A Drop in the Ocean

Chapter 22

After Christmas morning, which was fantastic, I decided I needed to talk to Brian about my plans to leave.  Although I had told the boys that I was going to be coming back after New Year’s, I was hoping to get back a little before then to surprise them.  But I had only discussed this with Brian.  I hadn’t told him I was actually leaving early.
 
“Hey, Brian?” I called into his open door on the morning two days after Christmas.  He was sitting on his bed, trying desperately to put on his socks.  Because the bed was so far off the ground, he was having many difficulties and resorted to lying down on the bed and contorting his body in a surprising shape to finally slip them on his cold feet.  He jolted up to find me watching him from the doorway.  He gave quite an innocent yet embarrassed look that made me laugh. 
 
“Yes, Jordan?” he asked, seeming as though nothing happened.  I gave him a look but then continued on with my thoughts.
 
“You know how I was planning on leaving early?” I told him.  He nodded, but then a look of confusion spread across his face.  “To spend New Year’s with the boys?” I clarified.  Finally, the confusion left, and he nodded again.
 
“Are you leaving soon?” he asked.  I nodded and sat down in the chair near the window.
 
“Tomorrow, actually,” I replied.  His eyes widened as his face filled with disappointment.
 
“Oh, I didn’t realize it would be that soon,” he mumbled, discontent lacing his voice.  I sat up and stepped over to his bed and pulled him into my arms. 
 
“I’ve loved spending this time with you.  We’ve gotten to spend a lot of time together.  About three weeks, actually.  I wish we could spend more, but I’m not going to waste a plane ticket,” I told him.  The bed trembled as he chuckled.
 
“I know.  I just always hate that you have to leave because you can’t live here,” he confessed.  I pulled him tighter into my arms. 
 
“Don’t worry.  Whenever our band finally hits it big, I’ll make sure I come and visit you whenever I’m off.  Which may be never, but you know what, we’ll make it work,” I replied, pulling out of the embrace.  His face was sad, and I wished I could change it, but I couldn’t.
 
“You’ll make it big.  I’ve heard you’re guys’ stuff on YouTube,” he smiled.  I couldn’t help but feel heat rise to my face. 
 
“Thanks,” I told him.  “Well, I better go get packed,” I stood from the bed and brushed out my pants, a habit I had no reason to break. 
 
“Get to it, soldier,” he said.  I chuckled and gave him a half-hearted salute before leaving the room.  I bounded up the stairs to see my sister playing on her phone while lying on the bed with her iPod playing one of Parachute’s albums.  I think it was “American Secrets” from The Way It Was.  I plopped down beside her.
 
“You need help packing?” she asked without looking up from her phone.  I looked over to see what she was doing to find her scrolling through Tumblr.  A funny GIF of Martin Freeman came up, and I couldn’t help but laugh.
 
“Nope, I’ve totally got it on my own,” I replied, rolling off the bed dramatically and going over to my suitcase to put all of my things in it.  Luckily, Grams and Mammy had known about my endeavor to surprise my friends, so they washed all of my clothes the day before.  I had traveled so much in my life that I was really good at packing efficiently.  I rolled up all of my shirts and jeans and stuck them in the corner.  I stuffed all of my socks in a pair of my Converse and stuffed them in the corners.  My vanity bag was already packed, and I stuffed it in the pocket on top of my bag.  I was pretty good at packing light. 
 
“So, are you gonna go visit Aimie before you go?” Rosie asked, looking up from her phone.  I zipped my suitcase shut and set it on the floor.
 
“Yep, I’m gonna head out now and say goodbye,” I replied, sitting down on the bed and putting on my boots.
 
“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” she mumbled, but I heard her.  I quickly turned around to face her.
 
“What?” I cried.  She looked at me with sad eyes but a face that said she wasn’t happy.  At all.
 
“You heard me.  I always hate how you leave us so early.  Always rushing off to see God knows who,” she snapped.  I was shocked.  I had never really heard my sister be this angry with me, at least not for a while.
 
