Hell And Silence

2) Stupid Life

Mr.Rubinsky nods.

   "You can sit next to Amy," He says and points at me. He said Amy with a bit angry tone. The guy named Dan nods and quietly walks to the seat. He has blue hoodie on and a leather jacket over it. Black skinny jeans. I hear whispering everywhere. Words like "cute". I mean, I guess he is kinda cute and HOLY SHIT HE IS THE LEAD SINGER OF IMAGINE DRAGONS!! I give him a look.

   "Eh, hi, I'm Amy," I say and pull out my hand for him to shake.

   "Dan,"

We shake hands.

   "What are we suppose to do?" Dan says.

  "Haha, I've been doodling on my block instead of paying attention, so I don't know!" I say. Dan chuckles. We sit there and talk.

"Why did you change school?" I ask.

 "Well, I have my girlfriend and the rest of the band here," Dan says. I nod. I knew that!

 "Yeah, I kinda know, I listen to your band. Imagine Dragons?" I say. He shines up.

"You know about us?" He asks with a big smile. I nod. He still smiles. Then the bell rings. I pack my stuff quick.

   "Seeya, I'm gonna go and see the rest of the band!" Dan says and waves.

   "Bye!" I see Jessy standing in the corner. I walk up to her.

   "Is that.....? "

   "YES!" I whisper.

   "OMG!" Jessy says excited.

   "C'mon, I want a smoke," I say. I leave my stuff and we go out. And yeah, I often skip classes. Woops. The teachers are just happy that I'm not attending. I can be pretty bitchy against them. Jessy and I just talk. I smoke, she doesn't. We have often actually seen Dan. I mean, Ben, Brittany, Wayne and Andrew goes to this school. And their friend Platz who just seems to be "there". He's cute. I'm kinda surprised that I didn't recognize Dan at first sight. I've seen his girlfriend Aja also. She's cool.

They all are in the group of not popular but not bullied. Except for Ben of course, he is kinda popular. He is really hilarious, always spreading positivity around him whenever he enters a room. Jessy and I are the outcasts.

Aja actually got a band outside school. They are called "Lovers". Haven't heard them.

   "Hey, wanna skip school today?" Jessy says as we talk. I take one last inhale from my cigarette. I blow it out in the cold wind.

   "Why not?" I say with a smile. I throw the cigarette on the ground and stomp on it. It dies.

Jessy and I go to McDonald's. Order a meal. We do this every now and then. We go home. Walk. Home. Jill doesn't really care that I skip school. As long as I get good grades. Which I do. I enter the door. Jill is watching a movie. I hear her sigh. Yup, I'm unstoppable.

I take off my shoes, it's a habit I have from Sweden. I take off my jacket.

   "How was that one class?" Jill asks sarcastically but not mean.

   "I didn't do anything, Mr.Rubinsky was all over me. Complaining!" I say with a sigh.

I head upstairs to my room. I throw myself on the bed and start charging my phone. Then Jessy calls me. I pick up the phone.

   "Hi!" I say. And then she hangs up on me. I stare at my phone for a while. Maybe she was calling someone else and accidentally called me. She does that sometimes. But I don't care. I start listening to music.

At the moment, it felt like a Imagine Dragons marathon but I felt for Green Day.

Punk rock is awesome too.

I fall asleep to Billie Joe's light voice and the guitar's solos.

I wake up to my alarm. I don't feel like going to school. I turn off the alarm and try to sleep again. I hear Jill at the door.

   "You're not going to school, huh?"

I shake my head. She sighs and leaves. But I can't sleep so I'm just lying on my bed, thinking. I text Jessy that I'm not coming to school. I bet she understands.

I'm from Sweden. My parents were always fighting. My dad was abusing my mom and I. Not just a slap, no, he would go on until he saw blood. He never left a beat-up "unfinished". Making him hit you would mean that you would be bloody sooner or later. One day, my dad got home drunk with his buddies. I was awake. It was about 3 am. Then I heard how they raped my mom. The screams. The laughs. The crying. The bumping into the walls. Those sounds are stuck forever in my head. My mom called the police. They took my dad and his friends. My dad's last words to me were:

   "I'm gonna fucking kill both of you, I will strangle you! I WILL GET MY REVENGE!".

Dramatic, huh? So me and my mom moved here. And then my mom started drinking. I hated being at home. One day, when I got home, I didn't hear my mom's crying or drunken voice. I didn't hear the bumping into stuff. I stepped into her bedroom and she was dead. She hung herself. I was 8 years old. Since then I've been moved around, until I moved in with Jill.

I still have the suicideletter. It just says " Godby evr, I dont like this planet so by!" Apparently they found alcohol in her blood. She left me and didn't even leave a decent letter! That was the worst part. And the fact that she didn't care about me enough to stay. But the vision of my mom, hanging from the roof with a blue face and some blood from her mouth. I think that haunts me the most. I used to have nightmares about my mom. They're gone, or just really rare now.

I have been selfharming and smoking since 5th grade. Yeah, I have a lot of cuts on my arms and thighs. Music is helping me.

I get up and dry some pathetic tears off my pathetic cheeks. I open my window and lit a cigarette. Stupid life.

When I am done smoking, I put on some Green Day. This time, on my stereo. My favorite and only Green Day album is "American Idiot". I look myself in the mirror. Nah. I have blonde hair but I've dyed some parts black. It looks badass that way. I think of Platz. He is pretty cute. I lit another cigarette.

When I'm done smoking again, I go to bed again and sleep through the day. As usual. With punk rock pounding in the background.

I open my eyes. Today, I'm going to school. I get up and dress up. Jill and the twins are eating breakfast. PANCAKES! Jill smiles.

   "Here you go," she says and hands me pancakes. I put some syrup on them and start eating. We chat a little. I run to the school bus. Damn, I almost missed it! I search for Jessy. I see her sit with Wayne, the lead guitarist of Imagine Dragons!

I decide to walk to them.

   "Hi," I say a bit shy.

   "Oh, this is my friend Amy!" Jessy says and gets all happy. Wayne has long curly brown hair and iceblue eyes. He is pretty skinny.

   "Hi!" He says. We start talking like we have known eachother for a very long time. The weird thing was, no one questioned it at the moment.

   "I don't see you here often..," I say.

   "Yeah, my car broke, but it will be fixed tomorrow. I think," Wayne says. I nod.

   "We are planning on releasing a new EP!" Wayne also called Wing says.

   "Really? That would be awesome!" Jessy says.

   "Yeah!" He says.

At school we separate. Platz is going to the same class as me, math. I felt like it didn't matter so I was just drawing. Platz knocked on my shoulder.

  "You're really good at drawing!" Platz says.

  "Huh, thanks," I say and look at my paper. I didn't pay attention to class. At all. Or the next one.

Woops.