One More Try

The Trip

Ophelia was incredibly excited for her trip. She and her friends talked about nothing else anymore, even annoying George wasn't so annoying anymore, they all planned what they would bring and who they would sit with on the bus. The bus? Yes, the school had rented a bus with a driver to take them on their trip and drive them around at their destination. All signs were pointing to this being the "best trip ever", as Pheli put it. This would be her very first trip without her mum or dad and while she was a little worried about sleeping in a new and strange place, she knew that sharing a room with her friends would be fun. Ophelia was more than ready for what seemed like the adventure of a lifetime to her. Now that Reg was living with them, life at home was nice and cosy, there was always someone to pick her up from school, drive her to ballet class or make her snacks. It was lovely, just a little boring.
Jean however wasn't as happy and excited about letting Ophelia go. She worried about everything, from not packing the right clothes over the food not being to her daughter's liking to Ophelia being homesick and not enjoying herself. Reg teased her about it, calling her a helicopter-mum, but he would be lying if he claimed that the thought of Ophelia being gone for an entire week didn't make him sad. He enjoyed spending time with her, they had gotten to know each other really well and he started feeling like a proper father. One that stepped up and was involved in his child's life, unlike his own father who had been absent and unkind and had died early, leaving his mother to care for Reg and his younger sister. Yes, Ophelia's parents were both having a bit of a hard time letting their precious little girl go, but they knew that they had to eventually. Ophelia herself didn't notice her parents' mixed feelings, she couldn't wait and so her bag was packed Friday night, even though they wouldn't leave until Monday.
They still had a good weekend, Reg took them out to an art gallery on Saturday and they had dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards, just like a normal family. Jean secretly wished she could just preserve these moments in a jar so they would last forever because everything seemed perfect and magical to her.
"Are we getting a little sentimental?" Reg looked at her with his way too perfect, cheeky grin that he sometimes put on. How did he manage to read her like an open book?
"Maybe a little, but aren't you?" She replied, taking his hand under the table while Ophelia finished her dessert.
"I'm just enjoying the moment, Love, you'll never know when it's over." Reg squeezed her hand.
"Don't say that." She whispered, she never wanted this wonderful bubble they currently seemed to live in to burst. "We will be fine for the rest of our lives." Jean really believed in this and Reg just prayed that she was right.
On Monday they both accompanied Ophelia to school. Reg carried her bag, Jean held her daughter's hand the entire way and Pheli didn't mind, even though she usually insisted that she was a big girl. She would miss her parents, but she had promised herself that she wouldn't cry, she wasn't a baby.
Jean and Reg waved her off, they waved until the bus had disappeared behind a corner and only then Jean allowed herself to cry a little, she didn't even mind the other parents seeing it because she wasn't the only mum shedding a tear or two. It was a big step after all. Reg hated seeing her upset, so he hugged her.
"Shhh, Darling, it's alright. Pheli is going to have a wonderful time and so are we. And on Friday we'll be happy about seeing each other again"
"I suppose you are right." Jean admitted and it was true, she was at least a little excited about having Reg all to herself for a whole week. They walked home hand in hand and then spent the rest of the morning unpacking the last boxes Reg had brought from his old house. They were a little dusty because they had been in the attic the entire time, he hadn't really had the mental energy to sort through them for approximately seven years. They contained court papers from their divorce and mementos of what they called their "first" relationship.
