A Drop in the Ocean

Chapter 36

We were currently in a restaurant in Montreal.  Luke hadn't been speaking to me much, which wasn't anything new, but it seemed to be more than usual.  Niall was with us.  To be perfectly honest, I'm pretty sure that he'd love to join our band.  Liz didn't come to dinner with us tonight, but Adeline sat attached to Luke's hip.  I gave them a look from across the table but looked back down at my menu immediately once Luke's eyes met mine.  This was a small Italian restaurant, and it was absolutely adorable.  I was extremely excited for the food, but we had just sat down.  Our waiter hadn't even joined us yet.

As if on cue, a fairly young man came over to our table, dressed in a white button up shirt and black pants, as was obviously the uniform.  He began to speak to us in French.  Mikey knew a little bit of French, which I knew, but he was having trouble with what the waiter was saying.  I looked at him, and instantly understood.  (Note:  Italicized dialogue is in French.  Thanks!)

"How are you this evening?  My name is Byron.  I will be your waiter," he began.  "Can I start you off with a drink?" 

I looked at the boys and Adeline.  They were all puzzled.  I rolled my eyes.

"What do you want to drink?" I asked.  They all told me, and I translated it back to the waiter.

"The two lovebirds will have lemonade.  The one with the crazy hair will have a Pepsi.  The dark haired one will have raspberry lemonade.  The one with fluffy hair will have water.  The Irish lad will have a Peroni.  And I'll have an iced tea," I told him.  He looked surprised.

"You speak French?" he asked.  I nodded.

"Do you speak English?" I asked him.  He shook his head.  That made some things difficult.  "That's fine.  I can help to translate."  He gave me a smile and nodded, turning and heading back to get our drinks. 

"That was pretty cool," Cal said.  I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, you said you speak French, but I didn't know you were fluent," Mikey chuckled.  I punched him on the shoulder.

"If you'd like some help, just ask," I told him.  

"I'd like some help with this menu, if you don't mind," Niall said, furrowing his brow at the booklet in front of him.

"Do you guys want an appetizer?  We could get the smoked mozzarella fonduta?" I suggested.

"What's that?" Ash asked.  I looked at the menu, read it over, and finally had a general translation in my head.

"'Oven-baked smoked mozzarella, provolone, parmesan, and romano cheese.  Served with Tuscan bread,'" I told them.  The moan Niall made scared me.  I looked over at him, an eyebrow raised.  He blushed and gave everyone a look.

"What?  It sounds delicious," he told us.  I laughed.  

"Okay, well, most of the names are the same, so it shouldn't be too difficult for you to figure anything out.  If you want help with the description, just ask.  I can help.  And Mikey probably can too," I said, nudging Mikey's shoulder.  He gave me a smile.  The waiter came back, giving me a small grin before setting the drinks to the right spots.  He looked over to me.

"Would you like an appetizer?" he asked.  I nodded and told him about the smoked mozzarella fonduta.  He nodded, smiling.  "I'll bring that out for you," he said, giving me a wink.  I giggled.  Like a freaking school girl.  What the hell is wrong with me?  I went to put my straw in my drink and noticed Luke.  He jaw was clenched and his eyes were hard.  I furrowed my brow in confusion.  I went back to my menu.  Finally, once Byron had come back, setting the appetizer in the center of the table, we had all decided on a dish.

"What can I do for your main course?" he asked us.

"A lasagna classico.  Fettuccine alfredo.   A ravioli portobello.  Cheese ravioli.  Chicken abruzzi.  Mediterranean grilled trout.  And the chicken and shrimp carbonara," I told him.  He gave me a small smile.  

"Salad or soup?" he asked.  

"Soup or salad, kids?" I asked.  I heard mumbles of salad, so that's what we got.

"Alright.  I'll bring those right out, beautiful," he said, turning with a smile.  I couldn't help but blush while looking down at my hands.  Mikey leaned over to me and nudged my arm.  

"He just called you beautiful," he whispered in my ear, chuckling.  I rolled my eyes, but a smile was spread across my face.  We all began to dig into our appetizer.  A waitress came and brought our salads out, and I was actually disappointed that it wasn't Byron.  We dug in, enjoying the vinaigrette and cheese over top.  

