Endlessly (Lisrene)

Finale (2)

"Let's continue reading"

We're here at the cemetery, it's our angle's death anniversary. I'm still not used to it, and it hurts a lot. But I'm trying to be okay as she wanted me to be. She's always telling me when she was still here, when she's gone...I need to keep going. And here I am, standing infront of her. I didn't realised that it's been over a year since the day she left us. I'm looking at Irene unnie, I know her pain. Up until now she's still crying over my sister, I know how hard that is for her. She was her everything, their relationship was a waste, they were so perfect. She finally went infront of my sister graveyard and put down her favorite flower as Irene unnie sat infront of her gravestone. She took a deep breath

"I lost my heart exactly on this date when God called you home" Her voice cracked. I wanted to hug her but instead I hugged my girlfriend.

"It's been over a year but it feels like yesterday...my love. I miss you so much" She sniffles. I can feel her pain, I looked away. I don't want to watch her like this. I know how hard that is for her.

"I can still feel our last kiss, the last time you held my hand, I can still feel everything Love and it breaks me because I can still see your face when you were about to leave me...hate it. I want to be with you, I miss being around you, I miss hearing your voice" I pulled away from Yeji and sat beside her sister. I handed my handkerchief, she smile sadly and accepted it.

"I know if you could, you would have stayed forever" She's damn right. She's always telling me, Lisa doesn't want to leave her, but she has to.

"But I'm sure you're in a better place now. But it pains and hurts me because you can't share your thoughts with me anymore. We can't never be what we were. I remember the heaviness that came with the realization that you were truly gone, our fairytale is done and there's nothing I could do about it" I hold her right hand, and squeeze it. I can feel her pain, and it kills me.

"I'm wondering what to do in my life now, you were my everything Love. You're the beat of me. But everytime I'm down, I know Love you're with me...Hugging me. I can feel it, it feels so familiar. I know you're not here physically but I can still feel your love. It seems like you're still here but not the same. I miss you so much Love. Everyday I crave to see you, to smell you, to feel you, to see you smile, to hear your voice, missing you always my wife. I will carry you with me till I see you again, Love. Please prepare yourself for that day Love, because I'm going to run as fast as I can to hug you and we will keep living at the best we can" Hearing this from her, Irene unnie won't find another one even though the last words of my sister wanted her to have a partner who will stay with her forever.

"I can't wait to see you Love. I know you're watching me up there, and that's just so unfair because I can't be able to see you like you do. But I know, soon we'll see each other"

"I dreamt of you last night, I thought it was real. We were up there, watching our loves ones here. I know you want me to continue my life, but if you ask me...I'd rather want what I've dreamt about rather than missing you because it kills me everyday. I used to be with you all the time. I miss my home, love" She sobs. I smile knowing my sister is still visiting her wife in her dreams.  But I hate what Irene unnie said, I want her to live.

"But thank you for always visiting me in my dreams, love. You're always there for me, when I was about to give up, you were there. You were telling I should keep going, even it just a hug. I knew you don't like the idea of killing myself just to be with you. You have shown me so much love and up until now. Everyday is a struggle for me, and it will always be but I have to keep going. I know you're proud of me, by moving forward trying to make it day by day. You have helped me shape into a woman I am today. Because you know how to love deeper, you took care of me, looked for me and still is, you supported me in everything, you allowed me to be me, with you...my life was easier. Without you...my life is a struggle. But I'm trying Love, like you always wanted me to" She wiped her tears