Was it too much?" He heard, "I am sorry, it must be insensitive of me to say things like that when you obviously..." Camila couldn't finish her words because she didn't want to point out that he was dead.

   "No, it's fine. I am just glad that you survived." Fabian replied.

   "Really? Because you're crying again." Camila pointed out.

   Fabian didn't realize that he was crying, her words must've really affected him. "Oh, it's fine, I was just remembering my sister." Fabian parried.

   "Do ghosts even cry? I mean you don't have a body to generate tears." Camila asked.

   "I am as surprised as you are." Fabian laughed. "I had no idea that I could cry, or even be seen. But apparently miracles do happen."

   "Miracles can happen, you never know, maybe you'll find what you're looking for and finally be free of living in-between two worlds." Camila smiled. "Not that you are a burden on me, but I would like to see you finally happy."

   It was those moments that made Fabian realize why Camila was his soulmate. She was so selfless to put his happiness in front of hers. He knew that without him, Camila would go back to talking to her imaginary friends, and she was ready to go back to that to see him happy. It was hard for him to understand why a girl like Camila would hate her life enough to be suicidal. Camila was so rare to find in the world, someone so selfless and loving, even towards someone she just met.