A Drop in the Ocean

Chapter 7

"And who are you, little mister?" I said to the Siamese kitten I held in my hands as I sat on Lindsey and Paul's couch in their new apartment on the coast in Sydney.  It was pretty fancy.

"That's Sherlock," Lindsey told me as she set a relish tray of vegetables on the coffee table.  The pillows sitting next to me were blue and white, which was basically the theme of the entire room.  Paul was leaning up against the door frame leading into the kitchen.

"Why Sherlock?" I asked while the kitten curled up in my arms.  

"Because he has no regard for people or furniture," Paul replied.  I laughed.  Sherlock was one of my favorite shows, and Benedict Cumberbatch was one of my favorite actors.

"Miss Connelly?" Lindsey said to me in a British accent.  She had a bit of an Australian accent, but not much of one, although Paul was very Australian.

"Yes, Miss Blake?" I replied, returning the accent.  She stood and stuck her hand out towards me.

"Would you like a tour of this lovely flat?" she inquired.  I could practically see Paul rolling his eyes from the corner of mine.

"I would love that," I said and took her hand.  We looped arms, and she took me to the dining room, which was basically just a small section of the kitchen with a table in it.  It looked quite lovely, I will say.  We then ventured out towards the balcony overlooking the ocean.  "It's gorgeous out here," I told her.  "I don't even want to know what rent is on this place."

"Don't bring it up around Paul," she warned in a whisper.  "He'll look like he's having a panic attack."  I chuckled, and we went back inside.  Sherlock followed us down a short hallway that led to Paul and Lindsey's bedroom.  The headboard on the bed was wooden, and the walls were painted white, pairing with the white comforter and sheets on the bed.  Above the bed was a white canvas with the words "you are my bucket list" written in cursive in the middle.

"Oh my gosh, Lindsey," I gasped in awe.  It looked so lovely.  She sat on the bed in pride.  

"I know," she chuckled.  "I should've been an interior designer." 

"Geez, you should at least make the bed once in a while," I joked.  She smirked at me.

"Well, I would've but I woke up a bit late.  Paul and I were breaking it in last night," she smiled.  

"Oh God!" I exclaimed.  I covered my ears.  "I didn't need to know that!"  She just laughed and took my hand, leading me to the bathroom, which would definitely be handy to know.  Across the hall was the office where Paul would be spending a lot of time.  Finally, she led me to a room at the end of the hall.  It was a nice room, but it seemed very teenager-y.

"What's this room for?" I asked as I walked inside.  Lindsey leaned against the wall next to the door.

"You," she replied.  I spun around wide-eyed and surprised.  

"Me?" I exclaimed.  Paul came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her.  

"Yeah.  We wanted to make sure that you had a place to stay if you can't make it home because of a nervous breakdown or you're drunk," Paul told me.  I opened my mouth in fake hurt.  They laughed.

"And if mom and dad become a bit too much.  You can always come here to talk, stay the night, or just be alone.  We will always respect your choice," Lindsey added.  I felt the tears well up in my eyes as a smile crept onto my face.  I walked over and hugged the both of them.  

******

We finished playing "Heartbreak Girl", and I will admit, it sounded much softer and more romantic with the keyboard.  It's different not doing lead vocals, but I love the boys anyways.  They are all super hilarious, although Luke always seems so quiet and serious.

"Good job guys!" Calum cheered when it was over.  I felt as though I knew these guys more than I knew myself, but they know almost nothing about me.  They don't know why the band broke up.  They don't know about the antidepressants or the fact that I attempted to commit suicide once.  But, they know my personality.  They don't need to know my past.

"You alright, Jordan?" I heard a voice say.  I looked up to see Luke looking at me with a concerned face.  

"Yeah, I'm just really tired," I told him with a chuckle.  I didn't tell him that Paxil wasn't really working for me.  I felt as though my depression was worse, and my anxiety was back.

"Do you guys want to watch a movie?" Ashton asked all of us.  They all looked at me with hopeful eyes.  Sometimes, I felt as though they looked at me as a motherly figure just because I'm a girl.  

"I'm game.  What are we going to watch?" I said, and they all cheered.  Boys.  Ashton jumped over to the DVD rack and picked out Iron Man.  We all curled up on the couch.  Michael sat on the end next to Calum who was sitting next to Ashton.  I sat in between Ashton and Luke.  The movie started out with Tony Stark in a convoy moving in a middle eastern country.  There was an explosion.

I suddenly couldn't breathe.  The same thing happened to my mom.  My mom was in that.  She exploded.  I started taking shallow breaths.  I couldn't get enough oxygen.  I couldn't breathe.  I stood up and paced frantically while clawing at my chest.  

The boys all stood up.  I fell to the ground.  I curled up in a ball and continued to claw at my chest.  I could faintly hear the boys asking what was wrong.  I couldn't see.  I realized that I had closed my eyes.  They were closed tight, and I couldn't open them.  I felt arms around me.  I don't know whose they were until I heard a faint voice above me.  Luke.  Someone was yelling at someone else to call an ambulance and get a paper bag.  

Before I could hear any more, my vision went black.