While Reg sorted through the divorce papers, trying to decide what to keep and where to keep it, Jean opened another box. That had been a mistake. It contained photo albums and scrapbooks from their relationship, back then, Jean had returned them all to Reg, she had been so angry that he'd wanted to divorce her over her cheating. She had often regretted giving them away and had feared that Reg had thrown them out or burnt them, but there they were, in perfect condition. Jean started flipping through the pages, reliving the moments from back then. Rigoletto of course, their subsequent tours of Europe, holidays and lastly, hidden away underneath all the other books, their wedding album and some loose mementos such as place cards and dried flowers in a plastic box. Jean hadn't expected to see any of this and was taken by surprise, but she just couldn't look away. Their wedding had been wonderful, a beautiful day in late July, a small affair with only their closest friends and family. They had gotten married in a little village church, close to where Reg had grown up, his mother had welcomed Jean to the family and treated her like a daughter which had meant the world to her. After the ceremony they had celebrated in a beautiful garden, the food had been wonderful and they had danced under the stars all night long. It hadn't been the glamorous affair people would expect from someone like her, but it had been wonderful. It had been just right for them. Jean had worn a beautiful dress with a lot of lace, a veil and a headpiece made of fresh flowers that had matched her bouquet. It had been an almost perfect wedding. Jean sighed while flipping through the pages. The perfect wedding would have lead to a lasting marriage but that obviously hadn't been the case, one and a half years after the wedding they had been in court for their divorce. Why? Jean looked at the pictures of her younger self. How naive she'd been. A silly girl who'd taken vows without really understanding or meaning them. To her it just hadn't been serious, yes, she'd loved Reg with all her heart, but that hadn't stopped her from behaving selfishly and hurting not only his feelings but also her own. She kept flipping through the pictures, Reg was still busy with the court documents and didn't realise what Jean was looking at until she came to the very last page where she read in her own handwriting: "...and they lived happily ever after."
This was too much and Jean slammed the book shut which startled Reg and he looked up. Her eyes filled with tears and so she bit her lip, she really didn't want to cry again, she'd never been much of an emotional person and she didn't want to put herself in such a vulnerable position. Reg was a little confused but then he saw what Jean had been looking at.
"Oh Darling... I should have warned you they are somewhere in here. Are you okay, princess?" Reg felt bad, confronting her with these memories hadn't been his plan at all.
"No I'm not. Look at us, we were so young, we had no idea..." Now she started to cry, she couldn't keep it in anymore. "That truly was one of the happiest days of my life and I ruined everything we had. Happily ever after, I was a fool!" Reg knew that he couldn't really help her as long as she was so worked up, so he just listened to her and gave her all the space she needed to vent and deal with the feelings and thoughts the old pictures had stirred up. After a while, her initial passion had subsided and she felt exhausted from this sudden outburst. Reg opened his arms, staying calm because he knew she needed his support. Jean cuddled up to him and he stroked her back, trying to calm her down.
"Shh, it's okay now." He kissed her forehead and held her for a while. They sat in silence, they were both too busy thinking about the past and how to deal with it and looking at the album made Reg remember how happy he'd been back then. "Jean..."
"Hm?" She looked up.
"I think I want to marry you again soon. Just like you always wanted. I'm sorry I kept you waiting." He said quietly, he knew that waiting was stupid.
"I'd wait until the end of time for you, Reggie. I love you. I want to be with you, no matter how. We can be perfect together." She replied and Reg kissed her again and again. Her lips were so sweet and he wanted her to forget all her tears.
",You're perfect to me, Wife." He whispered into her ear which made Jean blush. Wife sounded great.
"And Ophelia...?" She just had to ask again, just to be sure.
"What about her?" Reg wasn't sure why she was asking.
"You know we come as a package deal?" Pheli was a part of her now, that was sure. The rational part of her knew that Reg loved his daughter but right now, rational Jean was not around.
"There's absolutely no question that she is my daughter and I love her dearly. She's my girl. My pride and joy." He reassured her Jean smiled happily. She loved how he didn't even have to think about his answer.
"But Reggie... Nobody can know I'm so soft. Or that I cry and such. That's only for us at home." Jean insisted, it was a great relief to be herself, but she couldn't ruin the public image she'd taken so long to perfect.
"I know, your secret is safe with me." Another kiss. Reg loved how they had their little secrets. Their own, special things that only they knew about.
"And you love me, no matter how soft or harsh I am?" Jean looked up to him and his smile made her heart beat faster.