“What do you mean running off to see God knows who?” I asked, my blood instantly boiling with anger.
 
“Oh, come on.  It’s not like you haven’t done this before.  Always leaving to see Aaron or Spencer or Peter or Aimie.  You’ve always done it, and you always will.  We just aren’t good enough for you,” she retorted, her face twisted in a snarl.
 
“Really?  Because last I recall, you’re the one who decided it was best to move across the fucking country to go to college when there are perfectly good colleges all along the eastern seaboard.  And don’t act like you didn’t ever leave a family get-together to hang out with friends because you know as well as I do that you did and if you say you don’t, then you are a fucking liar,” I snapped back.  She scowled, and I know damn well that I returned it with everything I had.  We hadn’t fought this hard in a long time, and I was surprised to find that I still had it in me.  Once witty, always witty.
 
“Fine, then.  Leave.  See if I give a fuck,” she relented, throwing her hands up with her phone in them, her phone landing safely near the end of the bed.
 
“I will leave.  I hope you have a fan-fucking-tastic New Year’s, and don’t bother to call.  Because I won’t answer.”  I ripped tugged my suitcase off the bed and set it angrily on the floor.  I grabbed my coat off the chair and shoved my phone and keys into my pockets.  I gave her one last scowl before lifting my suitcase off the floor and stomping over to the stairs.
 
“Have fun with your best friend while the rest of us sit here with family,” she yelled as I started going down the steps.  I turned back around to face her.
 
“Oh, don’t worry.  I will,” I replied smugly and quickly turned on my heel to go back down the stairs.  Once I made it to the hallway, Brian stepped out of his room. 
 
“Everything okay?” he asked.  I shook my head.
 
“Not really.  Change of plans.  I’m going to leave and head over to Denver so I can get to my flight.  I’m going to spend the night tonight,” I told him, not stopping but letting him follow me as I made my way downstairs.
 
“Oh, okay.  I guess I can’t argue with you and get you to stay longer,” he said.  I stopped and turned to face him.
 
“She is unreasonable, petty, and irrational,” I declared with rage lacing my voice.  He nodded.
 
“I know.  But she is your sister,” he responded.  I groaned.
 
“I’m so sick of this ‘they’re-your-family’ shit.  I am aware that she is my sister.  And right now, I can’t stand to be around her.  So, I’m going to leave.  I’m going to say goodbye to Aimie, Drew, and David.  If Elsa’s there, cool.  I say goodbye to her too.  But right now, I’m leaving because I am slowly losing my sanity being around her for this long.  Is that alright with you?” I asked rhetorically.  He nodded vigorously.  I gave him a curt nod back.  “Alright then.  I will call you when I get to Denver.”  I started to go down the stairs, but he grabbed my arm.  Before I could stop him, he pulled me into a bear hug, possibly attempting to squeeze out all of my organs.
 
“I don’t like you leaving angry, but I know that you don’t want to be here,” he said into my hair.  “I love you, and I’ll miss you.”  I suddenly felt selfish.  It wasn’t anyone else’s fault that my sister and I were unreasonable.
 
“I’m sorry.  But I do have to go.  I love you too, and I’ll miss you,” I replied, finally breaking the hug.  He gave me a small and sad smile before I saluted him and went down the stairs.  Meeting Grams and Mammy at the bottom of the stairs, I gave them huge hugs.
 
“Oh, dear Jordan, it has been so nice spending time with you,” Mammy told me.  I couldn’t help but smile.
 
“I have loved being here.  It’s always fun,” I told her.  “Thanks for the gifts and the tea and everything.  I love it.”
 
“And we love you,” Grams replied.  My smile got larger. 
 
“And I love you too,” I beamed.  Getting in one last small hug, I went out the door, setting the suitcase in the very back.  Once I got in the car, I gave one last look at the house to notice my sister standing at the window in the attic, watching me leave.  I gave her a small apologetic smile and a wave that she greatly returned.  I put the car in reverse and pulled out onto the main road, going to see my best friend that I would hopefully get to see again.