Dancing in the Dark ✓

13 | sasha

Okay, Sasha Li, you can do it. 

I hyped myself up as I bounced on the balls of my feet, feeling a little stupid that the dance studio was affecting me this much. 

"Sasha! Is that you?" 

Okay, thank goodness I knew someone here. I exhaled, "Nicholas." 

"How dare you just 'Nicholas' me!" He exclaimed, raking a hand through his blonde hair. "I've barely seen you in months. Are you finally back to dancing?" 

I laughed shortly. "I'm just here to fill a spot for next Friday's game night." 

"Oh, you'll pick it up no problem, the routine's not too intense," Nicholas assured. 

"I don't know, I'm definitely rusty," I sighed. 

He winked. "You know what, film a short KPOP cover with me after rehearsal later? I've missed my fellow KPOP fanatic." 

I chuckled. "I'm definitely out of the loop on that one, too." 

He rolled his eyes. "It's an EXO chorey, but I swear it's nothing crazy."

"I'm surprised you're still into them."

"Ouch, rude. I'm still into Monsta X and Ateez, by the way. I'm in it for the performances."  

"No more Red Velvet?" I teased. 

"How could I drop those icons?" He guffawed. "Come on, let's get in there before Siobhan chews our heads off." 

There were already about twenty other people inside warming up, some warming up quietly in the corners to those smaller cliques causing ruckus and sharing inside jokes. Siobhan was in front talking to Ms.Rayana, setting up the music for warm-up. 

Nicholas nudged me forward, towards the front of the room. Several eyes started following us, making my heart pound in my ears. 

"Sasha! You're here!" Siobhan gasped, pulling me in with a quick hug. 

"Hi, Siobhan. Hello, Ms.Rayana," I greeted politely, attempting to tamper my rising anxiety. 

Ms.Rayana smiled. "Sasha! So nice having you back here. Thanks for filling in for game night! How have you been?"

"Not too bad, thanks. How was your Mawlid?"

Ms.Rayana's smile widened. "You remembered! It was good, thank you. Well, the holidays always pass too quickly, and now we've got this to hustle through."

"No time to lose!" Siobhan clapped. "Before we get warmed up properly, I have someone to introduce!"

Nicholas pushed me towards the front of the room, and Siobhan smiled encouragingly. "This is Sasha Li, she was on our team for about three years, but has been focusing on studies for senior year. You wanna say anything?"

My gaze swept over the room, cold sweat forming on my palms, heart thundering in my ears. But years of public speaking training kicked into gear, and I forced the anxiety down. "Hey, nice to meet everyone. I haven't danced in months, so I'll definitely be behind, but I'll try my best to blend in for game night."

The boom of the bass rumbled through the studio as Ms.Rayana started the warm-up music, and people started finding empty spots in front of the mirrors. I stood towards the side of the room, with Nicholas next to me, a comforting presence. 

After Siobhan led us through the warm-up, Ms.Rayana took over with teaching the choreography (mostly for me) and ran us through the formations. I nearly jumped out of my skin when one of the newer members I had never spoken to before had naturally placed her hand on my waist for a certain choreography, simply offering me a smile as if we had known each other for years -- I forgot how dance was truly a language of its own. 

But it was when Ms.Rayana counted us in from the top that I truly saw how behind I was compared to everyone else. In terms of picking up the choreography to remembering it, and actually executing it -- I didn't have the same energy nor stamina, and had definitely lost strength. Several bombastic side eyes were definitely directed my way, but I ignored them, focusing at the task at hand. Judgement could be pondered over later on -- no time or energy to waste when I couldn't even get to my formations quick enough. 

By the end of rehearsal, I felt like all brain cells were fried, and I probably pulled a muscle or two. 

"At least you know the chorey now," Siobhan reassured me. "You'll just need some practice to really execute it. And that's ample time before game night. If you're unsure about anything, film yourself and text it to me. Oh, and I'll also send the videos we recorded today to you so you can monitor them."

"Thanks," I mumbled. 

Nicholas hung back to wait for me as I packed my bag. "So! How was first rehearsal?"

I sighed. "I really don't belong in the world of competitive dance anymore. The younger kids..."

"You're making yourself sound like you're a grandma."

My knees cracked as I hauled myself off the ground. "I feel like one."

"Okay, enough stressing over competitive stuff then, shall we satisfy my inner KPOP fan?" 

He led my reluctant self to the courtyard, even pulling out a tripod from his rucksack. 

"You're so committed," I commented as he set up the filming. 

"Always," he countered. "I've learnt the chorus part, so here's how it starts..." 

Lately, I had only committed to things I knew would help me get into university -- grades, academic clubs and societies. But rehearsal had me feeling so incompetent that dancing just-for-fun with Nicholas now helped me relax a little. I could get back to my homework and studying once I was done with this. 

My phone pinged. 

👦🏽 : [video] 

👦🏽 : Nice moves!

I jerked my head up, searching for the stalker. 

👩🏻 : creepy much? lol where are u 

👦🏽 : Don't think you can see me through the tinted glass, but at least I made my presence known, right? 

👦🏽 : You're actually pretty comfortable in front of a camera 

👩🏻 : ... I had to film dance covers too back then, had to be.

👦🏽 : So you won't mind taking team pics with the film fam at High Park? 

I glanced up again in his general direction, although I couldn't see him. 

👩🏻 : ??

 👦🏽 : Awesome, I'll try to get everyone together this Saturday around golden hour. Raphael will definitely take some cool pics. See you then!

"Who got you smilin' like that?" Nicholas teased. 

"I'm not smiling," I refuted immediately.

Nicholas raised his hands. "Okay, Miss. Debate Team."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm in MUN, not the Debate Team." 

"Same difference," he huffed. 

"Like lyrical and contemporary, am I right?" I joked.

He got genuinely defensive. "How could people lump those two styles together? Anyone with common sense --"

"Okay, okay," I pacified. 

His grinned wickedly. "Since you insulted the dance community, now you've got to do another cover with me." 

"That makes no sense," I retorted, but couldn't find it in me to refuse another dance. For the first time in a long while, dancing felt exciting again.