Hell And Silence

23) With Me

“Hi! I’m Jessy! Oh, you’re new! C’mon let me show you around!" She said.

Her hair was still brown, but that was gonna change later that week. I remember feeling comfortable with her.
She was fun.
We both liked Green Day and, Imagine Dragons. I freaked out a little when I saw them for the first time. Jessy and I started hang out.

I remember when she came out as bisexual. But I’ve honestly never cared.
She started dating this girl, Gwen.

I’ve never liked Gwen. She was the stereotypical lesbian, hair was short and dyed green. Flannel shirts.
Black make-up.
An attitude who was no good. Not to mention also, she had tattoos covering her arms. Gwen was two years older than Jessy.
Thankfully, she dropped out.
No, Gwen didn’t deserve Jessy, not at all!!

But Jessy was heartbroken as Gwen broke up with her.
Jessy and I grew closer.

I’ll always remember the way her eyes shined. The way her hair used to fly all over the place. The energy she had.
The way her hands moved.
Jessy, if I could only use one word to describe her, it would be ALIVE! ‘Cause after all.
After she died.
She is still alive.
Even though she’s stuck underground, Jessy is still alive and free person. I will always remember her like that. If there’s people who remember her for her suicide, it’s their loss. Because Jessy was amazing.

I now realize that all this time, I’ve also only thought about her suicide.
Being sad because of it.
Sure thing that Jessy never deserved dying like that, but. There’s nothing I can do about it. All I can do is make her last wish come true, remember all the good things about her.
All the memories.
I still have this annoying feeling of that is my fault but, I did everything I could.
As a friend.

I never pushed her to the edge. Was never mean or anything. I think it’s natural that you think it’s your fault as your friend dies.
Specially if it’s suicide.
Jessy will always be in the back of my head. Every decision I’ll ever make, her voice is still going to comment that. Hopefully not physically because then I’m just crazy.
Probably insane.
Whatever.

But she’ll always be with me. Judging everything I do. Even when I’m dying, I’m still gonna mentally hear her saying something weird that’ll make me laugh.
Not even death can prevent Jessy from spreading positivity.
Putting a smile on my pathetic face. Whenever I’ll kiss Daniel, I’ll hear her fangirling. Her talk about how we’re her best OTP except she and Wayne.

Sure, I’ll still miss her.

But Jessy will always be with me. In my memories. With a smile on her face.
Thick eyeliner.
Hair that flies all over the place. She doesn’t need to be cremated to still be able to run around. With an energy for thousands of people.
Not even death can prevent Jessy to be crazy or reminding us about her ADHD.

I fall asleep.

My alarm wakes me up. Today is school.

I rub my eyes. I slept through Sunday. Woops. Blagh, I hate school! But I get up and dress up.

Jill and the twins are eating breakfast but I don’t want breakfast. Ever since I woke up in the hospital, food makes me nauseous. So, NO THANKS!
And the hospital food was hell.

I stay in my room and listen to music.
Imagine Dragons and Green Day like always!

Here I am.
Listening to music, I prefer that much more than be with people. If people doesn’t mean Daniel, of course. I suddenly hear Daniel’s car honk.
That “woke” me up.

I hurry down the stairs, grabbing my jacket.
“Hi,” I say as I enter the car.
“Hey,”

He put on “X-Kid” as he drives. Our song. An Green Day song.
I love him.