"Jean, my love for you is not fragile." She sighed. He was way too good for her.
"And yet I have hurt you. Badly. I... We're doing counseling but... I don't know, I feel so bad about everything that happened back then in court and I've been in contact with my lawyers and they will undo what they can." She was trying hard to right all her wrongs as much as possible so they could have a reasonably clean slate.
"Jean, I'm not angry anymore. I was back then, and I gave as good as I got." Reg cringed internally when he thought about the divorce, the papers he'd just read had refreshed his memory in the most unpleasant way. Their divorce had been nasty.
"Do you still have the good plates we got for the wedding?" Jean teased and he grinned sheepishly. How they had fought over a set of stupid plates neither of them had actually liked or wanted.
"I might have smashed them." Reg admitted. Back then it had felt good, at least for a while, smashing the plates like she'd smashed his heart.
"I don't blame you. We can buy new ones that we like better." Once again they sat in silence for a while.
"Jean, can I ask you something?" Reg bit his lip, he just had to ask, he needed this answer to the most painful question he could imagine.
"Anything." She smiled, she didn't want any more secrets between them and was ready to tell him everything he wanted to know.
"Did you feel anything for those other men?" Jean was surprised that Reg seemed to be just as insecure about things as she was. In fact, it made her feel a little better about her own insecurities.
"No. Not at all." She said categorically, she didn't have to think about it twice. "It was just me being young and dumb and reckless. It was about cheap thrills. But nothing ever thrilled me the way you did... well do. I didn't feel anything. No love. No nothing. No thrills." He pulled her closer.
"I see." Was all he said, this felt very good to him.
"I feel thrilled with you though. I look at you and I want you so desperately. Reggie, I don't know what you have done to me, but my whole life..." He just kissed her and she kissed him back. Jean felt so safe. With him by her side, nothing could happen to her or her daughter.
"I already miss Ophelia." Reg said after a while, now that she was gone he might as well admit it.
"Me too. I hope she doesn't get homesick." Jean fiddled with the necklace Reg had given her a while back.
"Jean, Princess. She will have a wonderful time on her residential and we'll have her back safe and sound in no time."
"Of course..." She smiled and looked at him. He was so wonderful in every way.
"Swear that you will never leave us." Jean kissed his hands.
"I swear. I swear on my life." He replied and he meant it. First and foremost, his life would now be dedicated to making sure his wife and daughter were happy.
"I'm sorry, I know I need a lot of reassurance, even though it should be the other way around." Jean gave Reg an almost shy smile.
"You should talk to Dr. Bridges about that." Reg proposed and Jean sighed.
"Reggie, sometimes I almost worry that Dr. Bridges would be a better fit for you. She's brilliant and pretty and seems to understand you and your feelings so much better than I do." Reg chuckled.
"Oh Jean, Dr. Bridges is not my type, she's married and she's a trained professional, of course she understands feelings. You on the other hand are not only my type but also in a relationship with me and I adore you. It's an easy choice."
"I'm being very irrational, aren't I?" Jean looked away.
"Just a little. But it's sweet." Reg kissed her on the lips. "Look, why don't we use this week to prove to ourselves that our relationship is good and strong. We'll go on dates, we'll be seen by everyone and maybe..."
"Maybe?" His plans sounded rather intriguing to her.
"We could read poetry and cook, talk about music and art and philosophy, just like we used to." Reg smiled.
"Those were good times." Jean agreed.
"We'll have an even better time now." He promised. Reg had already made some plans so they wouldn't get bored during that week. They both looked at each other and then laughed. Loving Reg was so effortless for Jean, her heart just did, so did her mind, body and soul, without having to think. Loving him didn't hurt.
They had indeed a wonderful week, at work and at home, it almost felt like it had back when they first got together, only more stable, more settled, which was wonderful. On Wednesday they received a postcard from Pheli, addressed to both of them.