One More Try

Some Things Never Change

The next morning Cissy woke early. For a second she feared that Wilf hadn't come home that night, but then she heard his characteristic snoring and felt his weight and warmth next to her. She turned around and carefully studied her fiancé's face, searching for clues on how the night before had gone. To her great relief she didn't smell alcohol. Cissy would never say it to Wilf's face, but the amount of alcohol he used to consume worried her a great deal and she lived in constant fear of a relapse. But apparently he was stone cold sober. There was just something about the morning light that came in from the window, it was a cold light, but not in a bad way. It made everything look so fresh and new, without pretences or lies. It was an honest light. Clear and fresh. Just what she needed. Looking into Wilf's face, Cissy saw that he seemed more relaxed than before. His jaw wasn't clenched, he looked peaceful. And yet he also seemed... Tired. Tired was probably the right term. He looked older than he was, like someone who had encountered many trials in his life. Poor guy. Cissy kissed his forehead and then quietly slipped out of the room to get ready. Something told her that Wilf needed to rest.

It was almost noon when he finally made his way downstairs, Cissy was already busy preparing a light lunch.
"Darling..." He yawned and stretched before he went to wrap his arms around her from behind. "You shouldn't be on your feet so long. You don't need to cook, we can order in."
"But I do enjoy cooking. And it's just so much more healthy if I do it myself." Cissy turned around and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Now be a lamb and set the table, I'm afraid you're late for breakfast, but you're just in time for lunch."
"Baaahhh. Anything for you, love." He took out plates and set the table while he listened to Cissy hum a song as she chopped some lettuce. She seemed so at peace with the world around her, but Wilf knew that she was pretending for his sake. People really didn't give her acting skills enough credit, she'd almost fooled him. But he was aware that she probably worried about his encounter with Reginald the night before.

"I should probably tell you how things went last night." He said after a while. Cissy stopped humming and looked at him. This was indeed what she wanted to know but she hadn't wanted to pry.
"If you would like to." She said calmly. Cissy knew she couldn't make a fuss, she couldn't force things even though she wanted nothing more than for things to go back to normal again.
"I... I would. Well, first of all, I had lemonade at the pub and I realised I don't even like lemonade. It's ghastly. Just... I don't know why I'm telling you this."
Wow. Talking about feelings with people who mattered while being sober was hard. Who would've thought? Not Wilf. Maybe that's why he'd turned to drinking in the past. But to Wilf's relief, Cissy didn't get annoyed or losther cool, she just smiled at him, as if she understood what was going on in his head. To be fair, she probably did, Cissy knew him like nobody else.
"Noted, that's good, more for me."
Wilf cleared his throat.
"Yes. But what I actually wanted to talk about was how things went. Honestly... Not too badly. In fact, things went well. Reg apologized and I think he meant it. We talked until the pub closed... I think we'll be fine. We really reconnected." Cissy dropped the knife she had been holding onto the cutting board and rushed to hug him.
"Wilf, darling, that is wonderful news. Thank you. I know this was hard for you." He just shrugged.
"I guess. But it's no big deal, holding grudges is childish. I want to be a father, it's time to grow up." Well, half true. It was a big deal for him and they were both aware of that.
"You might be right. Speaking of becoming a father, how do you feel about the appointment tomorrow?" Cissy felt that while they were at it, they could also address the other elephant in the room that was their upcoming appointment at the fertility clinic.
"Nervous? Excited? I mean it's getting serious. Dunno. But Cissy, I want you to remember whatever happens tomorrow..."
"We both know what happens tomorrow. It's about what happens after." To say that Cissy was nervous felt like an understatement.
"True." Wilf gave her that crooked grin she loved so much. "But whatever happens and whenever it happens. I love you. Abundantly and unconditionally."
"Only me?" Cissy whispered.
"Only you. And maybe the baby. But no other woman. If that's what you're worried about, I never loved them, I guess I was just scared of being alone, scared of silence." He shrugged but the answer didn't seem to satisfy Cissy and why would it. He'd been a notorious casanova. Of course she was insecure.
"And now? Because when we both work I won't always be around. What if you find that the silence becomes too much?"
"It's different now." Wilf stared out of the window. "You know how I never really had someone to lean on. Someone who was my home, who saw me, not my name, my fortune, my career, my public persona. I do now. I have you. I don't mind the silence anymore because I can fill it with thoughts of you. Because you do see the real me." Cissy kissed his cheek.
"Okay." She returned to the stove to get their lunch ready and Wilf sighed. One day he would be able to tell her more than just the bare minimum about his lonely childhood, but today wasn't the day. Cissy already knew what she had to know, why burden her with a knowledge that would most certainly upset her? She had really changed his life and he was grateful for it. Now it was his responsibility to make sure she was happy. And a little selfishly, Wilf thought that maybe by becoming a father, by being the father he always lacked but had so desperately wanted and needed, he could exorcise at least some of his own demons.