"So, Jordan, how was your hometown?" Niall asked me, once he finished his salad.  

"Great!  I did a show in my uncle's bar, and I met his new girlfriend.  And before I left, I said hi to my Grams.  And I didn't get a chance to visit any of my old friends, but that might happen later.  Maybe after tour is over," I answered.  "That reminds me, I haven't gotten a wedding invitation to Brooklinn and Aaron's wedding.  I wonder when they will have a date," I thought aloud.  

"Oh, Brooklinn and Aaron were the ones we met in the hospital!" Ash cheered, pointing his fork at me in revelation.  Niall and Adeline both gave confused looks.  

"You were in the hospital?" Adeline asked.  I rolled my eyes.  

"It was just an anxiety attack.  I'm fine.  And I'm not even on my meds!"  I cheered.  Cal gave me a high-five from across the table, and Mikey did a little whoop.  I couldn't help but let a huge smile take my face.

"Meds for what?" Adeline asked, still oblivious.  I looked over at Mikey and gave him the biggest eye roll I could muster.  I turned back to her, giving her a pained smile.

"Depression.  And anxiety.  And PTSD," I told her.  She furrowed her brow.

"From what?" she continued.  I clenched my jaw.  Did she really just?

"Are you fucking kidding me?  Do you think explaining why I have depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder to you is going to help me any?" I snapped, rhetorically.  Her eyes widened in surprise.  Luke gave me a look.  I reflected it.

"Don't worry about it, Addy.  I'll tell you later," Luke muttered to her, but I could still hear.

"No, Luke.  You're not going to fucking tell her," I told him.  Both of them looked at me.  

"And why not?" he questioned.  I rolled my eyes, anger boiling up through my veins.

"Because that information is something I reserve for friends.  And I hate to break it to you, Adeline, but we are not friends.  We will never be friends.  And I will never tell you why I feel like shit most of the time.  The only person at this table who knows everything is your dick of a boyfriend, and the only reason he knows is because I was drunk off my ass," I whisper-shouted, not wanting to cause a scene.  

"What do you mean we aren't friends?" Adeline asked, her voice small.

"We are exact opposites.  I don't like you.  I tolerate you, but if I spend any more than an hour in your presence, I feel the sudden urge to maim and kill myself.  You.  Repel.  Me.  I used to spend time with girls like you, and I realized real quick that that was a mistake," I snapped.  I could notice the boys suddenly getting worried at my outburst.  But it's better she hear it from me and not them.  I could see the tears welling up in her eyes, and Luke's arm went around her.   I gave him a glare, and his jaw was clenched, again.  Byron suddenly came over with our plates, but I couldn't handle it.  I shoved Mikey out of the booth with my arms and stood up next to Byron.  Mikey sat back down and handed me my bag.  I grabbed a hundred dollar bill and handed it to Mikey.  

"What's this for?" he asked me, holding the bill up in confusion.

"My meal.  I'm not eating, but thanks for bringing it.  Goodnight to all of you," I told them, my voice snappy and sharp.  I could see a tear slowly sliding down Adeline's face, but I felt no remorse.  Is this what I was like on antidepressants?  Empty?  Sharp?  Emotionless?  Filled with no compassion or empathy?  I turned from the table, but Byron grabbed my arm.

"This is my last table, sweetheart.  Would you like to go out after my shift?" he asked me, his eyes pleading.  I gave him a small smile.

"That would be wonderful.  But I cannot stay.  Will you meet me Parc Jean-Drapeau?" I asked him.  The park was not far from here and next to the river.  It would get me away from all of them for a while.  He gave me a smile and nodded.  I leaned over and kissed his cheek before turning to leave.  

"Where are you going?" Cal called out.  

"Don't worry.  I have my phone," I told him, holding up my cell phone to show him.  He visibly sighed, and I suddenly felt bad, but I couldn't go back now.  I stepped out of the restaurant and into the warmth of the Montreal night, waiting for what else it may bring.